All i have, is you.

Bundle of thoughts that never came to light.

2011-01-05T08:27:00.011+08:00

purpose. 5th Jan 2011; 8.29am.
It's been a very long time since i last posted, well let's cut to the chase shall we?
Firstly i came here to blog instead of leaving messages in my FB account is because i wanna avoid having too much attention as FB really helps broadcast your messages too fast sometimes. hahas. Plus i feel more comfortable writing my thoughts here, it gives me more time to process what's on my mind and it's a place where people read & understand your feelings. I'm not that focused in wanting attention either, just somewhere to leave my thoughts be.

the mind. 8.38am.
Recently i came to realise (as much as i want to maybe not admit) perhaps maybe i'm just too quiet and i think too much for my own good.. When it comes to the girl i'm interested in, i always tend to read too much hints or rather, i put all of the hints into consideration. I stay too focused on the details and kept deriving with all kinds of possibilities of what's she's thinking and why.

I was too preoccupied on reading on every hints take she make, and as well as those she may not. Often i feel that most of them are just plain delusions, bringing myself into a situation where i put fort too many theories into the issue where only one can be true.. I'm often confused and at the end i couldn't choose.

plain english?
hahas okok enough of literature; i'm just practically confused right now, i keep trying to read her but i can just never find where i stand in her heart. There was a few times i could clearly see where i stand whenever we come to that topic randomly; i saw myself as a buddy. But passively, when i'm with her i feel that we could be more. sighs, i know it's cheating to be able to read minds telepathically, but for once i just want to see where i stand in your heart. :)

confession in the midst of confusion; 9.02am.
The girl i'm writing this too may never get the chance to read my blog, or maybe i changed my feelings towards someone else instead again, realy i wouldn't know. It's a big risk, creating future irritation in my relationship life; but for now i want to say it for you.

I don't know, seen as a flirt most of the times because of my long long history of relationships, but they always forget the details that it was all short-lived, that maybe because i was too soft, and maybe i never knew what was wrong between the relationships i had, and that i was always looking for love in all the wrong places, and that i couldn't find someone who truely feels the same. But anyway, back to my thoughts for her.

Many a times i try to fit into your life, gave everything i could to you, always trying to be part of your life. Without notice, i soon realise that i always set high hopes that maybe you'll see my efforts shine and read my hints instead.. inevitably fall from each disappointment that uou miss the hints and get hurt each time. My heart has always been brittle, ever since i couldn't find someone to settle down with.

As much as i want to be able to hold that responsibility, i know your life is as difficult, and that i maybe more privileged than you.. But this makes me all the more motivated to be by your side, offering all my time for you whenever you need. Just count the number of times i said no to your requests and you'll understand. :)

But it's just so sad to me sometimes, i feel that i was born too early for you, i feel that i am too old for you, that we could never become a item at all. The more i think about it, the more i realise so much incompatibility you might feel towards me..

But i guess our thoughts would hardly have the chance to come into the same idea. Her life now is getting complicated by the minute, and i am patiently waiting for a time to fill your painful gap and love you in my own special way.. But I'm always very afraid that i may miss or even never have the opportunity at all.

I will never know if one day you might come to understand how i feel about you, i can only pray because i'm too much a coward to confront and confess to you.. And further more i keep seeing a brittle side of you; like a little angel with broken wings, you felt too precious that i did not want to stress you any further in your troubled life.

I feel so discouraged and hurt that i couldn't let you understand how i feel about you now, and i don't know what to expect in return from you as well.. In simple terms i just want to have someone that i could tell my love for and she would feel the same..

My heart is in a mess, and maybe it's not that far like yours too. hahas.
But i think i'm in a confused state now because i don't understand where i stand in your heart.. i read every detail you make and try too much into figuring out myself the answer, never able to come into a solid conclusion of your feelings towards me.

It's like a mystery that i couldn't solve. I just wish that you could just tell me straight when i ask you directly, but i keep fearing of you thinking i am weird again, eventually avoiding and receiving the silent treatment again..

to make you feel my love, 10.11am.
All i ask is a simple girl that i could make her feel my heart with,
to share that bond that i always hoped for and would never abandon.
She'll always be on my mind, and she's that girl i want
to spend my precious time with every time.
She's a girl that i'd say mussy stuff & tease her,
just to catch a glimpse of her sweet smile and hear her cute giggle.. :)
She's also someone I'd always say words to her, to make her feel so special,
always letting her know how important she is to me in my life.
She's one that i would never let go no matter what happens,
and it's one relationship i'd never, never end.
But still, never stop trying to make you feel happy is all i hoped for..
"so, would you be that special girl? "
It's an answer that i'd never know.

Just direct me.(old post)

2010-07-31T23:04:00.006+08:00

Just tell me what to do & i'll do anything, if it's for you.
Because i've always believed in you even if it's just a bluff or a prank;
because i never want to stop believing in you.
I trust you, i always do, you know that,
and so much more i have for you..
I want to uphold my words,
to bring you to places where i told you i would, to make you happy. :)
I will keep trying, even if the next 3 years would to prove fruitless, i will wait for you.

The Change.

2010-07-31T22:07:00.004+08:00

"Did i lose it all?
or was there even anything to lose in the first place?

I am so disheartened.. i just can't keep the negative thoughts out. I know all the more you would feel more disappointed at me for feeling so, but it's really just me. you once told me that you don't like to change because it's just who you are. I am but trying to change, it's not easy. Many a times i would feel so lonely, i always hoped to find glimpse of joy in my life from you, even if it's the smallest of things, that would put a smile right up. Nothing else could bring me up any higher than the little things you do, even if i wasn't in the picture.

Why. Why has Language need to be that barrier that makes me feel so out casted? Why couldn't i just not feel anything and submit totally to you? Why must i think so much? Why didn't i try even harder to understand your thoughts? Why did i even misinterpret your intentions? Why Did i Even Not Stop Myself From Sending you That Last Text That Night?

Why. Why did i ever put that word in my last text.
I did intended to use an alternative.
Why am i taking everything so seriously?
Because i was always serious about you.
Why Didn't i send you the draft sms i made last night to you today?
Because i didn't dare, everything just feels like it's crumbling apart.
Why did things always fall apart?
maybe it's just because i think too much which resulted me to often misleading myself and misinterpreting stuff....
Why, Why aren't you even crying now?
Because i'm hurt so much, hurt so much that i lose my soul to even cry for myself.
Why are you posting this? Don't you know it'll only make matters worse?
It's simply because i wanted you to know, but you know i would forget."
All those thoughts went away when i saw your text reply a minute ago.
Don't you see the impact you have in me? I was able to cast them away just because i got to know you still chose to reply me. You're that source that drives me, that fuel's my soul, had always been since the first time i liked you.

Up until now i've never changed my stand, it has always been the same since it first began; 3 years is a long year. You told me that what if you don't accept me even after graduation, you hinted me that the future is unpredictable, and it could mean it would happen so. But i chose to motivate myself and remain firm on my stand to not let the chance pass, even if it's just a needle in the ocean. I want to try, even if it's a no for an answer since the very beginning, i want to try.. to get back to those close moments which i never forget.

I want to do all those things i've said that i would do for you, i want to serenade to you once more and even more professional before.. i want to realise that i can Love you and break open those shackles within me that binds me down by all the failures i ever had. I want A relationship that never breaks, one that lasts long and never ends. I want to love you all my life, happilly and tenderly, romantically if i ever had to be.

But more importantly, i want you to be happy, that's my first and forever will be first priority to acheive it for you.. Even if it means that we would never to be together, if that's what's happiness is to you i would freely give it to you, i would willingly give you anything, you know that don't you?

Don't you know that I even believed though i already knew it's a lie, i would genuinely to put my trust in you, because i never want to stop believing in you as i let my heart decide than my mind to judge you, because i never want to do that to you. Even if it's bluffs or pranks, i would believe in you, always.

MI TRANSCENDENCE. :D + thoughts.

2010-05-23T00:53:00.026+08:00

ok. here to post because someone just told me to
cause she won't sleep until i post something for her to read about yesterday.
lol. here goes. :I

*lets start with the good stuff first bah. :D

21st may, MI TRANSCENDENCE. time now: 1.07am
YES. that day was a big day for
the Flaming Rambutans as they played their piece.
Us performing "Don't stop Believing" by Journey on Centre Stage,
seats filled with friends and families who came down to our school
to watch MI Transcendence2010 in Millenna institute in the evening.

crew:
Claudia was our main singer, Terry as the melody pianist,
Randon as main guitarist and lastly me as the bass.

behind the curtains.
To realise the excitement that we're going to perform on stage, in front of a full house centre stage filled with people just made us all the more nervous. all of us were chewing on sweets just to claim ourselves for our act next as we hid behind the curtains watching as Sara who was performing before us came to a close end of her piece on piano.

Claudia, Randon & i were all so anxious about our turn; we were all ready with our guitar stripped on our shoulders with the sound cable dangling, waiting to be plugged in for our play. terry was on the other side of the stage hidding behind the curtains too, waiting for Sara to exit so we could all come in and quick set up our guitars and begin our play.

Not long after, we had the sounds of the audience's applause, which marks the end of Sara's piece, alerting us its our turn now and also reminding us of how huge the crowd is that we were going to perform to next. all of us readied ourselves and went in from the sides, personally i didn't dared to look at the audience and just hurried to set up our instruments.

position.
I was taking the bass guitar piece, in which i was pretty worried i'll mess it up again during the play because i know i did during rehearsals and that i couldn't perfect it yet. My amplifier was right at the centre back so i was positioned right at the centre of the stage to perform, which means i had my own spotlight right next to Claudia's. I don't know just how many people were watching me at the point of time. lol. so i kept my head low and didn't dared to take a peep at the audience.

Music began, i could hear Randon's pluck counts coming in, which means 2 more cycles who be Claudia and my entrance to play, i looked left and right for the band's composure and steadied myself for the last time, to hit the right time for my entrance. First note cycle played through, unknowingly i glanced up to see the audience for the first time in this dark hall.

It was one of the most beautiful sight i could never expect to see.
Seats all filled on each succeeding rows of the pitch black hall, each one holding up colourful glowing sticks in their hand, all waving back to us as we played our intro. i've never got the chance to perform and see for myself hundreds of "illuminated", excited audience cheering back at us. It was as if we were watching and playing for fireflies in the cooling night hall, only that the voices from the audience kept pulling me back to reality that we're still performing. :p

As Claudia entered with her voice into the play, we could all hear in the background cheers coming from the audience going mad and people behind the curtain supporting us. And as we all played on, the sense of nervousness began to diminish as we start to remember why we love to play music, that joy that we almost forgot when we were all so clouded by our anxiety.

This was thrill to perform, and i'm sure we would never forget how it feels to do our play in front of so many audience, all listening to the music we played for them. :D

end of transcendence 2010 thoughts.
Hmmm. that's roughly all i could remember. and on a note its quite sad to see everyone had their friends and loved ones who came down and became part of the audience amond the fireflies.. and at the end had people to talk to after the end of the transcendence.
hahas, how i wish i had people to go to after the end of everything..
Claudia even got a big Sun Flower when we ended our play.
that's so awesome lah. :D

Oh wells. maybe i might have better response next year, or maybe i might have someone special supporting me next year. lol, i wouldn't know, lets see whether i manage to get through auditions again next year first. :)
sighs, still hoped you could be there. too bad you had curfew. :I
yesterday: 1.07am
hmmm. well. here's the not so nice stuff i guess. hahas. i know you'll be reading this so this part of the post here can be a little message-like, but i'll try not to spoil it too much. hahas. :)
(still editing, after i get my haircut now. BRB! ;p imcomplete.)

new posts, new me.

2010-04-29T01:13:00.009+08:00

Hey people its been quite a while. :)
actually near a year to be exact. lol.
Hmmm. Reason i started blogging again well, yeah i guess its just somewhere i like sorting my mind out. hahas. well, just to give a summary of the current me:

-Repeated my year 1 for MI.
_(no regrets. :D )
-Last year for hockey A-Div.
_apparently too old; next year only allows 1991 and above only. :P
-More updates i'll fill it in when i have
_the time if not usually a new post. LOL. :D
_*somethings just never change do they?* :)

the reason. 1.37am
Anyways. Mainly i'm here because i couldn't post things on facebook cause it draws too much attention? haha. oh well. keep it to yourself & me people. :)

Hmmm. Basically i just maybe realised something that it could be why things are always happening as it is; and this something is one question i have been wanting to ask myself for a very long long time. I never could comprehend why situations always ends up like the way it was not until the simple thought just flew into my mind.
Something just so hard and i never could find the answer to just got blown away by a simple thought: maybe its just that you don't have appearance for people to simply believe you had.

Ha. For all those times which i felt so hurt, got so easily answered in the eye's of a child.
Well. Things are the way it is or maybe i could be just wrong in my conclusion.
But, honestly i don't know. However that logic fits well to past experiences i guess. hahas. :p

However, I haven't given up yet.
Patience is a virtue; and i'm going to wait.
For how long i wouldn't know;
But for where it stops is when
i know the avalanche has been transformed
into a precious, cute snow field. :D
A place where she can build her snowman. :)
now. 1:56am
Back to homework. Ganbette!

maintainance.

2009-08-03T04:56:00.001+08:00

( O_O) blog is under going maintainance.. will take 'some' time before i'll post anything i guess. :/

need to change for school now.. chal people. =)

dead blog?

2009-06-07T16:57:00.000+08:00

hey just to let you all know i won't be posting anymore as much as before.
hahas. i honestly admit its practically a dead blog, maybe some anniversaries once or twice a month but afterward not much updates ler. hahas.

Quite sad in a way, but i don't want people keep coming back to this blog and always get dissappointed if you're still visiting, which is like near immpossible anyways. haha.

But to cut things clean, alot f things has changed, maybe some things hasn't. I'm not that all I.T. savvy so i guess any of you desire my current situation, just grab a net and spear to hunt me down; oh don't forget the bait.. i think sitting down with me for a sakae-sushi buffet works best. xD hahaha. me and my lousy sense of humor. lols. chal peeps, love you all. =)
7.06.09, 5:04pm.

away.

2009-04-26T22:16:00.001+08:00

apologies
Heys, sorry for the super-duper long pause.. =P
honestly i don't know who has been visiting my site vigilantly,
i'm so sorry to disappoint your nice efforts. =x
.
Confirmation of my studies.
Anyways, i'm now confirmed studying at Millenia Institute..
though i have to admit i'm having problems with my sciences;
Well i;m glad at least my maths still haven't failed me. hehes.

News!
Hmmmm, anyways: Truth to be Told!
It sure has been very long since i've last thought about having feelings for someone.. i guess the time has come. =)

i think finally i'm starting to open up that stoney heart of mine after sooo long. hahas. There's this someone i knew from my class.. she's lively and fun-loving. But i think i mentioned before that i have a fear for dating girls younger than me, and she's younger than me by 2 years. But she really brings out the youth in me(she calls me old btw. T-T), lol.

Sighs, but things like this i've never really been claim about it.. i mean after all, i've always tried to put my best in everything i do but things just never worked out. i think i've mentioned before also about that hollowness in my heart right? it just feels so physically there, like an abyss. i really wish someone who really cares for me can fill it up one day..
.
.
.
.
.
But somehow i feel she's that person who can fill that gap in my heart for me.. its like a magical feeling really, she gives me that hope to be able to love again. =) hahas.

But the thing is, i don't really know what she feels about me. =/
sighs. how i wish things can be simpler. haha. =x
.
.
.
I guess every guy will face the problem like this huh, lol. Its just ganbette for me huh. But if by any chance one day if she would to see this page, i really don't know what to say. hahas. i mean she's good in her studies and i'm already suffering in my sciences.. i would have to stabilise my Chem H2 & Phy H2 before i think i'm good enough for her.. =/ tough life yeah? hahas.

.
.
now. 10.57pm
gosh, i spend so much time blogging again. =/
oh well, just somethings i want to highlight before i go:

-I can't idolise someone that's why God is First. =)
She and everyone else is second. And i am third.

-i will be leaving for another long pause without updates again, cause school's really a time-consumer. o_o i haven't even adapted to the constant homework. =/ In any case, just take note if you're going to visit this site please do it once every 2 months. xP

-Lastly, now that i think about it, hopefully you people can keep this to yourself? At least don't start rumoring about this in school, because i feel that its bad to talk about things behind my back. I'm sure i've never wronged anyone in my life before and been very nice to each of you right? haha. At least please return me this favor of keeping this to yourself? Thanks! =)
Okays! time now is 11.08pm.. i got lots of homework to do. o_o
Until next time, chal Friends. =)

updates!

2009-02-24T21:47:00.000+08:00

hey peeps! lol. So sorry for my constant 'mia's from Internet connection, i guess life in Mi really occupies my time more than anything else now. hahas. To be real honest, i got 2 news, one good, one bad. i guess i should start off with the bad one..

But before that, here's my combi' for my course:
..........................................
Stream: Science, class s101.
(3 H2 subjects, 1 H1)
.........................................................
Chemistry H2,
Physics H2,
Mathematics H2,
Arts H1
...........................................
*i'm aiming for Medicine degree in NUS! jyjy!

Bad news:
argh! i have no chemistry foundation! sighs, i'm totally going to die if i do not start revising O'level's syllabus! Plus what's even worse is that i must get an A Grade for this subject to get into Medicine degree in NUS. i am really in dire need for revision! My Physics too need just as much attention for revision for my chem. My dreams of becoming a Forensic is becoming darker and darker.. =/

But, i won't give up. The results from the coming exams in march will determine my fate in my education. I will take action into revision of my foundations in science for my road into Forensics, but surely this will be a lonely and tough avenue, i really pray i can walk through this bravely.
But at least i think i can cope my Math H2 and Arts H1. =P

Good news:
Okays, enough sweats, time for the better side of the coin. You know what's the best thing that happened in my life? A second chance into education! Though i believe many of you guys will not understand, because you guys never experienced what i've had been through. Just to be able to be going to school is a blessing to me everyday. Now i really appreciate school and can relate to people who really wish to get into a school for education. The sense of maturity is truly there along with my past, i believe i will be more encouraged than ever to take my mentality for learning into my priorities.

Giving thanks:
To be honest, i really want to be grateful that God has put me away from schooling background for 2 years. I was very naive when i was in poly, thus i never cherished education. Now, my perception has indeed changed and i wish to strive for my Forensic goals. I also want to thank God for preparing me in those 2 years in preparing me for the matured mindset to achieve my Goal in MI. Also not forgetting that God had provided me with such a school which is totally covering my needs, i'm very grateful for His wondrous plans. Nothing else can be more perfect than this, none that i've could ever imagine. =)

Ps: i'll leave edits for next time, so sorry for the short edits. =P
its already 10:20pm, i should be dead asleep. hahaha. good night people!
PM my chatbox if you have PURE Chem/Phy textbooks!!! I'm in desperation!

current statues

2009-02-11T22:03:00.000+08:00

hey! so sorry for being so away for very long!
hahas. Just to let you nosey people know(opps),
i'm schooling for a week now in Millenia Institute (MI), 3-year-jc school.

friends :)
Was quite a surprise that Yee Tien & his friends were schooling there too. i consider it quite a miracle, cause i thought i was going to have problems mixing in school due to i'm older.

Got to knew a girl in my orientation group who's also kinda in the same situation as me.. at least there's someone who can understand half the pain i'm going through. So it kinda lessens the discomfort.

Also got to know a great guy, literally. Man, though he some bad points yes, but he's really one trust-worthy fellow to me, a real kind-hearted guy in the inside. He has my total respect! hahaha.

educational_route: s101(science).
hmmms. in this expect i have already conquered my nocturnal-lifestyle! wahahaha. And yes i won't let my guard down, going to keep this good habit up!

Also i suddenly had an aspiration to reach for my Secondary school's hopes of becoming a Forensic Pathologist. Maybe because kena psyched by the School's orientation programme or something, hahas. But i remember my secretary shared to me her dreams, i was inspired by her. So i guess this is my chance to reach out for my goal in life!

I'm going to set the impossible: To Get
my Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery!
Ganbette!

"though it seemed miraculous,"
"but suddenly i've forgotten, and moved on."

renewal.

2008-12-02T23:01:00.000+08:00

Hey-ee. Just got back from youth camp yesterday, before that fulfil the agreement of a feast after youth camp! Had a great fellowship meal with Cherlyn, Joleen, herng, tien, nern, Marcus, Elvis and Joel. hahas. Suddenly i realise that we're all from different backgrounds, but i guess we have one thing in common;
we're all family in Christ. :) hehes.

Having lunch with them was great! haven't had so much fun over a meal in a long time. =) hahas.
But its a sad thing not everyone could join us. committee members, people who left halfway through camp..
Well, its not well organised but i'm still looking forward to the feast right after YC'09. hahas.

Camp games.
Games were great. Had a big scale competition between 4 groups based on the board game "Risk". just that the ending is the "Final showdown" between the Four Kingdoms, "Israelites", "Egyptians", "Babylonians" & "Romans". Got roles like soldiers, knight & house, cannons to be in the battle, it's really like a war out there. Truly this year's games Committee made a lot of effort creating this feel. it was real and fun. i'm sure everyone in Youth camp loved it. =))

camping days.
Though i was a camper, my mature age was not overlooked. =/ became the Bunk IC instead. lols. Oh wells, someone had to take care of the younger ones. hahas. Guess i learned too much from too many camp-exposure. =P

Life.
Well, we had lots of meaningful workshops and messages, and on the last day of devotion i found out i realised who i was. I am a child of God just like everyone else. There's no need to sin anymore. Though its simple, this truth answered my life. its like a renewal, to be reborn again. Sometimes just believing isn't enough, its the faith that you have for Him that pulls you through no matter whatever happens. =)
The love that i've always looked for in my life is this; One that will never fade. =)

mind.
I guess i always go coo-koo in youth camps. hahas. i remembered last year i brought in the cheer from one advertisement about the same 3 person doing a dance after the soccer match hit a score. lols. Then this year's is Madagascar's "I like to move it!" lol. i'm anticipating next year's to be "It's Elvis". hahahas! ONLY people who been to youth camp get what i mean. hahahas.

Fill in the blanks!
"He Stole the _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, "
"and Empty all the _ _ _ _ _. "
"He gobble up a _ _ _ _ _ _ and another _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, "
"Oh Yes!"

hahahas. lets keep this up to next year to sing shall we fans of Elvis? hahas. wanna know the song? Join next year's youth camp! lol. i guess the only thing that can loosen me up its ony youth camps. i can only be my wacky self then without people calling me crazy. hahaha.

hmmm. Anyways, being a soldier was fun, got to employ some tactics into the game. xD But.. i kinda spoiled other people's fun.. =/ sorry guys if i caused any unhappiness between everyone. But i'm glad most of the game play changed very fast which in the end changed the whole structure of the games. =) my brain don't adapt so fast anyways. =P

Now, 12:01am. 3 Dec.
woo. it's so late already. i'm tired. hmmm. tomorrow i'm going for another trip to Malaysia, but with my family and relatives. a week duration and 2 places to go to, Genting and KL. shopping spree! hahaha.
OH. and i promised someone i'll get her PRESSIE. xP hahas.
Kays, more updates in the next post later or the coming afternoon.
Chal people.

"Last year's theme was LOST, "
"But this year i found out who am i." =)

Youth Camp!

2008-11-28T05:40:00.000+08:00

yeah it's finally here! hahaha.
hmmm. Camper for the third time..
i think its because been a GL too any times in BB. =/

Details:
Youth Camp 08 ( Glory Joy Christian Church).
Venue: Christ Church Secondary
Date: 28 Noc -1 Dec.

Oh wells. Camper usually is safer...
But honestly i don't quite like the idea of wearing "props". hahas.
Prefer Flags, banners and stuff like that. lol, like going for war.

Anyways, this year is Headband.
Got to design it with Yee nern(GL) & Elvis.
Our identity is 'Rome', so we painted 11 Roman Laurels, leaf-crowns. =)
Originally our headbands is already in navy-green so its quite in favour, so we cut out cardboard leafs and use white paint to imprint the perimeter with brush-strokes to create a nice spread effect. I'll photograph it once the camp's over. =P

I heard we're the more hardworking ones cause got groups used simpler methods like cut-outs then spray. Hahas. Never mind bahx, save money. LOL

Then only able to reach home by 1 plus..
2 plus then i can finally rest from all the work since 3pm. hahas.
Then had been awake from then till now. wow. i need caffine. =x
Should be meeting my group for breakfast at Sun plaza..
Hopefully we can all get along. =) Oh wells.

Now: 5:55am, 28 Nov.
Nice timing, lols. Anyways.
i haven't got a chance to pack my bag for Youth camp. Hahas. i'm such a creep for being so last minute. lols. i also stayed up overnight for the trip to Sunway, because was afraid of waking up late, then pack bag early morning just before i leave the house for holiday somemore. I'm losing my rest here and there... Seriosly shorting my life. lol. Gotta watch my health now.

Then this time also the same, i'm also blogging here and haven't started to pack my stuff yet. only got 3 T-shirts on the bed only, hahas. oh wells, at least today i'm EARLY. i'm suppose to meet them 8.45am for Breakfast at Sun plaza mac'. LOL. 2hours and 40minutes. How am i going to last. hahas. Hmmm, anyways i think that's enough for posting this morning.

Hmmm. Lets all pray may this Youth camp change
more lifes of others who haven't recieved the Gift. =)
May this be another unforgettable event in everyone's hearts.
hmmm. Chal people. =)

Back.

2008-11-24T07:02:00.000+08:00

Hey people. Just got back from Sunway Lagoon, Malaysia.
hmmm. This trip really changed my perception of theme parks.
I used to be very arrogant about theme parks.
But now seriously i believe for anyone, the feeling of
falling out of your seat-belt from like 7 storeys off the Viking,
for like 10+ swing times and a super slow 360?

wow.
that's a experience you can only imagine when you are up there. haha.
you can really feel yourself falling off your seat everytime it gets closer to 360 for like 10+ times? it's really a WOW experience for 'freaks' who just have a death wish.
lols.

Shopping-Spree.
Lets see, i didn't expect i could be capable of
finishing all my RM there also anyways. lols.
And wow. the shopping mall there was like enormous.
Completely insane to even visit all the shops in that mall within 3 days.
Brought a Black button long sleeve, 3 nice slim ties,
1 random T-shirt(i was out of options).
Ah, and yes also brought gifts for my friends too. =)

issues.
Christopher actually asked me on the second day of the trip that set me thinking about them all the time. Till now i can't get it out of my mind. sighs. i always don't know where did it turn wrong in the past..
Guess i'm a real dummy about the thing he asked me. hahas.But he has a point though.. Perhaps i'm really that boring to begin with. =/ lol. Nevermind. i'm so tired already. i'll have to keep the edits simplier for now, sorry.

Now: 8.06am, 24 Nov.
I so want to sleep! lol. Played War craft with my younger brother the whole night till now. Plus its somemore right after i reached home no long ago. LOL. i don't know how did i survived. =x Anyways, i'm dying for a good morning dooze already.
Good Nights people. =)
"where, will i go?"

Official M.I.A. (21st -23rd)

2008-11-21T04:11:00.000+08:00

hahas, just kidding. i'm only going over to Malaysia with my Cell group members this Friday early morn' till Sunday evening, which is also 1 hour later i'm gonna leave the house. lol.

Details:
Sunway Lagoon, Malaysia.
21st - 23rd nov.
Coming back at Sunday evening,
Will be contactable by my HP.

Random post.
Hours ago was doing a little shopping for presents..
It was so awkward. lets just say i respect differences.
hahahas. Someone should know what i mean. lols.

To be honest its not cheap,
but its alright to me. :)
Giving does not weigh in the quality of the Gift,
but the Sincerity of the Heart. =))

Now: 5:03am, 21st Nov.
Hmmm. Now doing a little transferring to my cell group member's PSP memory card and off we're playing lan in the coach! lol. Bags still not packed yet. =x hahahas. Going to pack right after this post is done. haven't slept since 7pm yesterday..
oh well. i'll get my snooze in the coach. =)

Think this is enough posting for now. I'll try to kick in the habit of uploading photos here when i'm there.
For now, take care people, Byes. =)

27 days.

2008-11-19T16:28:00.000+08:00

ohhh...
this got to be my longest record for not blogging. =x
As the heading says: 27 days.

Well.
For starters, sorry for those people who kept visiting my dead blog for the last whole month and so. I just feel a little empty these days.

I know i've promised myself not to think about those stuff that makes me go hollow, but it just gets to me wherever i go: outside with friends alone at home. sighs, i can't imagine a life of a bacjelor. lols. oh wells. i shouldn't let it bother me so much. hahas.

News-flash.
Anyways, Exam's over! since 7th Nov.
A-math paper went well, just that i never took time as an factor. Missed out 11 points which i know i can do it.
Could have got a A2 grade if i've done that question. :/
oooh well. at least i know i'm not going below my current O's grades. lol.

Confession.
Literature. Ok, here's the truth.
I didn't went for the paper. I know alot of people will be deeply upset about this but the truth is the fact.
I don't want to lie to anyone.

But all i ask is that please keep this to yourselves, i don't wat to make a big fuss about it. Plus it won't deprove my O'cert so its going to be okay. The reason i didn't go? i think its pointless now to even reason myself out now. lol. a Big sorry if i've disappointed any of you, i too am disappointed in myself about it. =(

Now: 4:04am, 21 nov.
Okays! enough of chunks of text, time to end post here.
you know, i've never thought of breaking up when it all began..
Ha! very random. lol.
Kay. Got to go. Chal people. =)

22 Oct.

2008-10-21T20:12:00.000+08:00

20 days since i last blog. lol.
Think i've lost all the blogging enthusiasm.
Anyways, let get to topic.

22Oct is the start of my retake O-level exams.
Which is, tml? hahahas.

A-math paper 1
1400 hours at Riverside Secondary.
Now going back and do my last moments of revision.
Chal people.

It doesn't really matter much anymore.

Finally.

2008-10-03T05:36:00.000+08:00

Hey All! sorry i left my blog dead for so long, i kinda lend it to someone and only gotten it back just recently after 2 weeks.. 4 days ago. =x O'okays, i was lazy to update. =/ hahahas. Dunno if my blogging language have changed or not, oh wells i don't think you guys know what i am talking about to begin with. Nevermind, lets get to topics! Had so much i want to blog over the weeks, don't think i'll remember everything and blog about everything also. hahaha.

topics to cover.

my finally establised wishlist, coping with shortage of $$$, health worsening, my upcoming new enrolment back into polytechnic, pictures of memories, current passion, and a incident when i remembered i nearly drowned...
Gosh there's just too many i wanted to talk about when i view a slideshow of the pictures that was taken i class when i was in poly 2 years ago. sighs. Life of a dropout, now i understand what's its like. i will start cherishing my education in polytechnic once i get in. =) onwards!

topic no. 1: "renewed life".
The days are coming, and i will soon have to embrace these days to come.. the life that i've been trying to get back for 2 years. its already the month of October, and my Exams starts on the 22th Oct. its getting ever closer each day, and so far i don't think my current standards will get me a better grade than what i gotten 2 years ago from my O's. i'm gonna start mugging already, and it shall begin with this very day. After i wake up later(3rd Oct), i shall start my studying till my end of my exams in november 7th, period. strictly no more fun and games, this is where i will concentrate into.

Soon, the days of enrolment will come. Deep inside i'm honestly feeling very uneasy. think i mentioned this before, as i enrol back into SP, i'll find all the year 3 students are people who were my classmates. To be truthful, i don't know how to face them. By then it would be seeing them for the first time for 2years, and that goes for the lecturers. these are all my worries and many more yet unspoken. =/ prehaps i'll share it another day. i've said enough for today.

failing Health.
i think this will be my last topic for now, hahas just bear with me. Recently i don't know what's happening. its like my cough never gets better. i've been in cough for weeks every since that last time i've gotten flu, last satuday. I just cough when the air isn't clean, throat iches, warm weather, everything. i seriously can feel my health failing, like its slowly falling apart. i just pray it doesn't affect my studies, i wish not to get sudden mood swings, it makes me miss out an important effort that i want to put in to change my entire life. Call me "thinking to much", but its just what i feel. i've seen how fatal "don't want to study" attitude can be, and i really hope i won't become so. i shall work hard for this! =)

Now, 6.21am.
hahas. my current health only allows me to update this much. lol, i sound so like a dying person today. hahas. oh wells, sunday is coming soon and i can't wait to get my old guitar fixed. i so miss the sounds of acoustic. Pray i'll get my studying mindset later. =)

lol. i just had a sudden thought of hearing 'Ganbette' from someone. well, doesn't matter, it'll never get to my gan mei anyways. hahahas. oh what am i saying. =/ must be lack of sleep.
Good nights People!

Sublimation for life,
till the day i turn pure.

exams.

2008-09-11T01:15:00.000+08:00

are today!
6hours and 30min to go! and i only got to know this yesterday before going to cell group. sighs. just pray i'll do my best no matter what happens. Been 2 years since i last took O's.
.
This gotta bring back all those memories. =P
Time to sleep now!

Now, 1:33am.
Day of A-math paper 2, mock exams.
Ps: i forgot to post up the song, hahas.
Here it is. enjoy! chal.

All i have.

--
Lyrics:
What have I in this life.
But the love in Your eyes.
This empty world will one day fade.
Only Your truth will remain.
--
chorus:
Jesus, all I have is You
You're the hope I'm holding to.
I might weep but still my faith
Rests in You.
--
As the heavens hold the skies
It's Your hand that holds my life.
And Your love will lead me on
When all else is gone.

passion.

2008-09-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

hey. Here to update my blog. Well actually...just wanna take a break for a while. hahas. Been practicing guitar the whole noon like the last few days. hahas.

songs.
Trying to learn a few worship songs i love. (oh i love music by the way) so far i've only grasp the song "all i have". i'll post the song below if you're interested to listen. So far i still can't get the "c" note perfectly. =/ practice my boy, keep on practicing.

progress.
But at least by practicing this song i've manged to learn how to sing and play together. hahas. Took me a month to learn to play an acoustic guitar. So far can manage a few simple songs for now. Now trying to learn "Becasue of your love". Used to be Glory joy's youth camp 06/07 theme song. Got some help by trying to learn online, "www.leadworship.com", with Paul baloche couching by video. Well good thing is i can pause the video whenever i want and can replay no matter how many times. lol.

question.
One thing is that i finally got to learn music. it has always been my secondary school wish to learn music. hahahas. However one problem about any passions you have, is how long it last. i just hope it'll stay that way forever, because i can't imagine losing my sense of hearing. Random example anyways, hehes. Hope i don't get caught to be guitarist though, haha. i still don't know how to face the crowd. hahas.

prayer.
Anyways i heared the good news today! Finally the prayers has been answered. =) Non the less i will keep on praying, for there's so much more to be answred. Remember to stay strong.
=) You'll always be in my prayers.

Now. 11.32pm.
Time to get back to my guitar practice! er, but its already near mid-night. =/ think junn's already asleep by now. Oh, she's a maid in my house, under training by my mom to take care of my grandmother. junn's learning from my mom because my mom knows my grandma best. =) think i can't practice in this house.. everyone's sleeping everywhere. lol.

tonight & tml.
will be sleeping in my living room cause my bed been dismantled to move to the bedok apartment for my aunt's use this sunday. dismantled earlier so they can mve in the morning then. hahas, i'm used to sleeping on floors anyways, lol.

tml's plan.
Guess i'll spent the night practicing or just going to sleep. tml going over to 589a to settle some things before the GB go have their camp there. Then after i dunno if i'm going to go attend a sister's church for the celebration. seriously i think it really sounds like a personal invitation..

oh well.
i'll just behave. LOL not that i am one. ah, don't care to explain myself to muna they all ler. lol. never seen them for 2 years and they called me a pervert for no reason. ah but its nice to meet up with them again anyways. hahas. oh post getting longer and longer. ending it here.
nights people! =)

"though it may not seem that way,"
"i pray i'll release my shackles one day."

the month to step.

2008-09-04T03:21:00.000+08:00

hey. yeah i know, took me long to update myself here, hahas. i already don't have the habit to go online anymore.. perhaps its just me having a little change in my lifestyle.

sublimation.
Well to begin with some things are not the same anymore, not quite used to it yet, will take some time to cope. hmmm. just got reminded of the promise i've made myself, hahas. its just so sudden. perhaps its a hard road i'm taking. =/ i dunno. Guess i'll just
keep on waiting.

updates.
hmmm. a little update to the start of September, this month is my mugging month to at least finish up my whole a-math 10-years series. not sure i i'll able to do all the chapters but i hope i'll be able to do my best. this also means from this day onward i will only restrict myself to only a day a week, 2 hours of psp. other than that its only my mp3 player. its going to be a horrible month for me, cause i've never tried anything like this before, pray tat i have the discipline for this. =)

Next month will be my O's.
hmmm. To be real honest, i'm rather feeling uneasy. don't know if i ever mention about it before but i'll talk it out here now.

hmmm. i'm quite worried
if i'll able to mix in class every again.
In my life i've been through a series of smooth transition in my schooling years. up until now. A sudden pause of 2 years, because my application failed the first time and now i'm taking my O's to have a confirmed seat in the JAE application to get into Poly/JC. for 2 years i've not experienced the life of being in a classroom. Though it sounds simple, but its hard for me to open up once more. i keep failed my classmates before. i have that fear that it might happen again. I don't know if i can work in a group as well as 2 years ago. sighs, who could understand my pain? hahas.

Another thing is my age,
i'm not sure if i want to keep telling my classmates everything i've been through. Oh wells, if they asked i guess i'll just keep answering them one by one. But surely i really need a short and sweet story to summarise everything. =/ hahas, how does "i'm 2 years older because i withdrew in my first year and failed the application to re-enter. 2nd year is the year where i took my application to get into this class." LOL.

hmmm. a step at a time i guess.
hahas. why is it so cold every night?

oh well. Post shall end here. hahaha sorry yi jun, i still couldn't find any pictures to post yet. see how la, i'm not a guy who take a picture of himself everyday. lol. Anyways wishing you fun in your trip. =) hehes.
Nights people! =)

i'll do whatever it takes,
to turn it around.

August rush.

2008-08-26T01:40:00.000+08:00

hello people. hahas. Well to begin with, i think for now my mood is a little stablised i guess. I guess i didn't much mention to you all how i was feeling right? lets.

a pack.
oh wells. i must learn how to walk on my own. perhaps its because i've been missing the classroom environment for so long, thats why i've lost my old self. i'm not as open as before and i've been trying to be independent ever since i made the decision to withdraw.

road.
Honestly its never been a smooth journey ever since. i have to admit that this had to be the period of my life which i had experienced the worst. Everything turned all so messy and loose, i'm changing for the worse.

prayer:
"Pray that one day may i learn to be strong, because i can't go weak in my knees anymore. No one ever comes by at my darkest moments. Perhaps i've never realised so, but i don't want to be so weak in faith anymore. Today, i will pick myself up and move on. This is my prayer and it shall stay, forever more."

Today.
rest at home through noon. Left the house by 4.30pm to go sunplaza mac to study. dunno about you, but i find it ok to just sit down and study. lol. i've never done so in my entire life till i made that decision. well, took me12 years to finally pick up a book to study, hahas. =P

sit there and studied for like an hour then yeenern joined me. then after some time joleen and nydia came over. run some errands then sat down again to study. they hanged arounf for awhile then after they left. not their fault, but i chose to stay and continue my studies.

Then from that moment then on i think i just sat there for 5 hours and study. lol. only managed to recap what i learned a couple of months back, the chapter about differentiation. Not facing any problems at the moment but i feel that i'm kinda not studying fast enough. =/

this coming thursday will be my last lesson in Private school already, and my teacher is going to cover 3 chapters at one shot. wow for her man. hahas. well it can't be helped, i'm lagging behind already. still got 2 more chapters to go and i only just done the first few pages only. time to mug. hahahas. i never thought i'll ever use that word. =x

Now, 2:18am.
hmmm. at the moment, i'm in need to sleep and its already 2 am. lol. oh gosh, forgot to check whether there's anyone in sembawang sec' to withdraw the key to BB room. sighs. its going to be a mystery if i ever realise i'd wasted my morning there. hahas. nvm i shall have faith! lol. hmm, time to sleep anyways, dunno when i'll wake up either. hope i can in the morning. =/ oh well.
Good night all. =)

i might weep.
But my fauth still rest in you.

Tired.

2008-08-23T01:17:00.000+08:00

Hey people! 2 days since i last blogged. Hmmm, here to update a few things and stuff. let start with today!

23Aug, 1:42am.
lol. i know i know. hahas. then some more tml parade in the morning i still haven't bath. Gosh. need to wake up at 6am, i'm so real tired. the day 2 hours ago was so tiring! i'm glad i get finally lie down and rest.

Hour ago.
Hmmm, an hour ago i asked a question i know i shouldn't be asked. =( i don't know, i also get those lonely moments when i needed company like everyone else. Who would want to understand a heart like mine? who would be so kind to be someone like 'me', to help me? hahahas. i think i should not let myself be so brittle. i need to move on.

The fatigue, yesterday.
i'm so tired! i don't know whats happening to me, but i just couldn't get a fulfil good night sleep anymore. its like no matter how i sleep i just won't wake up feeling so awesome or whatsoever. LOL. i dunno how long never expecrienced that feeling le. =(
oh wells, who cares? hahas.

Now, 1:59am.
Wah! i seriously cannot continue any longer. i see if i can post after everything tml afternoon. i seriously need to catch some sleep to 6am liao.

Good nights People !!
what have i, in this life?

Gliders Event, "Condor Soars."

2008-08-09T02:21:00.000+08:00

Heya! took me a lazing 9 days to update, opps. haha. hmmm.. quite a number of things i wanna talk about, always get so moody when i wanna sprout out all the stuff i can remember.. Maybe its the smell of paints these few weeks that's causing my headaches? oh wells, lets begin.

Thankful.
"For today's answered prayer! hahas! its really a miracle. Today woke up quite late, initially i wanted to meet up joleen and trina for breakfast de, but i was really tired to even come for the whole NDP parade. =( (i'm sorry mei, couldn't come to see you and the others.)

Took a taxi to sembawang instead cause i woke up really late already and had lots of things too much things i need to do at gliders and i was running late from my own timing...."
end post on 09/08/08 2:32am.

Argh, sorry for the sudden pause, cause this was a post that was suppose to go up a week ago, hahas. i only now got time to update and continue this post. I'll try to remember what i can and start the next post asap, or else i think my blog is just going to continue to rot. hahahas. okok, back to story.

Thankful(follow-up).
hmmm, what i can remember was that i spend my entire day at gliderz that 8th & 9th of August. Friday(8th) spent the whole day at gliderz with Elvis's and Marcus's company. lol had fun and did alot of painting. lol! actually i had difficulty choosing the colour for Our condor wall painting, so i go do something real funny lol. I go sms nydia and joleen at the same time, then see who replies me first shall decide the colour i'm going to paint on the wings of condor. 'dia was solid black, whereas jo' is chocolate brown.

To my surprise nydia replied me the first. hahaha. oh wells, jo didn't replied me the whole day, i guessed she must had a really tiring day going for NDP in the morning, collect dress in the noon, then wedding night for jy and ruben. =/ wah! i don't have invatation card! lol, nvm la hahas. i'll still gave my blessing for the both of them no matter what happens. =)

Anyways, Condor is black because of nydia's fast reply. hahas. so that friday i painted on the wings of condor and only thing left undone was the head, sky, hill, group title, and lastly writing the chosen verse.

Then as for that Saturday i had no parade, so i made full use of that day to finish up everything painting job i could for our group's mascot, The Condor. hahaha. jun xian and mr martin came over to help me alot. =) I'm really thankful of that, on that date jun xian managed to finish the cover-up of background. this means if you never noticed that our wall's background wall colour is not the original apple green then that means jun xian has already done a too good job that you didn't noticed it at all. LOL! But really, i meant this as a complement. :) then after that jun xian left to watch NDP at home and so did mr martin.

my NDP?
This also means i missed the celebration! =( i spend my entire day at 589a Gliderz, to painting and finish up before the next day, which is our 2nd and last sunday that we can paint. You know, its kinda sad that alot of people didn't knew i did that on such a special day.. sighs. Not that i want to boast it out loud that i give up everything for weeks for condor, just that the feeling is there lo. It gets kinda lonely that you spend hours alone painting. That's why i'm really thankful for all those people who made a point to come over to gliders and company me. To you it maybe a simple hang-out, but to me its special. Thats why i get so joyful when people comes to help and all, made my life there more bearable. =) Oh, not forgetting that all those people at 589a was really kind to help me oepn all the rooms that i wanted, even the music room to de-stress myself with the drums.. =x hehes.

completed task: 8-9pm, 9th Aug.
Finished the whole painting job for the bird! xD yeah-yeah! hahahas. i have to say its really my first time using colour to paint, painting from small scale to such a big one, and lastly also first time painting a wall. lol. But i couldn't done the painting without the help of everyone in condor. =)) hehes. Hmmm. after that long night i went off to meet wendy for prata at ah mei, then send her back home first(cause it was already near 12pm)then i walked home. i slept thewhole night peacefully causei can really take a break from painting! hahaha.

Hmmm, some thoughts that i add.
well, i gotta admit, i've never had this much fun for along time. =P To me, whether condor wins or not is no longer important anymore, because its the work i'm happy about, not the prize that made me volunteer so willingly for 2 weeks just to paint a wall. x) Sorry condors, i not aiming for the prize. xP hahahas. But if condor ever win, go ahead and enjoy yourselves! =) hehes.

This post shall finally end here!
LOL. sorry for straining your eyes, =P
i'll try to cut short posts from now on. chal!

Last of last.

2008-07-31T02:22:00.000+08:00

Sorry for delayed updates. would you believe if i told you i had no time to use the computer nowadays? hahas. i don't know how long i've never used msn already. plus i already got like 230 unread emails in my hotmail inbox already. lol.

well, i guess i'm going to have time soon because i've finally finished my job days! hahas! but sad to say, i haven't received my pay for the past 2 months yet. =/ need to wait for Ong-San's call.

My arrival and leave.
Period of working days: 23/6- 29/7
Well, its quite interesting to hear when i first came they said the boss just came over yesterday. then when i was leaving the boss wold come the next day. lol.

Another thing is at the first day, i worked from 4.30pm - 2.30am cause i need to do over-night house keeping, (gosh, isetan pepperlunch's window is huge). then my last day i had to pack ice in containers and place them into the fridge to preserve the beef and stuff because the mall will shut down electricity for that night.
i thought i would have difficulty completing everything, it was already closing time and i was suppose to do floor-closing. by the time i got out to do my closing i only had 40mins, left. Miraculously by God's grace, i finished everything before 11pm, which was so unexpected. =)) hehes. i'm really greatful for God giving strength to pull through. =)

Colleges.
well, i'm glad to see all those farmiliar faces again in isetan pepperlunch. =) friendly faces like Jean, Ah Lim, Samantha jie, Ong-San, Wendy-San, and Gosh i had lots of fun working with good old Zaw. x)) hahas. met new faces too, new captains like JoJo and Ah rong, and staff members like Siti, Sandy, Dar Dar, Pyi Pyi, Moe, Uncle Gary, xiao Ji, and little wendy who actually lives quite near my area. hahahas.

Departure.
During my depart it was not say a pleasant one or anything, but i can't blame anyone for thinking the way they think, because i'm indeed always late. =/ next time i'm going to set an hour for my bus ride le, its always so few and rare. =/
Anyways, although i'm late, i'm glad to say i can compensate my lateness with my honest and hardwork. xP heex.

Thanks
(here are the few people i would love to thank)
Dar Dar and Sandy for the really cheap 5.90 discount for my regular salmon pepper rice set meal(yup!). Ah Lim for the really patient guidance, i don't know what to do without you in kitchen. lol. Zaw, gosh i'm so glad to see you again in kitchen man.. it's really a blessing to work with you together in kitchen. =)) Captains like JoJo and Ah rong, thank you for teaching me the right orders and lots of other stuff. Ong-san and Jean for the up-most care. they're like mothers to me, hahahas. And lastly of course auntie Wendy for always supporting me all the time when i couldn't manage, i will never forget you. i'm so terribly sorry i didn't wish you happy birthday that day. =/ pyi pyi and gary, you two were a joy to teach and work with. =) moe, i'm sorry i didn't tell you i was working last day for that day.. hahas, i'll come visit if i have time. =) And of all people how can i forget dear xiao wendy. hahas, its nice to have someone to chat every time when traveling back home. =)

Now: 309am.
Gosh, i'll never have time to do anything now, i'm so tiried. i've got gliderz event proposal to draw and settle the very last batch of form 32a once-and-for-all to finish it up, and school tml 9am at chiong pang. Gosh i'm really tired, i really am.
i'll post again if i find time. Night people.

"i would carry the whole world for you."
"But would you ease mine?"

sobber nights.

2008-07-22T03:42:00.000+08:00

wah, its getting kinda harder and harder to sleep at nights. hmm. happened to find a nice old song that kinda reflects my mood now, hahas. i'll leave it posted at the end.

mood.
well, i've been really thinking about things lately. i gotta be honest that most of them are very random thoughts but, it gets really mixed most of the time. sighs, Perhaps i haven't met other people out there..

But even so, i just don't know how to open up my heart to really find someone else to love. its like been so long ever since i last had a real and confirmed feelings for someone. I guess i'm just looking into another avenue for comfort. Oh wells, pity the lonely people will ya?

i know time-and-time again i come blabbing about things like this, hahas. Sorry yeah? i'm still human. lol. Have to stop all my rumblings soon and really trust God on this. =P hahahas. But anyways, most of the times i'll think about things like this easily.

So just don't be so sensitive when i start talking about it, cause blogging here helps me 'diary' the thoughts down and reminds me of certain past things. hahas.

Condition.
=/ i'm having itchy throat for days now. i guess i might have gotten a cold or something when i ran that day.. oh wells. working for long hours now seems like torture for me cause i'm sick. But was kinda glad xiao wendy came over so unexpectedly, hahas. at least today's closing i had someone to 'lame' to during my restless journey back. =)) thanks!

Now. 22 july, 3:59am.
hmm, i guess this is enough of a updates, gosh i've been tagged again.. LOL. it gets kinda endless once the ball starts rolling.. hahas. oh well, time to sleep! 4 more hours to get ready again to work again.. Well, Rejoice in the Lord because i know he'll bring me through. =)
take cares all! nights.

	Promo Only - Enrique Iglesias-Hero

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Lyrics | Enrique Iglesias lyrics

i was tagged... =/ lol.

2008-07-17T00:19:00.000+08:00

1. What is the most important thing in your life?
:The Trinity.
2. Will you consider a sexual relationship before marriage?
:Forbidden.
3. Do you smoke?
: sorry but i really detest smoking...
4. What is the latest gadget that you own?
:umm. my psp slim? hehes.
5. Who did you mostly text yesterday?
: Joleen. asked me about work and lots of stuff.

6. How old are you & are you a virgin?
:18 and getting old. off course i am, =/
7. What is the last thing that you brought with your own money?
: erm.. a bottle of plain water, a bottle of lemon-barley drink and a can of wax. =P
8. Where do you wish to get married?
:Somewhere she always wanted it to take place =)
9. How old do you think you will be permanently owned by your love?
: eh. tough question. lets just say i lost it for now.
10. How many kids do you want?
: i leave it to God to decide, hahas!

11. Are you in love?
: Being blessed by God's love is what i could ever hoped for. =))
12. Where was the last restaurant you had dinner?
: PepperLunch at isaten ShawHouse. A bowl of miso soup served from my old pal Zaw.
"hey, i had fun working that monday. hahas, hope both of us will work on monday again. =) "
13. Name the latest book that you bought?
: Comic actually, "One Piece".
my elder brother and me are comic collectors.
14. What is your full name?
: Liauw Kee Tee.
Thinking of getting a Christian name.. =/
15. Do you believe in GOD?
: Yes i do! been a happy,
contented Christian even since. =))

16. Name a person that you really wish to meet in real life for the first time
: My Saviour. =)
17. Christina or Britney?
: Can i not comment? hahas.
18. Do you do your laundry?
: when i really have to. Kinda like a sub once mom isn't available.
19. The most exciting place you want to go
: It's a sad thing to not have one. =(
20. Hugs or kisses?
: Let's start by holding hands shall we?
21. Single or attached?
: Single. If you love somebody, first you must learn how to let go.

22. Point out FIVE things about the person who tagged you.
-cute.
-lovely.
-fun-loving
-out-going
-did i forget to mention that
she's beautiful both in & out? =P

23. EIGHT things I say too often
-Thanks!
-Sorry.
-Excuse me.
-a 'Hi' before announcing the order.
-Irrashaimasse.
-Arigato Gonzaimasse.
-onigaishimas
-Welcome! xD

24. EIGHT things I'm passionate about
-Boy's Brigade 13th Company ministry
-Glory Joy Christian Church.
-Gliderz
-my peeps. xD
-3D Animation, the complex ones.
-Monster Hunter! xD
-Long Sleeves button Tees.
-Music is one thing i'll never leave without.

25. EIGHT songs I could listen to over and over again
-eh, most genres belongs to those christian songs.
-"i can sing of your love forever",
-"Here i am to worship",
-"Majesty",
-"Shout to the lord",
-John Mayer, "Waiting on the world".
-Howie Day, "Collide".
-Life house's 'You and me".
-Lin Jin Jie's songs, 期待你的爱.
-Still got alot un-named, =P

26. EIGHT things I learn last year
-only my 3rd year in PepperLunch
then i learn dish-up. LOL.
-PSP and Pandora batteres.. Degraders..
-How to tame my hair.. =_=
-Life of solitude. How to let go.
-Book of "Daniel" & life of "Job".
-Become independent! Work!!
-i think i lost my gentle, weak nature.
But is it suppose to be good? =(
-if i chose to fall behind, i will be responsible for it.

27. EIGHT people to tag
- i'll leave it to you guys if you all wanna continue this tradition. hahaha.

Now, 1:48am.
tml i'll be having school in the morning, 8am.
mh in the afternoon with marcus and his buddies!
Woot, can't wait to party in mh. xD
T'cares peeps!
*snores*

Missed Church.

2008-07-13T20:52:00.000+08:00

A post a week is getting serious.
Should really try to post more. lols.
Now, where should i begin...

what I'd missed?
Missed Church today. Didn't slept well yesterday and alarm clock didn't ring. Forgot to set it to "am". hahas. oh wells, now i owe joleen an apology for not coming to collect the cookies and ken another favor for asking him to help me pay for the Founders Dinner first. =/
Who knows you can miss so much by just missing one sabbath day? hahas.

What i did.
i totally laz'ed in the house for the whole day! lols. no la, cause i'm having such a packed program never really had a good rest at home for 6 days straight, hahas. missing out my quiet time too. Book of 'Daniel' & 'Job', where to begin? hahaha. must really read about them cause i'm picking a name, hehes. i'll bring my bible to work tml, lols.

Work schedule, mon-tue.
wah, lucky my captain called to check on me, told him i can't afford to work on wednesday because i have to get my ic done. And yes i lost my IC a month ago, hahaha. along with my wallet full of privilege cards and near $50 cash too. took me 3 years to lose a wallet though, hahas.
Anyways, Mon: 11am-9pm, Tue: 11am-11pm.
Fingers and apron are gonna get stained.
=(( they are nightmare to smell. lol.

Now, 2:06am. 9 more hours to get ready for work.
Need to report 10:50am, 10min earlier to do morning greeting. then after work going over to Joleen's house to collect the cookies.. hmmm. dunno if i can pass the cookies then..
oh wells, readers take cares! i'm going to bed.
Good nights people!

Now you want to be free. So i'm letting you fly.

Sobber.

2008-07-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

ello! Finally i'm able to come here and post again. i guess blogging long post doesn;t really works for me. first off, because it makes me procrastinate to post some other time till i don't update till weeks later. so i decided to keep my post short but still organised so its not really another massive chunk of essay to read at. hahas.

i'll try update the important stuff first.
Work, PepperLunch: tml(08july) 9.30am-10pm,
1 hour break.
so yeah, like usual i won't be contactable until my break period. But still feel free to leave a sms if you people wanna contact me. hahas. i'll try to reply them if i can.

umm, as for ministry in Boy's Brigade 13th Company, trying to collaborate the last set of Form 32a once and for all, and up coming logistic plans and stuff are also trying to fit in my schedule.. i'm starting to have doubts that i'll be able to complete these task on hand. i must try to discipline myself now.

just had a random thought over the week, i was thinking of getting a rael christian name for myself. i know, i know. "kitty" sounds best to everyone right? Well at least spare a thought for poor me being called that way all the time.

=/ its really horrible. anyways, thought of Job, pronounced as "jo-ob", not "j-ob". Or Daniel, meaning judged-by-God, not the hello-kitty counter-part. =/

Now, 1:36am, 08july.
Still thinking and stuff, will post about it some other time. its really late now, gotta sleep.
Good nights people!
Things are coming back. But am i ready?

Work.

2008-06-25T11:55:00.000+08:00

Schedule.
I'm finally back in Pepper Lunch! hahas. But i'm only going to work from mon-wed every week, cause thursday got school and friday help my mom to work. Sat's & Sun's are left for Parade and Sabbath.

Timings.
Mon & Tue: Full-time, 9am-11pm.
Wed: half-day, 9am-4pm. (having Cell group at 7pm)

When to call me.
Mon & Tue you can always contact me after 10.30pm, because by then i should be doing my closing and there isn't any customer left either. hahas. as for Wed, breaking off from work at 4pm, so yeah. hahas. But today(wed, 25/6) plan wrong schedule, so only after 10.30pm then can call. =x

Now, 12:06pm.
Hmmm, there's still more to update but.. i'm kinda late for work again. =/ Gotta go... every hour gone is 5 bucks taken out from my wallet. hahahas. Chal People. =)

Return from Church camp.

2008-06-23T04:31:00.000+08:00

Finally tried to update ever since i got back from Church camp last wednesday.
Hahas, i'm such a lazy bum. =P

Once i set foot on Singapore.
Anyways, not much of a break since i got back..
Went straight to visit Joleen with yee nern right after the coach dropped us off at sembawang. Still feel kinda bad that we left she alone to go for church camp. She got sick on the day of our first camp. =(

Shouldn't have let her tried so much delicious food at kenny's... opps! hahahas.

Well, she had high fever for like as long as our camp, so thats why i was really eager to visit her.
And people FYI, we're not dating or whatsoever. I'm being honest here so i wish that you my friend will not gossip (it's a sin.) nor say hurtful things about us, because we're awfully good
'xiong di' & 'Jie mei'. xP

To people who still have doubts:
Believe what you will, but i pray God may let you have peace in your sleep. lol.
Hahas, just kidding. But none the less, i believe you people are trust-worthy people that i love. =)

Anyways, back to story.
its really sad when you can't do much while being overseas. so yee nern and i tried to called her when we can to accompany her, considering that she spends 6 days in her house alone must be really terrible for anyone. it was around mid-noon that we visited her with lunch.

wow, i have to say i was rather surprised that she was much more active now than on the phone those couple of days when i called in church camp. God did answer my prayers after all. =)

Time flies.
But...
its kinda a little pointless when we visited her..
We watched TV in her house the whole noon. LOL.
Oh well, at least i'm glad that she finally got her appetite back and was eatting.
She used to eat as little as a small bowl a day when she was sick. =/
Hope the congee was delicious enough for her although not cooked by me. hahas.

Hang around till 5-6pm and had to leave for home to unpack and bath for later on events.
Sigh, not much of a break for me after a 4 day camp. Dad fetched me around 8 and we travelled to Bedok residence to meet up with the rest of my family. Then had a sumptuous late-Father's day dinner at changi area(yum!) and got back to bedok again.

Later events, day 2.
Had to get ready to leave Bedok residence to be present at the cemetery at 3am cause its kinda like a form of respect for attending plus everything needs to be done before daylight, traditionally. i have my complains but in situations like this how can i refuse my parents to not attend it? =/

Went to the place and Dad and my relatives went in while we waited out on the path.
then after went to another location and found out its still locked until 11am.
so went back to toa payoh to have early breakfast at 5am.

Sure enough i started to have symptoms of exhaustions.
i hadn't had sleep ever since after Church camp.
start to had headaches and lost appetite to eat.

2nd Day of exhaustion.
In the end ate a pill and took taxi with my brothers back to Bedok residence to stay and rest at home all day. One of the slack'ious day i ever had. lol. i'll spare the details, hahas.

Now, 6.16am.
hmmm, long post to update about me huh. hahas.
anyways i'm going back to work tml at Pepper Lunch, hope i didn't forget the skills, hahas. tml working at around 4pm till closing, 11pm. wed is.. oh gosh i forgot. hahas. oh wells, i'll check tml.

Hoping the people there are nice as my older colleges.
hahas. gotta sleep. Good nights people! chal.

"Always rejoice,"
"but don't forget to give thanks."

Church Camp.

2008-06-15T06:28:00.000+08:00

oh-oh! i nearly forgot to post. hahas
sorry joleen chew. =x
today is the start day of my very first church camp that i'll be attending... will be away from this morning till nest wednesday morning!

Sure will miss alot of people. and that includes you, you, you at the back, you looking at my blog, and you digging your nose there(ewww), and off course you. hahas i know i'm lame. i just can't walk properly hahahas.

actually i'm a little rush here and there right now hahas. cause its like 6.30 now and i'm suppose to pack, bathe and leave at that time to meet yee nern for breakfast. =P opps. hahas. oh wells, sorry brother.

yesterday, shopping at Great World.
to be honest i had alot of fun yesterday. hahas i know its nothing much but, its better than shopping alone all the time. thanks guys, you made my day. =) oh anyways i get a little moody if i can't figure out things sometimes, plus that time was reaching my stop real soon s i was rushing; makes matter worse. =P i'm sorry about that.

The day before:
Yesterday, 2nd trip to Sentosa.

Went there with joleen, jo's friend amos, wei hai, yee nern and yn's friend jonathan. like the last time we went to the siloso beach to have fun. sad half way through i got abrasion and can't continue to swim. sobs.

wah, this time i really got sun-tanned. woot. my shoulders are in pain whenever it gets scrapped.. anyways, joleen chew! i'm glad you finally at least Learned your lesson.. hahahas. just remember to always love God for sending those 2 angels to save you. =))

Subway eat fresh.
by the time we left there only a few of us cause some left earlier. so jo, yn, wh and me went to subway to eat fresh. hahas. wh ate 1 foot. didn't knew he had such appetite hahahs. yn ate 6 inch and so did i. but dunno why i got hungry still and ate another 6inch to make a foot.

Share some with jo and gave her 1 of my 4 choice of cookies. glad she finally ate something from from her fearful incident. =) ordered wheat bread, turkey breast & bacon, tomato cucumber lettuce and sweet onion sauce. all i can remember for nyj recipe.. opps! hahas.
well it taste healthy and delicious. =))

yum! x) i so love white chocolate cookie from subway.. i think that's the only place i only want to eat chocolates. hahahas.

Now, 6:52am.
OH GTG! 6:52am and i still haven't pack finish! oh oh zao zao! i'll leave edits fro next time! gtg!
chal!

"Believe in yourself,"
"Because i believe in you."

absense.

2008-06-10T16:51:00.000+08:00

wow. i've really got nothing to say. hahas. i've almost been not updating for a week. well all i've got to say that my week i was being really horrible to practically everyone i know. i'm sorry guys, things haven't been the same.

the only thing i can rejoice about for this week is i've finally cured my nocturnal behaviour. =)

but after everything i've thought about and said so far, there's just somethings that i could just never share. i guess this is the reason why no one knows much about me hahas. But just knowing that i still love God as much as before really comforts me. =)

Updates.
Ummm. to update you guys tonight is going to be another night where i'll be alone at home. well first things first, the place that i'm helping my mom to work for is 2 places. one is a 3-floor apartment and the other is a 1 leveled Big 'mansion' apartment at the back.

Currently my family just rented this 2nd apartment and they're living in that house so they could take care of my grandma whom just had a operation on her kneecap.
which leaves me all alone at home. =/

alone at home.
Seriously i'm not sure what to do at home. i just know that i have to start doing my own laundry now because half of my wardrobe shifted to the apartment already. since no one else is at home but me, i have to cook and wash my own dishes. lucky this is not really the first time. however i never really did a good complete job for laundry. hahahas.

studies.
hmmm. for now i'm starting to attend 'Penciltutor' Tuition centre for my o-level this year. however i'm only studying one subject there so only mobilised on thurdays 8am-11am.

i know, 3 hours a week is damn short for studying so i'm going do my self-studies whenever i can. as for my literature.. i need the novel "enemy of the people".. its 2 years ago kinda thing so i'm guessing i'll really have to hunt for it...

random comments.
other than that i guess thats much all said.. things are same.. nothing much happened over the week while i disappeared from the internet. hahas. all i know now is that i forgot to give my friends their pay yesterday. hahas. hope we meet up soon and i can really give them their pay.

oh-oh! thanks evan for helping me looking out for wallets. i didn't know such lovely angels exist. xD hehes. please do not be offended if i did not called you that before hahahs. xD

going out?
Going to Plaza Sing later to go take a look, can't think of anyone to go with me. =/ not that i don't have good friends but.. i don't think anyone wants to go for my own accord ether. hahas.

sorry! but do leave a tag if you're really such guy/gal.
my level of observation has dropped. =P hahas.
but hope i'm gonna like the wallet though. =x

Now. 5:48pm
oh just got a call to have dinner out. maybe i do have friends who are that nice... =)
gotta go, edits i'll leave for later when i get back.
Chal!

Jealousy. something that i've always ignored.
but this time, i think i've really tasted a little.

Explaination for not inviting.

2008-06-04T01:27:00.001+08:00

Okays, here comes the explaination. Look guys and ladies, please don't get offended if i didn't invite you guys over. to be honest it was indeed on purpose and i apologise about it.

First thing i have to make clear that this party is not for me.
It's not my party! please don't misunderstand!
and i told Dhineash specifically try not to invite people except for sec 2. So do not put any blame on him because i told him to do so.

Secondly, reason i didn't want to call you people is because i really, really wanted to make this BBQ like the sec 2 followship-time. If a lot of seniors of us went the BBQ i assure you the seniors will indeed takeover this BBQ and make it their time instead of the sec 2's time of fun.
I wanted those boys to have their very own BBQ for once, so i'm really sorry for making this BBQ a little selfish. =(

Thirdly, i don't want to make this BBQ like and BB event. I didn't want you guys to be there because i know surely you people would stay there till very late, because the bbq bookd time started from 6pm-11pm. I initially didn't want the boys to go home late because the next day we had parade.

Another reason i didn't invite you guys because it would be pointless, i will only stay for 90mins and i'm gone. Thats why i made this "party" a sec 2 party only. I know in the end some people came as unplanned(not that i blame you guys, don't misunderstand.), but its really hard for me to turn down people on purpose.

People who misunderstood that this party
which is actually not for me, i'm sorry.

People who i loved to invite
but i just had to say no, i'm sorry.

People who i did not tell you
about this party, i'm sorry.

People who i purposely rejected,
i'm sorry.

People who missed the fun,
I am so terribly sorry. =(

I promise if there's going to be another BBQ which
is coordinated by me, i'm sure i will promise to
remember you wonderful people and
invite you peeps over okay? xD

Please forgive this little
18 year-old boy. =X

30 may. =x

2008-06-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

Friday, 30th may.
My day. weights on my shoulder are loosen because i manage to get my Deferment under control.. got to wait for the period 2th-20th June to do my enlistment stuff to safely get the Deferment done.

First thing in the morning.
On that morning went to work with my 2 college. this time the 3-floor apartment is occupied, so we do not need to go to the house to do any house keeping.
Went to the other apartment which is just further down a bit from the first one.

Work!
That day we did scrubbing of the pavement floors, washing & hanging up half the curtains and setting up a computer which was originally from my house.
Sounds a little little to you but we worked for 2 good hours before we all fell into a mattress a took a rest.

movers.
Afterwards the 'movers' that my mom mentioned would come, came. it was just uncle Tan and my Dad. i thought there was going to be workers around too to help carry out the furniture, but end up i was that particular worker. =x
thanks Dad. hahahas. xP

work.
Got to be honest, we just demolished the wooden cardboards a piles of wood, and carried out to the lorry and piled them up the back. brought ouy about the amount of wood that would make out 2 large shelves and a few spoiled utility stuff.

travel.
afterwards mom came back from hospital after seeing grandma. thank God the operation was a success and she's getting well already. =) mom got us to the tanah merah mrt and like we always do, we train all the way to marina and then back to sembawang.

Preparation.
Went to Ntuc to do a little grocery for a small BBQ at Dhineash's house. total stuff costed nearing a hundred, 80 buck plus. =x gosh what we brought? lamb & chicken patties, Bread, 3 packets of mush-mellows, hotdogs, Fishballs, Otah, Satay, 4 litres of drinks, BBQ stuff, and off course the 1kg of wings.

Dhineash's Place.
Soon we got to the venue and finally started t get ready, but the weather started to pour. however it was a miracle, we all prayed and soon the rain was gone. =) hehes. started to get the charcoal heated. but i left the younger ones to start them with the seniors looking over them.
thx clement & winson. =)

Food!
Gosh i tell you never mix unknown honey into patties. hahas. pure patties taste alot better. =P then we forgot to get the BBQ sauce. sad. but nvm, this time i remembered to get 3 packets of mush mellows, hehes. x) wah, then college became a real mother for everyone there, unpacking and preparing the food. hahahas. =)) thanks so much!

Unexpected turn of event!
Wah, this was the shock of my time. both of my colleges came out of the dark with a Birthday cake for me. i was so surprised and i totally didn't knew. hahahas thanks so much!
As i've said, this party is not for me! please please although there is a cake involved but its really not the purpose of the party!
but seriously, thanks college for the cream on my face. hahahas =)
oh and Dhineash, the chili sauce on your face felt sooo good. xD hahahas just kidding. =) thanks alot bro.

afterwards.
i left at 8pm, went over to meet my primary school friends for a late night movie. i would love to stay and continue to have fun but sorry i just can't get thrown in the pool that night. hahas.

Now. 4th june, 3:41am.
hmm, as expected i wasn't able to wake up for parade cause i went home really late. gotten quite a handful of complains of good will. its alright, i understand their views.
i will take the blame because i believe God wants me to learn. i do trust in him. don't worry about me okays? i'm fine.

Gosh! finally finished 4 post and i'm already so tired. happy reading! lol
Chal, people i love. =)

i won't forget this day.
the day you gave me a surprise. =)

a series of unfortunate events?

2008-05-30T05:58:00.000+08:00

Friday. 5:54am, 30 may.
ello people! a little early to post i have to say, hahas. didn't post for a few days already and i so wanna post what happened on wednesday, hahas. was the most hectic day for me that i've ever experienced. anyways wed's post will be on the previous post, so to look more organised and i can post thursday's event here. hahas.
woah, 2 post at one go, i don't think i'm going to manage.. plus another coming up about later events of my friday.. oh, faint. =_=

Thursday, 'Slumber'
basically i can skip a lot here, cause i totally didn't go for my first lesson at my private school, Penciltuitor.
refer to my previous post if you're curious about my school. lol.
Neither did i went to college's house to help out her work either. what i do? i pigged the whole afternoon! xD hahahas. i'm such an crap i know. hahas. okok, but i did wake up la in the end.

Woke up at 4pm. not long after went to gobble a packet of chicken rice younger brud got me. =) hehes thanks. then after use bath and change to stand-by to go out cause i know i can't stay at home all day. =x used computer while i waited.

Going out! 6pm.
Finally got stable and went out to meet a friend at causeway point. hahas, she hasn't changed a bit. still as lovely as ever. =)) think it has been about.. 3 months ago since i went out with her? hahas. its good to be back. =) we can still click together ever so good.. well at least i think so, lol. oh and victor, shut your mouth. hahas. xP

Pressie! =))
off course the motive of asking me out was to pass me my pressie hehes. cause she has to go for a camp the next day. wah, to be honest, this is a day i'll never forget. it was a day i get to see how much someone put their heart into making a present for me. hehes, you are loved. =)) oh and just so to let you know, you are the first in giving me, it's the first pressie i got, first in everything. hehes. x)

Dinner, my lunch actually. 7pm.
she was hungry so we went down to mac to spent Macdonald points away. but i didn't used mine cause i'm reserving mine for someone. hahahas, i'll post about it next time. total amount we gobbled: 2 student fillet meals, 1 pac' of Mc Wings and a takeaway 9 pic Nuggets.

after dinner we made our way to sembawang cause i meeting another group of friends. 1/2 of the reason is to send her home actually. =P hehes.

Traveling. 8:00pm
she got off earlier before me, was a little sad i could send her home after so much she've done for me.. hmmms. Alighted a the Semb' Interchange. took 882 instead of taxi to the eating house before sembawang park. then a stranger asked for change to drop in coins into the box for bus fare. so i gladly took out my wallet to return the kindness for those times i had the same situation. =)

Arrival. 8:40pm.
finally reached to see everyone almost finishing up. hahas, first thing i heard was college 's complain that she never felt so used in her life. first time she had to serve 3 big boys soup, plus she's the only girl there. hahahas. sat down and chat and have fellowship together. then was talking about getting a BBQ for later today.

Arrangement.
Mainly inviting ken's boys and a few girls? LOL. i kinda feel sad i didn't invite people from my own age. =/ sorry guys.. cause i'm afraid things might turn out to be more of senior & junior thing. wanted the boys to feel more in control and responsible for the fun instead if you guys get what i mean. hahas. ken you wouldn't mind right? its their holidays. hahahas. don't worry, i'll promise i'll take care of e'm. =)

Realization.
Wah. this was the shock. remember when i took out my wallet to help change money to the stranger? yeah, now when they wanna pay their bills i realised i lost my wallet. sad. i don't lose personal things so easily de. sad.

Went to backtrack myself and searched the whole place to made sure i really lost it in the bus. couldn't find it. sighs. Then college and college-to-be both accompanied me to the bus interchange and police station to make a report of lost wallet. thanks guys. =) afterwards we all went home.

Lament. (wallet.)
Gosh. for all things to be lost.. i lost my wallet. it was a birthday present that gan-mei ivy yeo gave me. =( i'm so sorry i lost it. and off course i lost everything in the wallet too. it has my IC (that's why i went to the police station.) POSB Bankcard and a $60+ amount. oh-oh and lots lots of discount cards inside.. Espirit, 77th Street, Timezone card with Qiu Song's balance inside.=x, and lots of old forgotten memories inside... hmm. i guess its time i let go of the past. hahas. don't worry it won't have anything to do with you guys/gals if you're reading, because the person i know has that relation will never read this blog one. hahas. plus its 2 years ago kind of thing already. lol. even if i didn't, she had already moved on. LOL.

Random comments: 7:02am.
Hmmm. but still losing a birthday present just feels so bad. sorry Ivy!
hmm, another person's birthday is also coming up. she was in my adventure camp group when i was leader.. hahas, she was very quiet then compared to now. so chor lor. xP hahas. gift already found but still haven't brought yet. think going to buy it a few days later after i settled for another wallet first.. hahas.

Pressie-Pressie!
Oh! Oh! the Pressie i got on thursday! it was so nice! i've never got a gift like that in my life and i so love it. x)) hehes. its a sad thing you can't read this blog until you get your rest from camp this sunday.. can i kiss you? LOL! Don't worry its just a way of saying thanks, nothing more. hahas. =)
i'll so remember this day, the day that happened before my brithday. =)
Good Nights people! =D

in solitude i stray.
But with purity i pray.

the peak of my teen life.

2008-05-30T05:50:00.000+08:00

For this post, its been quite a long time ago so i might not blog in detail like i used to, but i'll write what i an remember. =)

Wednesday, 28 may.
The most stressful day of my life.
the case about the "Enlistment act" and fines were one thing. Then there came another uprising headache that i need to settle my Private school enrollment before my birthday which is only 2 days away. Really made me lost the mood to celebrate much. =/

Yeah, it was really a sad period for me, had money crisis of hunting 2k in a hour. only managed to accumulate up to 1.8k but i'm thankful my dear gan-mei Jie Ying came to the rescue.
hehes thanks so much! =))

After everything went to eat dinner with my 2 colleges. wah. Sakae Sushi supper buffet. =P a little ex but get an extra red plate from normal buffets.
i guess having dinner with them lifted my spirits a little.. =)

Now, 4th june 08.
u know, i actually wanted to make this the most bad, emo post i've ever posted because it just so unluckily fall upon my very day;
but i guess i can't do it.
tell you more on the "30may" post.
Chal!

Be faithful, because you need to.
Be strong, because you are loved.

morning.

2008-05-28T06:49:00.000+08:00

Good morning lads!
hahas. i just watched a dvd "PS: i love you". Gosh its such a touching story that i so wanna watch again. hahas. its a good movie to watch if you're in those despair kinda mood.
Do watch it! lol.

Dan in real life.
its also another must watch movie for the family too, highly recommended. a little synopsis about it: this movie really connects to all single-parent-fathers. Dan plays a single father with 3 precious daughters, his wife died a 4 years ago. his a kinda like a counselor to parents with their child, teens to be exact.
Movie begins with Dan, always so lonely when he wakes up to see his wife on the bed. pretty sad situation to miss someone like that if you asked me. Anyways story starts to show the intro to all his 3 girls. then after they went for a trip to a nice bg lounge at the lake. Awfully Dan isn't able to mix well with his own kids even though its his job.
So Dan goes out to cool himself to somehow found new life in a woman he just met. things turn out to be that when he got back he found out that the woman was his Elder brother's girlfriend that his brother introduced to Dan's whole big family. interesting huh, but i really have to say this movie is for the family to watch. it'll be a heart warming show for all to watch. =)
Enough of spoilers, the rest is for me to know and for you to find out. hahas.

What Happened in Vegas?
i also just happened to get to watch "what happened in Vegas" too. Story plots gets a little wrong in the start but soon the movie gets more emotional in the mids of the movie. in the ending of the movie it was sweet. hahas. for a guy to say it so means you girls should go watch it. LOL

Beowulf.
its another fantastic movie i've watched too. Its animated, and i didn't knew it till i watched it. LOL. the animators made the characters so realistic. fooled me by the cover of the dvd to think the viking guy was even real. lols. Anyways Beowulf lives up to his name! its a must watch movie if you're looking for mystical adventure movie filled with hero-monster action. and oh man, i love that Beowulf title music..
can someone get it for me for my birthday? LOL.
i'm asking too much. hahas.

Now, 7:16am, 28 may.
anyways its the morning. hahas, i'm spoiling some time for my appointment later at 8. hahas yeah i missed the one yesterday, actually set my alarm clock at "pm". lols. how crapy can i get. =P
oh anyways college, i just asked my mom, she said ok. =)) saying it here just so i forget, might sleep once i get home in the afternoon cause didn't really get any sleep yet. hahas. i know, i'll take care. =)
Think its enough said. have to go prepare and eat some Break-fast. hahas. may my appointment for my Deferment be a success.!
take cares readers!
Chal.

Why do things always seems so.
when it always doesn't? i sigh.

Updates(Chapter 93).

2008-05-27T01:10:00.000+08:00

Settled.
Yes! just called Penciltutor earlier and tml i got appointment for my enrollment into that private school. 8am-9am at Chong Pang, Yishun area there. don't even know if i'll be able to wake up or not either hahas. =x

Situation.
So far things turn out to be i have to take the 3 basic subject lessons, English, E-math, Science to gain a proper deferment from NS. but problem is that i've registered only for 2 papers; A-math and literaure in english. =/

replacement for the 10k fine & imprisonment. LOL.
fees for 4 subjects would be $220.. Gosh. still Expensive!
hmmm. maybe i'll go there sign up to get paid for teaching also? Hahahas. but i was in awe to find out that that school is only run by 3 teachers. LOL.

Main Concern.
i'm rather worried though, i do not know wether the principle will even allow me to get enrolled in or not. Cause seriously, i'm a 15 pointer, i've already got good result for my 3 main subjects.
A1 for E-math, English B4, Combined-Science B3.
A-math got b4 but i know i can still improve at least by one grade.
Penciltutor don't provide for my literature paper, only for my A-math paper.
With all these said, why would Penciltutor allow me in for? i'm just using them for deferment and only getting myself a teacher for my a-math. i know i'm saying it quite rudely, but its the truth. guess i'll be praying about it all night.. haha.

random thoughts.
gosh, 3 more days and counting before my chance of Deferment is gone. LOL. this is the first time i'm doing a count down for my B'day, plus it isn't for anything but for Deferment from NS. hahas, i'm so craped. haha. its gonna be a weird day for me this friday.....
But seriously, i thank God for making my days so roller coaster these days. although its been frustrating, but i kinda get a little peace out from it.
i dunno how to explain it to you guys, but its just seems so to me. haha. i'm having a really humorous life right now, nothing else can get better than this. =)) hahas.

Now. 1.54AM, 27 may.
its getting very late. if i don't get some sleep i'm gonna be late for tml. hahas. better go print those documents i need to bring for tml..
Good nights people. =)
Chal!

i'm coming back.
Because its all about you =)

Enlistment Act (Chapter.93).

2008-05-23T23:55:00.000+08:00

one of my worst days ever.
the first law i nearly broke and get fine for.
This is the letter i received:

THE ENLISTENT ACT(CHAPTER 93)
NOTICE FOR PRE-ENLISTMENT DOCUMENTATION AND MEDICAL BOOKING

1. Under the Enlistment Act (Chapter 93), all male Singapore Citizens and Permanent Residents are required to serve National Service (NS). Our records showed that you are liable for enlistment into full-time NS upon reaching 18 years old/ completion of your studies.

2. You are now required to file your pre-enlistment documentation in preparation for enlistment and to book a date for you medical screening through the NS Portal between 02/06/2008 and 20/06/2008 by your SingPass ID and SingPass
.
3. Please note that any NS liable person residing within or outside Singapore who fails to comply with this notice shall be guilty of an offence under the Enlistment Act(Chapter 93) and shall be liable on conviction to a fine not exceeding $10, 000 or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding 3 years or to both such fine and imprisonment.

wah, at this point i really want to got crazy and mad for the first time in my 17 years of maturity. i so want to shout and start breaking things.. but i'm not that kind of person. =(
Called up the NS call centre for enquiries for a possible "deferment" just now.

conclusion:
clarified with the clerk and i got a little less tensed. i need to get into a private candidate school for o-lvls to be acceptable for any deferment. Then as for private schools, i have to be Below 18 to register into a private school.

HAHAHA. I GOT 6 MORE DAYS TO GO.
Things are turning out to be more spectacular every step i take. =/ First a fine+imprisonment warning, then now another shocking 6 more days to settle everything.
hais, i've aways been so willing to lend other people my shoulders to cry and to whack on. but for myself? i don't know where to look for my own shelter. hahaha. oh sorry, i was laughing at myself. hahas.
NVM! From that day i told my reason to my ex-school's principle for withdrawing off Singapore Polytechnic is because i've been too living my life off that year. i want to start anew. i already knew i have to be independent for my future. i don't want to be a loser.

Decision for life.
Indeed i've always picked a road to run alone on. i've always picked the toughest road to run, always all so lonely. But nvm! i need to be strong. i'm not proving it to anyone by being brave here, i want to prove to myself that this is the road i've chosen to embark on, this is the reason i'm living so hard for.

terrible post.(removed)
i've writen alot of terrible stuff here actually. but removed it and shift it to a un-post post so you people won't get to see it. xP when will i show it? only to that person who really falls in love in me, who really tries so much as i. hahahas. i'm going to be okay, i'm going to be okay.

Now, 12:54am, 24 may.
blog for so long because of a letter. hahas. this have to be the best present NS could ever give me for a birthday present. LOL. i'm tired. gotta go. chal.

love i've given,
love i'm still waiting.
Denied from receiving,
because i've always tried to be forgiving.

Failing.

2008-05-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

i'm losing all my strength. =/
from a high record of 11 pull-ups to a shocking none. i'm so out of my league... i think readers will be shocked if i told you i managed to do 49 push-ups at one go last year December. But now i can even struggle over 3.

gosh. i think i let my left arm rest too much, until to the point where i lost the touch of strength in my left arm. almost every push-up i make i soley depend on my right arm instead, the left just keep disobeying whenever i want to rely on it. i'm so weak. the title "strong" indeed has been taken. super sad.

Back to basics.
never mind. i'm going to train up, build back my strength to my baby left arm. i want to exercise! at least i'm doing something useful. haha.

Today. 3.30pm-9pm
today accompanied 2 boys to BBHQ to buy some stuff. 2 other friends tagged along too. after purchasing stuff we went to kenny rogers! woot! i'm so high. hahaha. college even joked whether we'll became like leonard, keep bring people to nice places to makan. hahaha.

own a car?
but seriously la, hahas, i wanna go to crab shacks first once i get my driver's license and car. LOL! that'll be a very long long time... because i want to use my own money for the car. =x i will not use a single cent from my parents to buy my car. sorry mom & dad! xP

study! 9.30pm-11.00pm.
mac didn't open 24 hours today. it closed at 9pm because of 'repairs'. forgot how to spell the "m" word. lol. so went to mos burger to study. boys already went off earlier so left 3 of us. my buddy came along to join us later then we started to study. then the two friends left first. can see their really tired. hahas. they went off and i noticed soemthing weird but, yeah. hahaha. its never important to notice such things. haha.

Chapters. 11.00-11.05pm.
studied till my brain juice at 0.00%. LOL. but was surprised la, i managed to covered 2 chapters of a-math which that i do not have confidence in within a month. woot! big encouragement. onto triginomic measurement! xD

Groceries. 11.06-12pm.
went to the 883 to get something to recover my brain. nearly end up getting my head into the freezer instead. haha. ate a little supper and got back to do tedious workout and bathed and now posting ever so far. hahas.

Now, 3.11am.
gosh, work's a 9am tml. going client's house to do furnishing(finally!) and clean up of the 3 storey apartment. the one college so wanted to buy. hahas. leave some simple colour edits on, will make it more pleasant to the eyes tml. hahahas sorry people! gotta snooze! Chal!

i don't like getting right answers,
but it doesn't matter now.
because i've denied myself a long time ago.

Heart of Ecclesiastes.

2008-05-17T05:53:00.000+08:00

Bored at home. =/
really its nothing to do at home when you're sick.
can't get into study mood. lol. i can only surf net and play games all day. i'm so going to get sicker like this. hahas. oh Gosh! i don't like my hair style!! pray it grows back fast! =x

surf net.
Reading mangas! gosh. i didn't know the stories came out faster in net then being published. now i dunno which is original. hahas. but sad. i spoiled most of the fun buying the comics. i wanna collect them but i already know 2 books ahead le. sad. lol.
nvm! i'm a loyal comic collector. hahaha. =)
.
.
mangas!
read "Bleach" & "One Piece", spoiled it. =P
also just happened to read the ichigo 100%. i say first ah i'm not those people out for 'those' mangas. LOL. i read the story because of the the story of love in the comic. pleas people! think straight! lol.

but honestly i was touched by the twist story of the love triangle. it really felt so touching to me.
gosh i think i'm becoming gay'ish again. lol.
but sad to say la, i thought it would be the other girl cause she was the first he noticed. But end up they had that very sad confession scene!!! x(

"toujou sempai" you are very brave!!!
LOL. i'm so preoccupied by mangas...
.
.
reflection. ._.
off course after reading it i thought for myself for a while la. thought of everything i went through in my life. from the day i first fell into infatuation till the day i first found out that very love i had been looking for my whole life...

but seriously la, they're all but just a sad "fantasy". things never lasted as thought i would imagine it to be, but more accurately, it ended so coincidently and shockingly fast. hahas, maybe i'm not the type girls would like. hahahahaha!

It doesn't matter! i will not look back! hahas. what has happen, happened. no matter how much i remorse over the past, time won't go back to the way it was. hahas.
i'll just keep on smiling ahead. =)
.
.
the leap of faith.
just happened to flip to that very chapter in the bible in church last sunday, Ecclesiastes. i guess it must been faith that brought me to the chapter, because that chapter holds many answers more than any questions i could have asked.
Ecclesiastes, the book of everything. it holds all all the laws i've ever been curious about.

but more importantly, it holds the very answer i've been searching my whole life, the answer to my heart. at that time i really closed my eyes to thank God. he's never forsaken me no matter how many times i've did. i'm contended. =)
.
.
Now. 7:36pm, 18 may.
hmmm. just to let you people know i'm fine. after being able to know about the chapter Ecclesiastes, nothing else could've been better. i believe the plan He has prepared for me. i believe in Him. but i will have to say first: follow your God, but do not follow blindly. hahas. okays enough blogging. =) chal.

"Everything is meaningless".
but to the answer of my heart, =)
There is "a time for everything."

mother's day.

2008-05-12T03:07:00.000+08:00

wow!
one week already now then i update. hahas. this post is seriously been left untouched for quite some time. hahas. i try to keep long stories short. =P

s.a.d.
went out with my family on that day to a Japanese restaurant, ichiban sushi(i think.) at Thomson plaza. book the seats and went off the explore on your own. my elder, younger bro and me went to visit this lego shop just downstairs. then end up i got too carried away with sms'ing that two of my brothers brought lego key-chains and i didn't. s.a.d. hahas.

Dinner.
soon we got into a restaurant. wow. i didn't know mom loved lobster that much. hahas. younger bro got a little unhappy about the fact that my parents ordered food with consideration of the amount. so we tried to gobbled down as much as we could. end up i was the last to finish. haha. i still dare to order ice-cream sherbets. xP ohhh its so oishi! fell in love with the ice-cream, hahas.
(Gosh, i can be so gay when i post sometimes. hahas.)

_:)
after dinner we went on our way to dad's car. mom slowed down had a little private talk with me and my dad behind my other two brothers back. as i looked at the backs of my brothers, my mom told dad that those two nearly quarreled in front of her when we were having dinner, then she put her hand on my shoulder. gave me a few rubs till i looked at her.

she told me i was always the calm and always there when the 2 quarreled. i told her,"i know. i've always been the link between them 2." she smiled and told me she was glad to have a son like me. i told her, "this fate was already entrusted to me from the day i was born. i devote my life to accepted it." then we smiled. =) and went home happily ever after. hahaha.

Now. 17th may. 5:47am.
gosh. though it may sound rude, but i guess thats my mother's day present for her. although it wasn't my choice to be born into this family, i'm happy i did. =) i know moms usually don't read blogs but, happy mother's day all. =)

gosh. having throat infection, ever since the day before yesterday. =/ gotta take care of myself.. still got 2 more hours to last till parade. oh why didn't i sleep? hahas, tell you peeps in the next post. hahas. chal!

The less i think, the more i smile. =)

gotta have faith! +U !!

45 hours.

2008-05-10T02:12:00.000+08:00

gosh! just got back from my 45 hours of consciousness. =O. i am so tired. will try keeo post short. hahas. went out of the house at near 6 to meet up college and pass her the papers that i helped her print. wah. i tell you its a lot. print 30 plus papers still need 2 sets more. =/

pass notes. (6.20pm)
met up with college and saw my study gang there. hahas. everytime appear at macdonalds no fail. lol. pass the papers and college left with her friend to dinner at a nice place at sembwang shipyard. wah... once i saw the pictures college took hor.. another nice dinner place found. hahahas. x)

meet. (8pm)
oh yeah back to my story, after college left, i stayed awhile then i left for Plaza Sing to meet my elder bro there for overnight lan. =x some more i still having swollen eye-lid. hang around there till like 9-10pm before we went to Meridien's 24hour lan shop.

s.a.d.
wah. sad. i didn't want college to know de, but i had to be honest with her when she ask. i never want to lie to her. she got upset about it. then i practically had no mood to play lan. =( plus i'm already out with my brother and his friends le.. i'm like stuck in the middle. but i can say money isn't the bigger concern at that point of time. =(

keep sms'ing her instead of playing dota. hais. a lot of things happened. i'm so worried that college might have different perception of me now. hmmm. i don't know what's going into her mind that time. she can't hide from me when she's upset de. i always know, or at least i presume. =x but then. think after that very day her view of me has changed. =(

Question. =x (1am)
college had to sleep early so end up her sister want to sms me again. =P hahas. wah! asked me same question again. hahas. gave her the same answer i always give her. hahas. hmm, actually i already know my answer. but i'm not going to say! hahahas. too bad. xP

Grace.
then play-play-play.. till 7am. gosh i have to admit, my swell got a little smaller. =x i also dunno why. hahas. God's grace. hahas. but still whatever i've done i'm still in the wrong. =/ hais. what to do. slap myself? hahas. i'll pray for forgiveness bahx... =(

'7am'.
server closed. we left the place and i nearly forgot my wallet. hahas. went to PS's mac, and woot. macdonalds just open at the right time. =) got in and i tried my first mc-griddles! gosh, i found my 2nd love. in 'mac' terms la. hahahas.

then wah. its the first time i've seen someone took so much pepper at one go. 33packets. my elder brud's friend's meal was entirely covered in pepper, like food dig out from Sahara desert pepp'or-sand. hahahas. xD he spent half of his time tearing and spraying pepper over his meal hahas.

meet college. (9.10am)
we left the place at about 8plus. Elder Brud' and his pal had to go back to dorm, so i went home with his pepper friend. hahas. he alighted at khatib, while i sembawang to meet college for work. [wah, i still haven't really rest at all. >< ] mom woke up a little later than expected, so i had to coordinate everything so nicely that college wouldn't complain. opps! hahas.

off to work.
End up i found out she was quite hardworking with the print notes she asked me to print for her yesterday. lol. went to her house then we bus down to woodlands and then to my house area's woodland's plaza. we brought fishes! hahas but its for client. =/ i never knew college was serious about those fears of furry animals. =x hahas. then all the pets she got so far didn't really last long. =/ must go for petting tutorials liao hor, hahahas.

ride to work. (11am)
mom finally came to fetch us and the fishes(20 guppies) over to the client's 3 storey apartment. oh yeah, i was really shocked that the uncle gave me such a small packaging for 20 guppies.. its like the size of plastic bag you see in the cold-storage for 10 fishballs. LOL. then the guppies are like mature and some even pregnant.

sad, i become good-Samaritan and hand-carried the bag of guppies all the way to work site, to prevent those after-shock from bumps when on the road. so good right? end up i couldn't sleep well. =( oh, we went there first cause i'm rather worried about the lifespan of the packaging. hahas.

client's house.
oh my gosh. when we reached the place we were both like in awe. the house is so BIG. its so damn spacious and big. i'll try visualise it for you people.

imagine.
you opened a huge black wooden door with your house key and you see a flight of classic stairs up to the second/third level. you walk up then at the second level you walk through the hallway and you see huge, Huge room, expanding about 18m by 10m, 2 of the walls are windowed planes, outside a outdoor designed garden. garden at second level. wow. room so big already, then the garden hor, winner. hahas. wah. all i can say its a dream house. hahas.

work!
got out to the garden to see the fish pond. was surprised there was still a huge sucker fish there. no really, its called a sucker fish. i don't use rude/vulgar words in my blog okays, hahas. other than that still have a few goldfishes there also.

release.
showed college how to release the fishes properly. gently take them out from the bag first and place the pack of fishes into the water and leave it for awhile. you'll see the fishes start to look around and exploring the tank. after a minute you can slowly without bring rough, untie the rubber band then slowly pouring out the fish while keeping the package half-submerged. say so much ler i don't know if she got learn or not. hahas. oh wells.

pictures.
college got the camera job. she was really excited to explore the house, hahas. half of the time she was telling me that she wants the house, i would too. but sadly the kitchen is small compared to the rest of the rooms. i want a house with big kitchen! hahas.

bad timing.
wah. then wen i visit second house... nature calls. lol. end up use client's house de toilet. lol. then wah! i saw one centipede swimming inside la! gosh! of all places to be poison by an insect! hahaha! end up i have to end it life by flushing it down. =/ use finish le then i clean it like no one was there. hahas xP

lunch.
after when we're done visiting the 2nd house we went off to lunch at the nearby food court. we all ate the same thing, wanton noodles and chin chow, oh and a big bowl of dumplings aside. =x hahas. we chatted at the table while eating.

mom told me that this saturday night got dinner, elder brud treating. wah, then my mom casually ask college if she wanna join us for dinner. xD hahaha. she tio shock off course. hahas. but yeah la, already say le ma, casual question. =P

journey back. (3pm)
mom dropped us at tenah merah. wah, then college.. wah.. better don't reveal. hahas. train back all the way to cityhall and i took my second rebound of the day then to sembawang again. hahas. got off and accompanied college wait for her friend. end up college was occupied by the phone call. aiyo, college ar.. watch your phone bill. hahas.

summary so-far.
in the end didn't come. hahas. college went home and i went to study in mac. gosh. i don't know how long my battery will last. first train to PS, 8 hours of lan & ton all night till morning, train from dhouby ghaut back to sembawang then met college, work for 5 hours, train from tenah merah all the way back to sembawang again. then now study. ><

study. (4.20pm)
sat at mac and study for good 1 hour about functions, cause meeting jun xian later at 8 to study. saw wei beng and tried to call him, no avail. need to sms him to turn 180 degrees than he saw me. hahas. sat there and we chat for awhile to near 6, before we went up to food court and makan. cheaper ma, hahas. get to steal some good sips from his soup. hahas.

Dota. (6.30pm)
met jun xian they all in jelutong CC for lan. wah, it so packed la. need wait till like 7:20 then can get to play. then wah. our other study mate already reached. her friend couldn't make it so end up she's alone there studying. =/ told jun xian at most 2 games then we go meet her. play till 8.20pm. wah i have to say that compare to the 8 hours i had, the13th coy's dota skill is more skilled. hahas.

study again. (8.30pm)
met joanne at mac first cause jun xian halfway went home to get his jacket, cause we'll be studying like till mid-night. she showed me her text book cause i asked her how to do 'completing the squares' method. wah. read le and master it already. hahahas. then jun xian came and we swtiched to a bigger table. had fun studying there till near 11.30pm.

going off. (11.30pm)
study around 11.40 then two adults just impolitely ask, more like demand from us to give up the table. wah, his face was real rotten not being able to find any seats. =x we packed up and went home. it was super late already so decided to send joanne home. i announce first! i have no intentions what so ever. hahas. doing it because i feel its kinda like my responsibility to any female. ><

journey home. (11.55pm)
hahahas. sending her home was fun, can really be lame with her cause she was in my group a few times in BBGB events. hahahas. its been a long time since i'm so happy le. thanks sister. =) wah then we reach her door stepher ah ma open the door. lol. such a coincidence. hahs. we say our goodbyes and i rush back to the mrt station and manage to catch the last train, even still have a good 8 minutes left. then sad, hp dead. no music. T-T travel home so lonely nia. wish i was a girl and i met someone like me. LOL.

home-sweet-home! (12.50pm)
FINALLY, home-sweet-home. =)) can't remember what i did then, think i changed my clothes, use my laptop for awhile then went to sleep. oh! charge my hp to see joanne's message. hahas. she's a good girl. :) but, sad la, to know such a thing happened to her. i will pray for her. =)

Now. 12 may, 3:39am.
wah. this is a damn long post. i'll try to edit it to a shorter version or at least split it up to 2 post. hahas. just had french toast and took some funny photos with it. cannot blame what, what to do when i'm alone? hahas. okok think i'll go play my PSP le. maybe going to switch to play original games. lol.

Good Night people!

its nice to see someone you care smile,
why not you be the reason they do?
i pray to do what i can. =)

registration.

2008-05-07T19:56:00.000+08:00

updates.
its been long since i last update. =P was having swollen eye-lid over the last 2 days. that's why although i online i'm most of the time away, resting my eye away from computer.

wakey.
this morning was terrible. woke up to find i couldn't open up my left eye-lid. hahas. literally it was glued together and i need my fingers to help peel it open. gosh. if one day i don't have hands i dunno what to do when both my eye-lids are swollen. hahas.

bored.
wah i tell you there is practically nothing to do at home. i'm banned from studying. =x cannot play too much computer games. i can't do things as efficient as both eyes can.
Guess i'm left-eye-dominant right-hander. hahas

register!
although with a arthritic left elbow and a swollen left eye-lid, i'm still able to send a email yesterday to Singapore Examinations Assessment Board(SEAM) for my applications to this year's o-levels(finally!).

Email:

Hi,

i just read the relevant information regrading where to submit late entries of application for this year's o-level examination. i am aware i have to pay a late entry fee of $50 exclusive from the paper's fees.

i would like to apply for two papers,
Additional Mathematics (code: 4018) and Literature in English (code: 2015).

However i do not know which information i need to supply in this email. Could you please notify me as soon as possible which information do i need to fill in this email?
thank you.

There is another question i would like to ask, which is regarding about the application for Joint Admission Exercise option provided for o-level private candidates. Since i'm only applying for 2 papers, will i be still eligible for this JAE option even if i fail any of my papers?

Sorry if i sounded impatient but the dates are closing in and i only found out this information not long ago. Please, forgive me of my intrusion but i plead you could reply my email as soon as possible.

Thanks.
With regards,
Liauw Kee Tee.
O-level certified Singaporean male.
Reapplying for o-level retake.

hahas. sounds so not like me. cannot blame, my first ever formal letter. hahas.

Now. 7.13pm
going to post another one later. gonna watch tv hahas. its been months since i last watch tv hahas.
Chal.

Praying.
for healing hands. ._.

crab shacks.

2008-05-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

woo. went out today again, but this time i brought my test book out to study. hahas. hmm, today i'm rather tired so you lucky people finally get to see my first shortest post. hahas.

Crab Shacks!
today went out with some friends today to makan again. Gosh this place called Crab Shacks is good. :) its a western-cuisine outdoor restaurant beside the "Bestway Building" in the city. oh i recommend that you go there at the evening cause the atmosphere is really wonderful for those looking for candle-light dinners. hahas.

ALL baked rice there are good! 6.80 but definitely worth the money! do try them if you're there. Fell in love with the 'Crab Au Gratin", simply delicious. x)) mushroom soup there is also up to taste-buds-standards. cost $2.50.

its all i tried but i'm definitely going there again once i can drive. hahahas. x)

today.
hmmm. but still alot of things happened today. =( think would be better if i dun share. i'll just pray for a way. sighs. i'll have to be happy to make others happy. =) hmm. lets all pray to be strong! =)

Now. 11.58pm.
Gosh i'm tired. physically and mentally and in-thoughts.
Realised there so many things that out of my control, and there's nothing much i can do sometimes. hmmm. feeling a little tired and sick. hahas. who understand a heart of a quiet-worker? ._. oh well. have faith in God bahx little servant. hahas.

Good nights all. =))

When things are out of your hands,

it will be in the hands of God. =)

3rd May.

2008-05-04T06:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a long day. =P
woke up at 11 plus by college's sms. hahas. Was rather tired plus i woke up with a stinging elbow. =( another relapse. wanted to fetch college from bus stop one but end up i was a little slow plus a recieved a call from grace when i was just about to leave the house. She ask me to help her find the bible verse of Corinthians 13, which is my Blog's title text. hahas. after hanging up i walk towards the door to see college there already. hahas.

work.

started work at 1. but we work until too tired to be energetic about our admin work. side-track several times. end up we just gave up, too tired to continue. but at least worked for 3 hours. then pizza came. =P the drumsticks from pizza hut is nice. xP

got bored and play dota! hahahas. but still got tired of it and switched to msn games. =/ end up still tired to do anything else.

Ticket out. hahas. =x
Dhineash called. asked if i wanted to go out study plus teach him later. college got excited and started smiling to me. hahas, sounds so wrong. =x we packed up and left the house at 5 to meet them in mac. college called her 'mummy' over to meet up and plan stuff.

end up mac full. switched to coffee bean and i enjoyed my mocha, x)) but fatting still. =P stayed for few good hours and the change venue to mac. stay there till 11.30pm before start making my way home.

Dota. =x
got home to see my brothers playing warcraft lan. wah. xD excited man. striaght away joined them and played till 2 plus then something happened.

read!
Don't be so sad, because if we're sad, how can we cheer others up?. i only can say that there's only so much that we can do, we cannot change the world alone. But still we can always stay by their side and give he or her the up-most support of love that no one can ever imagine.
maybe thats just what he or she needed all the time.

Be brave, always persevere. there will be other people like this by your side so always remember that you're never alone. we all want to make you happy. so cheer up okays? =))

Opps, me and my riddles. hahas. hope you feel better though. i'll pray for it. =) so you also must pray about it ar! i believe He will make a way for all of us. have faith. :)

Now. 1:17pm
lol. end up i blog till the next afternoon(now) already. arm's getting a bit strained.. might be lack of sleep. =x must go see a doctor soon. fear might be link to arthritic.. oh gosh! gsm starts at 2! i'm so gonna be late... =P
chal people!

Flee from sorrows,
Because its love that really matters. =)

Aftermath. Jog.

2008-05-02T02:39:00.000+08:00

woo, just jogged from Evergreen Sec', woodlands to SunPlaza, sembwang. x)

sembawang area

Saw Winson & Alvin in sunplaza mac, discussing about the BB. Also saw Qiu Song and his friends playing psp lan. =x their playing my game! tempted to join them.. hahas.

Found out later that i had abrasion on my right heel. =/ went to 7-11 to buy one box of handy plus, end up pasting all over. hahas. used a total of 9 pieces, cause had to keep changing. =/

Walk to Boardway to have supper with victor. Gosh we ordered alot la. laksa 2 bowls + kway chap. >.< looks like we already wasted half of our hard work. =P so we decided to extend our hard walk by walking home.

surprise.
in the end walk all the way back home from sembawang, Broadway back to woodlands, our block. then took a bath and only then i remember i forgot to wash the identities.. opps. hahas.

Wash-up.

send it to my washing machine and leave it to wash while i went to bath. came out after having a nice bath to collect my laundry. sad. mom used up all the place, had to use the living room instead. took out 2 bamboo poles to lay out while i iron half of the identities.

Now. 3:14am.
then now everything's finished except for folding them up. gosh, 20 of them, a pair of hands. =_= tml then do. hahas. i'm just exhausted now and wanna came a nap. tml still need meet college to bring her over to my house, scared she get lost. opps! hahahas. xD

okays. time to get some sleep.
Good Nights people!
i haven't asked mine. =x

re-take.

2008-05-01T19:14:00.000+08:00

well, at least one thing i'm happy about is that i didn't forget my a-maths foundation. =)) oh yeah, talking about a-math because i'm going to take o-levels a-maths this year along with literature. =x

Current states.

i'm retaking my o-levels because the previous application i used (Direct Admission Exercise) failed. Joint Admission Exercise grants me high chances for me to get enrolled officially. however i need to be a o-level graduate to get this option of application, either a sec 4/5 graduate or a private candidate retaking o-levels. i'm classified under private candidate taking o-levels this year.

so yeah. hahas. got anymore questions can post in my tagboard cause i don't know what other question will be asked. lol.

yesterday; Studies.
Went to study at mac sunplaza with jun xian, joanne and cherlyn. Yee Nerng also also joined us to ask about some a-maths theories cause he's now currently talking a-level math this year but he don't have a-math foundations during his secondary school. =/

but being in jc is better than compared to poly, cause teacher in jc will really teach their students where as polytechnic lecturers sometime can choose the simpler route just let the students fen for themselves. Maybe in polytechnics we're not suppose to rely on the teachers in the first place at all.

Movies!
Only realised when i study halfway through that that day was the first day showing ironman! o my gosh!!! i wan to watch it! xD hmmm. but i dunno who want to go watch with me though. hahas. i'm a marvel-fanatic. hahas. then some more i still haven't catch the movie forbidden kingdom. disappoint la. tsk. =/
"Anyone wants to watch with me? hahas."

Studied from 5 till near 10pm at mac. took Li Rong's a-math textbook that she gave to jun xian. cause he got a poly 'A-Math' textbook already. hahas. read the textbook all the way home. understood everything the chapter of "permutations". Cause i've learned A-math before for 2 years also. just hope it'll be the same for all chapters.. =P hahas.

addictions. =(
Got home to use computer to do some miscellaneous stuff for a while. then my younger brother intro me a new heroes map in war craft III. wah. thats wen i played till like mad. played near to 3am. =(
then end up missed today's seminar. hais. disppointed. must change must change!

Now. 8:17pm.
hmm, later going to go jogging at 9pm with victor. gosh. think i lost my stamina already. going to jog from my area(evergreen sec) till sembawang sunplaza. hahas. longest run i'm going to make i think. hahas. then also a little worried that my arm might become a burden. =/ need to be extra careful for myself. =/ hmm.

yeah. so post until here.
see how la after i come back maybe will post again for any worried readers. =x hahas.
Chal!

"Life's a blunder."
"unless you see it the other way. =)"

arm relapse.

2008-05-01T18:52:00.000+08:00

sighs. today my arm relapsed again. think its because i slept late yesterday then some more i press onto my arm when i was sleeping. woke up this morning at 7am in pain. =( back to square one. hais. i ought to better get my arm checked, i fear it might be permanent. Couldn't attend the seminar today at campsite, sorry David cell.. =(

Disappointed in myself also.
Must really kick the habit of my late nights.

No more games after 12midnight!
Go see Doctor ASAP!

"i long for that day,"
"that someone could walk with me."

breeze. =)

2008-04-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

Church event:
__just got back from the Captain Frisby + Picnic event organised by the church.. got home late because i chose not to go home home early like the others. the event was conducted near a sea side., and since its been a long time i last visit the somewhere to relax, i thought of going there to enjoy the breeze. =)

__sad thing is that i didn't bring anything out to draw. LOL. hahas.

__i went over to those man-made rock walls leveled above the sea, so i can be closer to the sea and not get wet. hehes. the breeze was wonderful. sat there for a few enjoyable hours. =P

past.
__then memories start coming back.. those happy times... those sad moments. But i know its all the past, and it won't affect the now me. a lot of things has changed. Never have i thought i'll end up where i am. hahas. but i will never say i've wasted my life, because i've learned to see beautiful things that sometimes we all overlooked. =)

__i'm contented with what i am now, but i know i can do better. i believe He has a plan for me, so i'll keep walking forward, never looking back. what matters is what i have now, so i will learn to cherish.

Dream.
__As i was sitting there i thought of the dream i met yesterday. in the dream i was happily in love. hahas. sound very weird i know, but its the truth. we hold hands, spend time together like going to places together, enjoying time together. i saw her face.. i know who she was. hahas.

__But i don't know if its a sign for me, like those people in the bible who tell future by dreams. hahas. maybe its just a little prank my mind made because it wants to go for a holiday. hahahas. but, i know i was happy in the dream. i even woke up smiling. hahas. silly me.

__Perhaps i' thinking too much already. but one thing is for sure, this incident has loosen the knot in my heart. the Knot was there in the first place not because i have mixed feelings for anyone, but i tied it there myself because i didn't want to risk venturing into somewhere that i don't wanna be. but now, its a little loosen down. hahas. sorry people, i just like to talk in riddles. hahas. practicing my literature. hahahas.

encouragement.
__After all that thinking i saw a kite, way up in the sky. it was so fly, as if it could touch a plane. a small fiddle kite could soar so high up in the sky... really shows me how much perseverance it has. =)
i must work hard! hahas.

__Got up(ps: i was lying down relaxing) to see the sunset.. oh the crimson skies.. was so beautiful. but sad la, didn't manage to get any good shots, everything ended so fast. =/ already posted in my friendster under "Album." go see if you want. =P

journey home.
__Got up and finally left the place for home. the trip was lonely, but lucky i got my psp. hahas. halfway journey sms my college whether she has cell this coming friday, end up i 'tio the question again. =x i don't know i must answer how many times. hahas. but i just can't say, sorry. =(

present time: 2:05pm, 30/4.
actually this post i only today then post de, just that i started blogging about it that day itself, but was too tired to post. hahas. thats why shows 27/4. lol.
will update tonight again. have to go prepare to go out to meet jun xian to study le. hope i didn't forget my a-math foundation. hahas.
take cares all!

"Though it may seem,"
"i'm telling a lot of stories."
"But i never lied to you. =) "

moving on.

2008-04-27T02:27:00.000+08:00

situation.
i guess i finally realised i'm really thinking too much, things didn't happened the way i expected. Its kinda hard to explain.

its like.. you part of you wants things this way, but then you still know yourself that you're just not ready to venture on, and deeper inside, you know you have to stop. its kinda hard to make the decision to go against yourself.. against what you want.

but i thank God i prayed long and hard, and finally i stopped. i know i might be missing a chance of a lifetime, but... but i'm just not ready. i know i'm not, God knows i'm not. Only can blame on myself why i learned this lesson only now.

"i took the harder route, but it'll be for the greater good."

"Cheer up!" lols.
"Your time will come."
"if not, "
"you'll still be loved,"
"by him up there." =))

Updated my friendster profile. Lots of emo pictures though, but has nothing to do with my mood now. LOL. people i shall be cheerful no matter what. hahas. even if my left arm is going to be handicapped permanently, i will still hold up my smile. hahas. =)) but still i pray its not la. hahas.
Anyways do visit. hahas. i look better when i'm serious. hahas.
http://profiles.friendster.com/keet13thbbcompany

Sorry people, only able upload the "album" section.. tsk. will post again to inform that the photos have been uploaded. =/ oh, joleen chew, the photo that you want might be inside also. hahahas. see first la huh, no promises made. lol.

its late.. 3am. tml got church and i'm the usher.. lol. pray i can wake up at 8 tml. i wear my usher attire very auntie one. hahas. time passes slow sometimes, maybe we just have to find another pocket of love to put in. There are lots of beautiful things are out there, just that you don't see it. =)
Nights People!

Sometimes we don't know.
Actually you already did.
maybe you didn't know.

Donuts! =))

2008-04-26T02:55:00.000+08:00

woot! found another entertaining place for me to eat.. 'Munchy Donuts' at the sembawang CC. xD just only got to know the place 3 days ago only and i'm loving that place already. hahas.

i tell you i eat donuts with style okays.. hahas. not like people eat so fast, a few bite then gone. lol. i treat my donuts like steak okays.. hahas.

Anyways the place is like so nice lo.. the lighting, the room, the colour.. gives this nice cozy feeling to enjoy donuts there.. Everythings nice except the seats. =/ should get those soft soft sofa.. confirm customers will come flying in. hahas. it'll be nice to spend my day there enjoying tea. =)

hmmm. rather tired today. Ate 'Munchy' today the 2nd time with joleen, yee tien and clement. hahas, used to miss those days we had fun together when i'm still in secondary school. lols. Clara Wong! you should join us! you the only one missing! hahas. xP

just finished playing with my brothers "monster hunter 2nd"... already 3am. must kick this bad habit le.. everytime so late sleep.. then some more after playing come here use laptop and blog.. lol. i'm going to get black eyes soon. 12 pieces of donuts still in my stomach digesting.. lol. the last time i had donut feast i had bad bowels. =/ pray that this time i don't.. better drink more water and eat lots of fruits. =P

hmm, nothing much to add on, just that beside me got one whole stack of files.. gosh. more billings to do. =(( oh and its not that i'm slow, its just that someone keep throwing me papers and questions. hahahas. just kidding. its my "honor" to been thrown those papers by someone... hahahahas. anyways start work in the afternoon, cause mom going to bring my grandma over to hospital.. pray that she's going to be okay. =/

okok enough laughing, i need to get some sleep.
i'm becoming more and more aware that i keep talking too freely or too much rubbishy things in my blog la. hahas. i don't know. i'm crazy. =))
Good Nights people!

"i guess becoming crazy is better;"
"than thinking so much after all. "

"At least i do not have to lament."

makansutra. xD (K.R.)

2008-04-24T00:17:00.000+08:00

sorry people!

Was really quiet these fews days..
cause i've been thinking for days over something which i already know the answer to. hahas. silly me. its like you already know what you should do, yet you just stare at it with an empty heart. =/ just hope time really flies fast enough or bury me under lots of work. i just don't wanna think about it anymore. hahas. hope its not too emo'ish for you people? hahas. nvm. i know very little people view this blog anyways. doesn't matter. =P

Yes! at least i got something happy to yell about..
i finally finished EVERY form 32a for clement's and yee tien's Founder's man application.
=)) yeah... i finally no need to pull my hair out anymore.. hahas. a work load lessen, one less worry off my 'list'. =/

Woo! "Kenny Rogers Roasters" is a die-die must try!! instantly fall in-love with the food there! its kinda like western cuisine, share similarities with "Botak Jones". Just that instead of having unlimited fries, you get to pick 2 side dishes of your choice:

Side dishes:
COLD SIDES
Cole Slaw
Kenny Rogers Roasters coleslaw has a sweet and sour flavor with a crisp crunch of fresh cabbage and a hint of onion.

Tomato-Cucumber and Onion Salad
A fresh combination of marinated Italian dressing, tomatoes, green peppers, onions, and cucumbers.

Tri-Color Pasta Salad
Zesty Romano Cheese and Italian dressing added to pasta and crisp, fresh broccoli, peppers, carrots, and onion, make this a cold side favorite

Sour Cream and Dill Pasta Salad
A creamy combination of pasta with broccoli, cucumber, tomatoes, and dill dressing.

HOT SIDES
Mashed Potatoes
Freshly made creamy mashed potatoes served with a rich chicken gravy

Garlic Potatoes
Red new potatoes, cooked in savory garlic butter and parsley seasoning

Herb Italian Green Beans
Fresh green beans served with a combination of lite Italian seasonings.

BBQ Baked Beans
Tender beans simmered in a rich Honey-Bourbon BBQ Sauce.

Peas and Carrots
Sweet peas and carrots steamed to perfection.

Creamy Parmesan Spinach
Cooked spinach served in a savory Parmesan cheese sauce.

Macaroni and Cheese *BEST!* (cheese lovers must try!)
Rich cheddar cheese sauce covered over cork screw macaroni.

Corn Niblets
Tender, juicy corn niblets served in a rich butter sauce.

Butternut Squash
A sweet, baked, country dish of squash and light brown sugar; tastes like a sweet potato pie. Out of this world.

Baked Sweet Potato
A medium sized sweet tender potato baked fresh on premises.

Grilled Vegetables
Zucchini, squash, eggplant, grilled fresh. A healthy choice.

Cornbread Stuffing
A mouth watering stuffing made with freshy chopped celery, carrots and onions.

Chicken Pot Pie
A tasty blend of Kenny Rogers Roasters chicken and vegetables served in a bread boule.

SALADS
All of our salads are made with fresh produce.
We start with a combination of chopped Romaine & Iceberg lettuce, shredded Red Cabbage, and shredded Carrots. We then add additional ingredients to make a specific type of salad.

Caesar Salad
A fresh mix of the above with Julienne of Roasted white meat, home-style croutons, Romano Cheese, and Caesar dressing. Served with one corn muffin.

Roasted Chicken Strip Salad
A generous portion of fresh salad mix with Julienne of Roasted white meat added to the top. Served with a corn muffin. Perfect for a light meal.

Side Salad
A portion of our salad mix served as a side item. Served with a corn muffin.

SOUPS
Our soups are a great way to round out a meal. Always hot, fresh, and full of flavor.

Chicken Noodle Soup,
A classic Chicken Noodle Soup made with Roaster’s chicken.

Soup of the day
An offering that will change on a regular basis.

i brought the "1/4 chicken meal", got a plate of the wing and breast meat portion. i would say their recipe for their chicken is very unique.
the whole layer of the chicken is covered with lots & lots of pepper, glazed with honey and roasted to perfection. =P woo, talking about it makes me hungry again. hahas. this meal comes with 2 side dishes of your choice.
picked Sour Cream and Dill Pasta Salad + Macaroni and Cheese.

Oh i tell you cheese lovers, the "Macaroni and Cheese" was like heaven! its really thick cheesy stuff man! Never tasted such great cheese in my life! hahas. sorry poeple i'm just a cheese-maniac. hahas. =))

As for the other one think i picked wrong. =/ i didn't know can pick soup in the first place... hahas, now is like every meal i want to drink soup lo. never been like this before. hahas. anyways i will recommend you people to pick their salads, delicious. =))

oh its cost me $14.90 btw, however if you compare it to "Hooked!" its much cheaper. =P but sad thing is that there's not much outlets. the one i ate is at 'Great World City', which is the area i'll be at if i'm going BBHQ. woot!
i found another good reason to go down HQ.. muahahas. xD damn happy to know this restuarant lo. hahas. i' going mad. =P too bad there isn't anyone here to share the joy with me. =( its just werid you know, going crazy by yourself. it'll be more fun if everyone has the same crazy mindset. hahahas. x))
tsk-tsk. too bad i haven't found anyone who can go crazy with me. =P

hmm, now left the whole company's missing form 32a and my cell group identity windbreaker to do.. 3 things.. oh plus one more cell group outing coming up also.. this june.. planning pictionary or charades. hehes. =D will be competing with other cell group.. this will be fun! just hope the people there can also click with me.. =(

2:39am, finally switch back my time. =)
last time i can remember i slept at 7am lo. even saw my younger bro leave for school some more. lol. Going off to 'pig' ler!
Nights people!
Kenny Rogers rocks! xD

there's too much things that in my mind.
will i be able to find someone who can understands?

not again.

2008-04-20T22:47:00.000+08:00

wah... sad la. end up still need to do form 32a again. i super wanna explode le. too bad i just don't show. =( went to do a checklist then to my horror to find out clement and yee tien's Founders application which they have already submitted was not complete.. still lack the proper signatures for the "Program badge(1-year-badge)" and 2 other more forms, "senior proficiency badge" & "Nco Star Award"..

craps. felt like a loser straight after enrollment, hais. somemore Founders application already closed, i don't know if i'm able to negotiate with the BBHQ or not. =/

i guess God wants me to learn a lesson about the importance of form 32a. i've never been so worried and freak out in my life la. o-levels was even a breeze compared to all those horros i've been through to get those forms replaced.

Went so low in spirits that i was the last to leave on BB side. i totally didn't feel like eating pizza hut with the officers and primers nor mac with the boys. i just wanted to spend my whole rest of the afternoon blasting my ears with music & thinking about nothing.

purposely missed the only bus outside Christ Church Sec 2 times. the 3rd time have to broad cause the GB was with me also waiting for the bus 901. Didn't want the GB girls to know i was being sad. lol. went to causeway to check the ticket for this coming monday. $6 for students before 6pm. that's cheap. =P

shock of the day: 3:15pm
hahas kena shocked after i got my information from the counter la, a man in a wheelchair asked me to help him up the steps to get into the cinema halls. i was totally like sotong like that. it was my first encount, hahas. willingly i went to help him. i was so damn 'Gong' la, i didn't help him push the wheelchair for him, instead i thought he was going to push it himself over to the steps first. lol.

i have little experience with handicaps, although i'm one myself now because of my arm. hahas. its recovering very slowly. =( but amazingly i didn't have to approach any surgery or twist back my arm or something. =x Anyways, i pushed him over to the foot of the steps, then i stunt there for a moment. i have no idea how am i going to get him up the steps. hahahas. xD plus i'm still having a weak left arm, =/

But thank God one of the personals saw the man, then he brought us round the back towards the storeroom than i can just push the wheel chair up a slope instead.

hahas then the person asked if i was watching the movie with him, told him i was just a passer-by helping him. lol. then i just turned back and left. Luckily i was wearing my cardigan over my BB full uniform, or else i think i would be an icon in the cinema then. hahas. went to take a bus home, but i was still feeling down. So end up sitting in the bus for a loop with a music in my ears. just so wanted to take a break from everything that moment... =(

frustrations of a quiet worker: 5:30pm-6:30pm
Anyways something interesting happened when i was traveling round in the bus. sorry readers but will not disclose the matter to you all. =P all i can tell you people is that, my mood is in a dilemma. I'm still worrying whether i'm going to cause Clement, Yee Tien and Eric not getting their founders cause of those missing form32a. =( Plus i don't know alot of things right now., how is it going to turn out or what. Everything is just so messy right now, i'm losing alot of my confidence already. Simply, i'm not ready. There's just too many stuff that has happened before that makes me fear of the next step i take. i don't know how the future is like for me. maybe i'm already thinking too much..hais..

the only happy/funny thing happened today: 9pm.
Got home to switch my laptop on and msn running, fell asleep instead. hahas. woke up to see the day turned into darkness already. lol. then slacked in front of my laptop till a friend called. hahas. chatted with her then my pal who lives next block came over to print some stuff. wahs, have to entertain 2 people at the same time.

End up i devoted my ears & mouth for my friend through the phone and my eyes and fingers for my pal by Msn, who was just right infront of me. hahas. xD End up i found out he just wanted to print his timetable from his poly website. wah.. i straight away narrow-eyes-screw-loose expression liao. told him he could just save in his laptop and refer from there what.. then my friend also become enthusiastic and started talking also, i said waste my ink then she added 'my a4 paper also'.

Then my pal started complaining about the inconvenience of not printing out while my friend who was on the phone start talking about shortage of trees resulting global warming. wahx.. i instantly faint. i can't even hear who's talking lol. somemore they both amazingly stop at the same time also. hahas. Made my day at least a bit happier. =)

present state: 3:48am.
i'm much more calmed now, thank God that Mr. eugene was not what i thought he would be. he was willing to help me sign the form 32a for the "Senior Proficiency Star". will be meeting him tml.. sad, tml movie was cancelled. was actually interested to watch 'Definitely, maybe'... oh well, might be going to watch "forbidden Kingdom" with my primary school pals instead. xD i so wanna watch it.

Still thinking alot about that issue which happened in the bus.. think i need time myself too. oh wells, we can always still stay as friends. =) i don't see a problem with that? opps, hahas. leak a bit le. nvm. that's all i'm going to say. xP

i'm also still praying that tml call to BBHQ will be a success.. i don't want to cause the 3 staff-sergeants not being able to get their Founders award... i'll rather sacrifice my chance of Presidents award just to let 3 of them have their Founders. =( hais.
Pray, pray, pray!
Good nights people. =))

i really want to ask my heart.
"how do you like someone?"

treatment.

2008-04-18T01:47:00.000+08:00

ello people! didn't post yesterday cause i was freaking out the whole mid-night. =P

i just found out so many loop holes in the forms that i've done, yet still so many missing... i just hope i don't mess up the boy's founders.. =/
For now stable le, waiting for the *big day*, Enrolment service 2008. =x

message:
Gosh.. so many people low in their spirits today.. hmm. just too many to name also. think the best medicine is time and company; give yourself time to cool down and think calmly and try talking to someone you're close with to share your burdens.
Rushing into things might not be the best plan when you're unhappy, take things a step at a time. sometimes you just need a little break from all worries for just a tiny moment and you'll feel a lot better. take your mind off things that worry you! there are so many more beautiful things still waiting for you to discover them. Don't lose faith!
Friends are people we really take them for granted. when at times we don't need them they're always ignored by you, but only when you sad then you'll realise how precious they are. =) remember your friends and value them. you'll be surprised how they make you feel when you find out how much they really love you. =)
Friends! be proactive when you see your friends acting strange! you'll never know they need you as well. =x don't let life's blunders set you back from loving your dear beloved friends!

Cheers!
Dr. Keet, (social Noob'alist)
tel: 9225326x
(LoL.)

Okays.. now about myself... think i just do what i can myself bahx. i offer what i can. =) hehes. hmmm. tml going to sewbawang sec to pass a boy his uniform part, or else he cannot report in full-u this saturday.. plus this saturday is enrollment rehearsal le.. sunday will be actal thing! =x

Dunno whether i'll get promoted or not hahas. i doubt so. =x plus i don't want to get promoted either.. i've not been doing anything to get a promotion. =x opps, hahas. but.. now not the right time. giving me a promotion now will not reward me with anything, cause i haven't been doing anything fantastic either. lol. i don't mind being the only primer who's not promoted. hahas.

Sweet! arm getting better le. i can finally leave it down straight with ease! xD but now i'm having problem with bending it, the bicep still can't meet. =( oh wells, at least i can carry a few things in my left hand now, hahas. yesterday still can feel the ache when i carry stuff. lols.

Now at least i can finally sleep at a correct posture le, hahas. used to sleep with my left arm up, always smelling my armpit every night. hahas! just kidding. =P i'm odorless okays.. no matter how much sweat i drop. xP woo, getting late le. better sleep.. if not i become panda eye'ed next morning. hehes,
nights people. =))

we're all human, we'll forgive you. =)
Cheer ups people! =D

road to recovery. =)

2008-04-16T02:08:00.000+08:00

hmmm. just read through what i read yesterday.. Not to say i was drunk yesterday! i will never wanna drink alcohol okay.. anyways, after reading through i find that..there are so many loop holes. =/

some things written there are not actually exact.. some things are left missing, i just come up to te right point. i guess there's just too any things to say. =/

oh wells, i'm gonna kiss this complaining habit goodbye! cause i feel that it might be better if i didn't think too much. hmmm. must be back to my old blur-blur self! hahas. at least i'll be callous to the bad stuff but hyper to the exciting parts. x)

a BIG SORRY to readers, i didn't mean to worry you all. i'll be more mindful about things i post here. =P (i'm thinking you all might call me crazy saying all these.. but hey, i call it hospitality. xP)

people i'm gonna recover from this sorry me! will avoid getting emo by occupying anything that makes me happy. =P its going to be a tough road.. but hey, no one said its easy. =P must cheer up! be *happy apple* !! lolx.

2.39am now, 11 hours later need to be in sembwang sec to help the boys prepare their anklet. scold me nothing better to do? well its really not a lie anyways. hahas. cause i haven't applied for the private schooling. =x woo, if the army got read blogs i'll be doomed. lol. kena fine because of a evidence used from the internet, hahas. xD

thursday nothing to do.. neither do i wanna stay at home. =/ think might be my first time jio people(jio = ask someone out)... lol. see first la. i also dunno what to do. oh yeah, this year got so many movies i wanna watch.. ironman.. forbidden kingdom... pandamonium.. the bucket list.. and many more that i can't just remember. =x anyone interested? hehes.

hmmm. this upcoming enrolment i think won't be falling into the parade. i can't march with my elbow like this. =/ oh wells. at least i still have it there, hahas. nights people. =)

CORINTHIANS 13:4 "Love is patient, love is kind."
:so i humbly wait, yet for everyone,
i give a heart of gold. =)

Reveal.

2008-04-15T02:05:00.000+08:00

updates!
ello people! 10 days since i last post.. never too late. xP hahas. just had a hair-cut. looks weird but think it'll be okay after a few weeks.. everything is short except my fring, side parted. not going to post any photos cause i think many people will vomit. xD hahas.
pray that you'll see me, or wish you'll rather not. lol

giving thanks.
Yeah! finally 13th company return me the money from the cakes i've been buying for the 3 months birthday babies. $105.40. a total of 3 1kg cakes.
now i can finally account to my elder bro and mom why i keep borrowing from them. but still i cannot keep lending money from them.. pray for a job soon! but i'm also gonna start private school soon, hope i won't get so occupied, or perhaps it'll be for my own good. =/ at least i won't think so much i guess.

YES! YES! YES! i'm am so blessed! just checked the SEAB of MOE, registration for private o'lvls are still not too late. =)) but will be ending soon this may before the mid-year-exams from secondary schools. still can submit but i need to pay extra 50 bucks for late submission. plus each paper is not cheap, another 100 bucks for each piece. i need to get a job!

Finally i start opening the bible! lol. after 3 years of being a christian i'm finally reading it on my own. hahas. hmm. i hope its not a days passion, pray i'll be more and more devoted to really taking up my bible to read. =) must be obedient. hehes.

my life.
i guess finally i'm opening it up to readers after so much procrastinations. hahas. not that i didn't wanna share but, i just dunno where to start. it has always been a topic that makes me.. emotional.
time flies so fast. i have already fallen in love with uncountable girls and date 6 of them. sounds really flirt i know, but i don't think it'll be any better if i explained my innocence.. no one listens. =(
a week ago i chatted with someone i used to know when we were still in primary school.
she was one person i used to liked.. but now its a whole lot different matter. she have her life, i have mine.
she casually asked if i were attached and i said i wasn't. she didn't believed. told her i already had 5 failed relationships. she joked i was a playboy, how much i wanted to explain. =/ when i asked her the same question she told me she had no records. then she told me because she was obedient to her parents. then i finally understood. at that moment i really respected her. a simple obedience that prevented her from falling into a state like mine.
perhaps im really a playboy. perhaps i'm really not as 'chi qing' as i thought. i feel cold inside now. its the same feeling that always happen when i just couldn't cry.

So much things has changed.
Never really took a stand.
Always hopped on so easily into a passing wind,
getting into another envelop of misery.
but with each misery i always find true beauty within,
its just so pure. So, beautiful.
But at the highest peek i fall,
where my faith so brings me,
stumblingly i fall.
Onto the concrete, i face.

I recover with a missing heart.
The pain was never like the physical;
So sharp and impactful.
My pain was more of the opposite;
Slow. Yet it laments in wait.
My mind, always somewhere else.
Things just pass so meaninglessly.

Because of fears,
the truth is always buried,
kept in slumber whisper.
Bottling all sorrows in prayers,
with every sleepless nights.

Soon will the day come,
where distance was becoming too great.
no longer can that mile shorten,
no longer can fulfillments be sustained,
no longer can doves fly in pairs.
New trials surface with each doubt,
pillars fall in wakes of uncertainty.
Many things are a blur as time takes flight.

Questions always clouded my mind,
how often do doves think of the other pair?
which dove will try to mail to the other pair again?
when will doves learn to fly once more?
after much bird-talk i realise,
i'm no better at all.

many things are shared,
many issues are conveyed.
many emotions been spoken,
many feelings left in doubt.

i've already taken the step into freedom, yet i still remain behind, thinking i missed something. your messages was read, but to whom i'll never know. i do not know why i stayed behind, pehaps i still do. but for all possible reasons, i know one is certain. Simply that i still care the same, as always.

A new door appears in the fog. Its unclear in the distant mist, yet the glow still humbly shines. Chances are its another envelop waiting to be revealed, or maybe its just another mirage. i know if i take the step into the woods i'll be away from the clear blue skies. but if i don't i'll never find the flower beds that might be waiting in faith.

now i walk on the border, looking out for that clear skies to see the sunrise and catch the sunset. at the same time, i patiently walk at the border of the woods, anticipating to catch glimpse of the garden that i can walk up to. but i know i'll need to walk as slow as a tortoise, because i know i'll be defenseless if i rush, and i might even trip over if i walked too fast.
Whatever it is, i pray day by day to have patience to take a stroll in everything i do, for nothing has became good when i ran.

lol. type and type till it became so poem like. hahas. woah, 4:20am. and my arm's hurting again. =/ already checked with doctor and he gave me some pills to swallow and a ointment to rub. my elbow is slowly reforming back into its normal shape, however i'm still unable to bend or straighten to its usual potential. =(
oh wells, nights people. =P

Bitter as you might know,
i'm slow as a retard. =x

期待,

2008-04-09T04:06:00.000+08:00

"林俊杰-期待你的爱
曲：林俊杰词：林怡凤许环良
专辑:>电视原声带
My Life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放一份爱
Why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我实实在在
不管帅不帅
想要找回来自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来
期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱
我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始就是放手去爱
想要找回来自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢大声说出来
期待期待你发现我的爱
无所不在我自然而然的关怀
你的存在心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱
我猜你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始就是放手去爱
幸福的开始就是放手去爱
this is how my heart works, just that it'll be harder to find one who'll fill my heart again. =/
"i will wait, for the day."

First dislocation.

2008-04-06T03:05:00.000+08:00

Gosh!... i think this is first experience for this kind of thing.

Went out with my best buds and sis from primary school 3 days back. Usual thing we do is basketball and more basketball... then we would hang out somewhere for a bit longer before we all bala-kampong.

we played at madai tekong park, which is in wodlands around vista'point-causeway'point roadside. there's always a exercise/playground corner in a park, so we hanged around. i don't know why but i always see them so enthusiastic about playgrounds. there's this 6-seater-bike-like merry-go-round, and they would just hop on like kids. hahas. a little too small for them if you ask me. lol.

there were 8 of us, so left me and a friend. however she was taking picture, so i a bit left out. hahas. so i went to play out weird things in the park.

there's this "umbrella" thing that you grab and hang up in the air. the wheel is turnable but a bit tough to spin.

i jumped up and hanged there for a few good seconds. next thing i knewed, my pal joined in. at first was fun, i was already spinning and he ran and leap to grab onto the "umbrella" creating more momentum to the spin. but then he got off and started helping me spin the "umbrella". afterwards he gave enough force to make me fly. however i'm holding it with my hands, not buckle to it.

eventually i lose my grip and flew. by the time i was already going to fall on my back. i know that i'm suppose to land on my bum, however fear made me break half the fall with my left palm instead.

i roll up in pain holding up my left arm. my elbow dunno hurts like what. think i forgotten the level of the pain. hahas. but its was so much that my elbow contracted up like a machine and i didn't even dare to left go of my left fist. told my pal to help push my elbow down immediately. he was a bit in awe that i flew at first, but came over to help. soon after i got my elbow leaned onto my guts, i started to slowly recover from the excitement. Didn't payed any attention to the surroundings, i just kept finding positions for my elbow to ease the pain.

think i sat there for a long time trying to recover. as soon as i got to my feet i realised all my friends were around. was so surprised that they all came over. maybe its because the way i fought to ease the pain. hahas. a close friend of mine sat closes to me, she was the person i used to like in primary school. Was really glad she was still so open with me after 5 whole years.

afterwards i walked over to another side to lie on the see-saw and rest. as soon as i turned my head, i saw history repeating itself. this time my close friend was up there and my pal "playing support".

i shouted as soon as she started lifted off higher and higher. but then all sceams were in vain. she flew flat back on the ground. lucky she was braver than me to fall complete on the back with no hands. she might ended up worse than me if she did what i did. =(

she lay there over for some time. she's okay, just suffering in shock. hahas. its was really a blessing that she didn't hurt herself.
As a friend i will worry.

Just to make things clear-cut and un-gossip'able. i treat her as a close good friend. what was the past is already the past. no use bringing it up anymore. its no use putting me and her together because you and i know its not gonna happen. We're both from really different family background.
i'm saying so much because i really, really hate people gossiping about such things. i admit i'm really defensive but sorry i will always think about the other victims suffering under those gossips. Its really not nice to hear those things, what more from your own friend's mouth!
People its really something you really want to thing about when you talk about such things.
Especially you know yourself what's really going on. jokes are jokes but still
please do have limits. i can always forgive you guys but do you think others will? even if they don't voice out they'll still suffer under those embarrassments gossips create.
to me, gossip are no better than sin.
Please do ponder on this and stop ruining other people lives. =(
Sorry for my preachings. =P

Anyways now my arm not as burden as yesterday, can at least move my shoulder and fingers now. As for my elbow it still remains handicapped and cannot bend to the maximum. Just felt my arm and it awfully feels wrong. My elbow cap feels a bit off. =(

i fear of a dislocation.
i worry for a relocation. xP
hahas. lame me.

woah.. 4:04 am and i still got church later at 9.
really hope i can make it because i really want to pray in the church. i dunno why everything just quietens in the church,
your heart's storms just calms
and rest like a shore.

Perhaps its just me,
perhaps maybe
God wants me to listen
more than i talk.
hahas. x) amen to that.
Good nights people. =)

Biblcal study: Samuel:25

2008-03-31T04:49:00.000+08:00

Samuel chapter 25.
verse: 1-25
David's test of patience
Abegial test of love
Nabal test of gratitude.

Reminders from David's trial towards Nabal.
"be slow to anger, for you cannot do anything right in anger."
"do not take vengence for is no better than evil."

my life.
*best left untold, =x*

nights people. =)

reflection.

2008-03-31T03:19:00.000+08:00

self.
i'm really thinking very low of myself.
Not really as in emo-emo kind la, but..
let me get straight to the point.

i've really been spending too much time away.
Been not schooling for half a year.
also not working either. =P

most of the time i usually do BB 13th Company work to help in anyway i can.
This is a volunteering job people!
Do not misunderstand! =)

Other times i'm out with my primary school friends, those people who took n.a. classes in their secondary school. i'm the ge-kinag one who wan go express. hahas.

Now gonna go take privates with Winson Tan.
the private school which Jun Xian recommend him.
At least i won't be alone. xD
got neighbour so good until neighbour with me to private school lol!

money.
But....
Expenses for that period:
10 x 7 x 4 x 12 = $3360
plus school fees..
(another 4 digit.)
='(

i wanna work, part-time.
makes my life more meaningful. =P
at least i wanna cover my own expenses.
i don't want to use my parents
hard-earned-money.
lock it up in a safe or something,
i feel bad using them.

filial.
my mom and dad really loves me.
mom worries for me day and night,
i'm always not at home. =(
while my dad was able to
subdue his uncontrollable temper
and yet even gave me space.
i misused that space
and slack it away. x((

i'm such a bad son, "repaid evil for good." thats why i'm blogging it here to remind myself. i want to be a good son, to be always be reminded of their love to me and to love them back they way they need it. =)

bible studies.
think it'll be best to track my bible studies here.. Save time plus i'll be able to constantly remind myself. After all, blog is like a diary. xP

Busy after mess.

2008-03-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

Month of march is so packed.
Have to over look fancy drill every
Tues, Wed, and Sat..

On other days i need to settle the form32a
that i accidentally lost. =/

Taken up the "cell grp identity" project,
designing wind-breakers for whole of David cell.

Adventure Quest event is coming up and list of logistic items are piling in.

Reason being that i started to post is because i want to remind myself.
My elder brother just gave warnings yesterday
that i am seriously worrying him.

He finds it pathetic for a 15 pointer to
retake o-levels next year just to get into the
JAE option instead of DAE.

He even mentions that my younger
brother might be more capable than me.

I can see that also.
He really studies whereas
me myself i'm tied down in BB.

Strangely he said look up to me,
respect me...
However i think i fall to deep this time.

But after that talk,
i respect his every words.
Seriously i never thought of him as nagging,
but as a time to share.

I can feel that he really wants me to change.
He had seen people fail and down-out,
but never expected it would be me.

come to think of it,
everything was really very smooth.

I worried for psle, in the end i got more than
expected for mother tongue.
i'm a F standard that time yet i score a B.

O'lvl i worried also, and only did last minute study. Got 15 points.

Application for poly through JAE was really hectic,
after changes & amendments,
i still got into a course that i loved.

till now i'm so jalat,
lagging behind my friends by 2 years.
Late for privates-registraion for o'lvls.
Now need pay extra $50.

hais. Things are not the same.
And i don't want to slack anymore...

Nvm, i believe that God give this trial for me because he wants me to humbly learn my mistake and how to control myself.

After all by then my classmates will be like 2 years younger... i don't feel like dating le.

well.. there's always a perhaps when i carelessly fall in love.. =X
nights people. =P

updates

2008-03-28T02:10:00.000+08:00

Okay! finally after 16 days its time for me to update.
its sure lots of things to write now cause now
there's alot of things happening..
think i'll sort my post by topic bahx.

1. where am i now?
2. my self-reflection.
3. personal "life".

i think its time for me to quit slacking.
i've already slacked enough.
i think i need to remove my fun slot
and really sit down and do things.

i guess the only leisure now i have is

-blogging here
-reading mails and
-going church on Sundays
-cell group meeting, 7:30pm, on Wednesdays.

these four things is already enough leisure about.
as for my own de-stress period...
i think i have never experienced stress before
so i'll be okay. =)

Got appointment "later" at
8:45am, Singapore Poly,
school of info-com' and Technology.
now is like 2:54am le.
think i best go piggy ler.

hais. i just wish there is someone
that can love me the way i do.
Wahx! ignore what i've said please..
its just wishful thinking. =P

Good night everyone! =)
"if i fall, its God who picks me up."

slacks.

2008-03-11T06:55:00.000+08:00

6:56am...
staring at the monitor blindly..
i'm so bored!..

Was going to go gym today but kept raining..
played-safe by shifting the week after this.

had a hack of a slip last sunday..
no cuts but a the most serious bruising i've seen my whole life.
i think i landed on my thigh..
got the imprints of the shape of pant's side pocket. hahas.
looks real nasty, but doesn't hurt. =P

mom just left for vacation with my grandmother yesterday..
now i become laundry-boy for 2 teens and 1 adult. hahas.
they'll be back this Wednesday.
Praying they'll have their fill of fun. :)

So lonely and bored nowadays.
kept thinking about stuff i set myself not to think..
argh. =/ only bad habit is that i just keep
playing games to null my brain from thoughts. lol.

i know i have to learn to see things in a different light.
but its just those moments of folly and you fall back to the ground again.
hais.. nevermind bahx. after sometime things will simmer de.
its not the first time i've been so down either. hahas.

there's only one thing that can get me depressed.
that's my retarded-heart. xP
its just hard to amend once it breaks.
But time heals.

hmm, think i'll stop here.
i hear 'Z' monster calling me ler.
have to clear laundry before 'Z' monster
beats me up left-right-center.
hahas. chal. =)

"just need some time,
some time to resolve my situation."

lost.

2008-03-09T04:04:00.000+08:00

Sad. Couldn't find '小莊 ' anywhere. =/
Sad. still need go BBHQ next week to settle one more boy's uniform. (=_= )
Sad. things are turning out as i had feared. =(

hmmm.. this thursday-sunday going to help out RTC/LDC camp in logistics.. then the last day of camp will be the end of the DAE 6 weeks duration.. confirmation of my application will be on that very day...
its either National Service or Singapore Poly. =/

PS: (choices for my DAE)
1st: Games Design & development
2nd: Creative Media Design
3rd: Marine time engineering
4th: Digital Media

my heart is a little jumbled up now.. =(

Dunno which one i would prefer...
i just want to know where will God put me in his plan.
7 days later, he's plan will be revealed.

hais... =(
" all Hope is lost, "
"so now i pray for Faith,"
"Faith to believe in you."

go take nap le.. 30 mins later need wake up again.. =/
-nap- Z'z'z'z......

"小莊"

2008-03-07T03:39:00.000+08:00

3 of us just played a hack of a basket ball match this late evening, around 9.20 till 11.34pm. xing lin was just watching throughout. =P she had to go home earlier because she kinda had a curfew after work, left 15 mins before us.

was so tired after the match so went to get supper with my pals. stopped by 888 plaza first for some egg-noodles(oh damn nice!) afterwards Danny took cab home. he's like that. =/ Walked back to my block..

victor and i sat around and started asking how was i doing, personally. Well, i couldn't say i'm alright; but i'm better ler. =/ hang around and talked rubbish for quite awhile. hahas. then went on to ESSO petrol station just around my block.

as we were making our way back we just happen to see this average-aged cat. It look kinda skinny for its size plus he looks hungry. =/

so victor started throwing some nuts over to it. Funnily, it came over shyly and ate the peanut on the floor. lol. guess what? i so long never fed an animal ler, so i ran back over to the petrol station's shop to get something proper for him.

Sad. =/ the only tuna there was curry. then in the end i got some those...dried fish strips. For the moment it was okay with it. Begin eating quite a few, but it started to move around us like looking for something.

i guessed it must be thirsty so asked victor to get some milk. soon after it started 'enjoying' its meal. hahas. its was fun and cute to have it around. =) helped him scratched his whole body..

wah i tell you he is sooooo cute! the way he curled and cuddle next to you as you play with him. hahas i so wanna take him in as a pet. But sad la, my house no where to keep pets. =(

We named him '小莊', after the name of the new taiwan show "原來我不帥", because we keep watching too much of the show so named him that. lolx. you can see more info' about the show here:
http://www.原來我不帥.tw/

Afterwards we started playing around the playground just round the area.. lol. i walk where '小莊' follow me. so fun hahas. victor suggested we let '小莊' play the slide. victor bring him to the top, i catch '小莊' at the bottom end of the slide. in the first place i also dunno why i agreed. lol.

First few was really fun. but the last one ar.. '小莊' 'zoom' down. Gosh the velocity was like mad. i down there waiting to catch '小莊' also so scared nia.

Afterwards '小莊' started to clean itself and ignore us ler. feel bad nia. poor little '小莊'. =P

Had alot fun today with '小莊' around.. even victor say i totally changed when i was playing with '小莊'. But its a sad thing i didn't have anything on me to tag '小莊'. i guess maybe after a few more times i'll go get a proper pet collar with the name '小莊' on it for him.
xD hahas.

Really hope to see '小莊' again soon. really happy to have it around! xP
Pray hard i get proper tuna next time! xD hahas

i now have a new believe...
So at least, i know i won't be sad anymore.
"爱人是不求回报" =))

have faith.

2008-03-05T01:01:00.000+08:00

"Just to update everyone"
- i'm a o-lvl(2006) 15 pointer
- i'm not schooling anywhere because i withdraw from my course(2007)
- i'm re-applying by DAE back into Singapore Poly again.
- 2 more weeks would be my result.
And i already excepting my chances in National service. =/

another 2 weeks.. then i can really confirm where i'll end up in.
its just a bad time to make life-time decisions,
i can just end up anywhere 2 weeks later and just break my promise.

but its really been bugging me..
i just don't know what to do. =/
should i simply stay faithful or i just end the wait. faithful in the sense because,
Because i still do.

But really i often get discouraged so easily.
i keep seeing this view that another party is stepping in...
i want to do something about it but,
i can't do anything about it.
plus... i'm already hurting.

kept wondering about this party..
he gave more concerned for her than me,
he's more engaging to her than me to her.
he always constantly stays-by and encourages her when she's down.
he just a perfect angel sent down for her.

i'm just, well.. jealous. =(
i just keep getting paranoid about each message he leaves for her.
he's just so better than me. =/

then.. i just thought.
should i allow them to happen?
perhaps things would turn out better than what i did..
maybe he'll bring her more joy than what i can even give her.
i just feel so depressed thinking about it.
i just tear, quietly everytime.
Deep down i just feel so much in-pain.
like i'm not whole anymore.

but ultimately, if that person is able to do better than me..
i guess i'll let go.

but i know at the end of the day,
my feelings for her stays in my heart.
i guess my love for her is that i just want her to be happy.
i don't care whatever pain i may receive,
if it makes her smile, i'll do anything. =)

alot of people commented that i'm just too 'wei da', too over-good ler.
i'm starting to feel the same too..hahas.
but its just what i believe in. =(
i want her to be happy. =)

i remember those times in secondary school where we
used to share who we liked and crushes that we have. =x
those little secrets that we often bottle up and tell no one
we will force the other to spill..hahas. x)

honestly i never liked the idea that she gets into a relationship by online-gaming. =x
i can still remember that time i saw her so close a guy, i feel so worried.
but at the point of time i never realised i cared for her so much. (._. )
i didn't know i already had feelings for her already. hahas retarded me. =P

hahas. i guess at the end of the day, =_
"Corinthians 13:4" always reminds me:

"Love is patient, love is kind."
"it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
"it is not rude, it keeps no record of wrongs"
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."
"it always protects, always trust, always hopes,"
"always perseveres."

I will persevere, no matter the outcome.
i'm still gonna be me at the end of the day.
always so retarded i guess. hahas. xD
For now, whatever that's gonna happen...
If i fall, i'll just have to pick myself up. =)

a new 'gum' brother.

2008-02-22T04:54:00.000+08:00

Went to BBHQ (Boy's Brigade Headquarters) today with jun xian in the early afternoon.
he's from platoon17 while i'm from platoon 18. =P
initially i was rather uneasy going out with him,
But however i'm glad my perception changed after
we chatted and joked around for a the whole afternoon. =)

i found out that he wasn't much of what i thought he was,
moreover we can even reach to the extend like how yee tian and i communicate. =x
with jokes and going high the healthy way. =)) hahas.

Was rather ashamed of myself for thinking that he was such a person in the first place..
Perhaps maybe i didn't get the chance to talk to him in the beginning.
Well, i just glad made this opportunity for us to communicate and finally understand each other.
i now realise he's a good brother. =)
A Bible Lesson Learned,
That Is To Never Judge.
_________________________________________________
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Met primary school friends, Chang Long, Danny & Xing Lin to catch the new Death-note movie called "L: change the world" at 9:30pm later that night.
*First time watching Death-note movies though*
movie was nice, kinda like 'kindaichi', or in Chinese-terms "jing tian yi",
a Japanese well known investigator/mystery-solver.
most funny part is 'L' tried for the first time to straighten his back..hahas. x)

the 2 hour+ show dragged us till midnight, so we decided to go for supper at 888 plaza.
then we made our way to 'Fushan Gardens' to hang out and chat about past times and also asked where all our old friends end up.
how much they changed.. where they studying..
just trying to remember and share about them.

i do miss some of them.. and sadly its very sad to hear alot of my friends are not doing well as expected. =/
Seriously i am not as well.
i'm trying to reapply into a polytechnic,
because i withdrew from my current course(DDM).

to cut long story short,
i reformat my laptop a total of 7 times.
plus i don't want to continue failing my assignments and test,
so i decided to start fresh again.

JAE(JOINT ADMISSION EXERCISE) results were already posted a few days ago.
But i'm doing by DAE(DIRECT ADMISSION EXERCISE) and still need wait another 3 more weeks. (=_= )
Worse case scenario is that i don't get any seats and then i can go fulfill my National Service already. =/

so tired now. better go sleep for tml's event at sembawang sec.

chal.

Re-Open.

2008-02-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

woot. finally got my blog up and running..
had lots of crisis before i can get this up and running but..
nvm, not important now. =)
link me!
http://forever-retard.blogspot.com :)

cheers!

message.

2008-02-04T20:23:00.000+08:00

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would.
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday .
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

The Calling: Wherever you will go.

It was for you, only you.

secret.

2008-02-04T19:29:00.000+08:00

The dawn is breaking..
A light shining through.
You’re barely waking,
And I’m tangled up in you.
Yeah…

I’m open, you're closed.
Where I follow, you’ll go.
I worry I won't see your face..
Light up again.
Even the best fall down sometime,
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find;
You and I
Collide.

I’m quiet, you know.
You make a first impression.

But I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind.

Even the best fall down sometime
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find;
You and I
Collide.

Don’t stop here....
I lost my place...
I’m close behind.

Well Even the best fall down sometime...
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme..
Out of the doubt that fills your mind.
You finally find you and I collide.

Finally find you and I collide.
You finally find you and I collide.
(Howie Day- Collide)