Biblcal study: Samuel:25

Samuel chapter 25.
verse: 1-25
David's test of patience
Abegial test of love
Nabal test of gratitude.

Reminders from David's trial towards Nabal.
"be slow to anger, for you cannot do anything right in anger."
"do not take vengence for is no better than evil."

my life.
*best left untold, =x*

nights people. =)

reflection.

self.
i'm really thinking very low of myself.
Not really as in emo-emo kind la, but..
let me get straight to the point.

i've really been spending too much time away.
Been not schooling for half a year.
also not working either. =P

most of the time i usually do BB 13th Company work to help in anyway i can.
This is a volunteering job people!
Do not misunderstand! =)

Other times i'm out with my primary school friends, those people who took n.a. classes in their secondary school. i'm the ge-kinag one who wan go express. hahas.

Now gonna go take privates with Winson Tan.
the private school which Jun Xian recommend him.
At least i won't be alone. xD
got neighbour so good until neighbour with me to private school lol!

money.
But....
Expenses for that period:
10 x 7 x 4 x 12 = $3360
plus school fees..
(another 4 digit.)
='(

i wanna work, part-time.
makes my life more meaningful. =P
at least i wanna cover my own expenses.
i don't want to use my parents
hard-earned-money.
lock it up in a safe or something,
i feel bad using them.

filial.
my mom and dad really loves me.
mom worries for me day and night,
i'm always not at home. =(
while my dad was able to
subdue his uncontrollable temper
and yet even gave me space.
i misused that space
and slack it away. x((

i'm such a bad son, "repaid evil for good." thats why i'm blogging it here to remind myself. i want to be a good son, to be always be reminded of their love to me and to love them back they way they need it. =)

bible studies.
think it'll be best to track my bible studies here.. Save time plus i'll be able to constantly remind myself. After all, blog is like a diary. xP

Busy after mess.

Month of march is so packed.
Have to over look fancy drill every
Tues, Wed, and Sat..

On other days i need to settle the form32a
that i accidentally lost. =/

Taken up the "cell grp identity" project,
designing wind-breakers for whole of David cell.

Adventure Quest event is coming up and list of logistic items are piling in.

Reason being that i started to post is because i want to remind myself.
My elder brother just gave warnings yesterday
that i am seriously worrying him.

He finds it pathetic for a 15 pointer to
retake o-levels next year just to get into the
JAE option instead of DAE.

He even mentions that my younger
brother might be more capable than me.

I can see that also.
He really studies whereas
me myself i'm tied down in BB.

Strangely he said look up to me,
respect me...
However i think i fall to deep this time.

But after that talk,
i respect his every words.
Seriously i never thought of him as nagging,
but as a time to share.

I can feel that he really wants me to change.
He had seen people fail and down-out,
but never expected it would be me.

come to think of it,
everything was really very smooth.

I worried for psle, in the end i got more than
expected for mother tongue.
i'm a F standard that time yet i score a B.

O'lvl i worried also, and only did last minute study. Got 15 points.

Application for poly through JAE was really hectic,
after changes & amendments,
i still got into a course that i loved.

till now i'm so jalat,
lagging behind my friends by 2 years.
Late for privates-registraion for o'lvls.
Now need pay extra $50.

hais. Things are not the same.
And i don't want to slack anymore...

Nvm, i believe that God give this trial for me because he wants me to humbly learn my mistake and how to control myself.

After all by then my classmates will be like 2 years younger... i don't feel like dating le.

well.. there's always a perhaps when i carelessly fall in love.. =X
nights people. =P

*updates*

Okay! finally after 16 days its time for me to update.
its sure lots of things to write now cause now
there's alot of things happening..
think i'll sort my post by topic bahx.

1. where am i now?
2. my self-reflection.
3. personal "life".

i think its time for me to quit slacking.
i've already slacked enough.
i think i need to remove my fun slot
and really sit down and do things.

i guess the only leisure now i have is

-blogging here
-reading mails and
-going church on Sundays
-cell group meeting, 7:30pm, on Wednesdays.

these four things is already enough leisure about.
as for my own de-stress period...
i think i have never experienced stress before
so i'll be okay. =)

Got appointment "later" at
8:45am, Singapore Poly,
school of info-com' and Technology.
now is like 2:54am le.
think i best go piggy ler.

hais. i just wish there is someone
that can love me the way i do.
Wahx! ignore what i've said please..
its just wishful thinking. =P

Good night everyone! =)
"if i fall, its God who picks me up."

slacks.

6:56am...
staring at the monitor blindly..
i'm so bored!..

Was going to go gym today but kept raining..
played-safe by shifting the week after this.

had a hack of a slip last sunday..
no cuts but a the most serious bruising i've seen my whole life.
i think i landed on my thigh..
got the imprints of the shape of pant's side pocket. hahas.
looks real nasty, but doesn't hurt. =P

mom just left for vacation with my grandmother yesterday..
now i become laundry-boy for 2 teens and 1 adult. hahas.
they'll be back this Wednesday.
Praying they'll have their fill of fun. :)

So lonely and bored nowadays.
kept thinking about stuff i set myself not to think..
argh. =/ only bad habit is that i just keep
playing games to null my brain from thoughts. lol.

i know i have to learn to see things in a different light.
but its just those moments of folly and you fall back to the ground again.
hais.. nevermind bahx. after sometime things will simmer de.
its not the first time i've been so down either. hahas.

there's only one thing that can get me depressed.
that's my retarded-heart. xP
its just hard to amend once it breaks.
But time heals.

hmm, think i'll stop here.
i hear 'Z' monster calling me ler.
have to clear laundry before 'Z' monster
beats me up left-right-center.
hahas. chal. =)



"just need some time,
some time to resolve my situation."

lost.

Sad. Couldn't find '小莊 ' anywhere. =/
Sad. still need go BBHQ next week to settle one more boy's uniform. (=_= )
Sad. things are turning out as i had feared. =(

hmmm.. this thursday-sunday going to help out RTC/LDC camp in logistics.. then the last day of camp will be the end of the DAE 6 weeks duration.. confirmation of my application will be on that very day...
its either National Service or Singapore Poly. =/

PS: (choices for my DAE)
1st: Games Design & development
2nd: Creative Media Design
3rd: Marine time engineering
4th: Digital Media

my heart is a little jumbled up now.. =(

Dunno which one i would prefer...
i just want to know where will God put me in his plan.
7 days later, he's plan will be revealed.



hais... =(
" all Hope is lost, "
"so now i pray for Faith,"
"Faith to believe in you."

go take nap le.. 30 mins later need wake up again.. =/
-nap- Z'z'z'z......

"小莊"

3 of us just played a hack of a basket ball match this late evening, around 9.20 till 11.34pm. xing lin was just watching throughout. =P she had to go home earlier because she kinda had a curfew after work, left 15 mins before us.

was so tired after the match so went to get supper with my pals. stopped by 888 plaza first for some egg-noodles(oh damn nice!) afterwards Danny took cab home. he's like that. =/ Walked back to my block..

victor and i sat around and started asking how was i doing, personally. Well, i couldn't say i'm alright; but i'm better ler. =/ hang around and talked rubbish for quite awhile. hahas. then went on to ESSO petrol station just around my block.

as we were making our way back we just happen to see this average-aged cat. It look kinda skinny for its size plus he looks hungry. =/

so victor started throwing some nuts over to it. Funnily, it came over shyly and ate the peanut on the floor. lol. guess what? i so long never fed an animal ler, so i ran back over to the petrol station's shop to get something proper for him.

Sad. =/ the only tuna there was curry. then in the end i got some those...dried fish strips. For the moment it was okay with it. Begin eating quite a few, but it started to move around us like looking for something.

i guessed it must be thirsty so asked victor to get some milk. soon after it started 'enjoying' its meal. hahas. its was fun and cute to have it around. =) helped him scratched his whole body..

wah i tell you he is sooooo cute! the way he curled and cuddle next to you as you play with him. hahas i so wanna take him in as a pet. But sad la, my house no where to keep pets. =(

We named him '小莊', after the name of the new taiwan show "原來我不帥", because we keep watching too much of the show so named him that. lolx. you can see more info' about the show here:
http://www.原來我不帥.tw/

Afterwards we started playing around the playground just round the area.. lol. i walk where '小莊' follow me. so fun hahas. victor suggested we let '小莊' play the slide. victor bring him to the top, i catch '小莊' at the bottom end of the slide. in the first place i also dunno why i agreed. lol.

First few was really fun. but the last one ar.. '小莊' 'zoom' down. Gosh the velocity was like mad. i down there waiting to catch '小莊' also so scared nia.

Afterwards '小莊' started to clean itself and ignore us ler. feel bad nia. poor little '小莊'. =P

Had alot fun today with '小莊' around.. even victor say i totally changed when i was playing with '小莊'. But its a sad thing i didn't have anything on me to tag '小莊'. i guess maybe after a few more times i'll go get a proper pet collar with the name '小莊' on it for him.
xD hahas.

Really hope to see '小莊' again soon. really happy to have it around! xP
Pray hard i get proper tuna next time! xD hahas

i now have a new believe...
So at least, i know i won't be sad anymore.
"爱人是不求回报" =))

have faith.

"Just to update everyone"
- i'm a o-lvl(2006) 15 pointer
- i'm not schooling anywhere because i withdraw from my course(2007)
- i'm re-applying by DAE back into Singapore Poly again.
- 2 more weeks would be my result.
And i already excepting my chances in National service. =/

another 2 weeks.. then i can really confirm where i'll end up in.
its just a bad time to make life-time decisions,
i can just end up anywhere 2 weeks later and just break my promise.

but its really been bugging me..
i just don't know what to do. =/
should i simply stay faithful or i just end the wait. faithful in the sense because,
Because i still do.

But really i often get discouraged so easily.
i keep seeing this view that another party is stepping in...
i want to do something about it but,
i can't do anything about it.
plus... i'm already hurting.

kept wondering about this party..
he gave more concerned for her than me,
he's more engaging to her than me to her.
he always constantly stays-by and encourages her when she's down.
he just a perfect angel sent down for her.

i'm just, well.. jealous. =(
i just keep getting paranoid about each message he leaves for her.
he's just so better than me. =/

then.. i just thought.
should i allow them to happen?
perhaps things would turn out better than what i did..
maybe he'll bring her more joy than what i can even give her.
i just feel so depressed thinking about it.
i just tear, quietly everytime.
Deep down i just feel so much in-pain.
like i'm not whole anymore.

but ultimately, if that person is able to do better than me..
i guess i'll let go.

but i know at the end of the day,
my feelings for her stays in my heart.
i guess my love for her is that i just want her to be happy.
i don't care whatever pain i may receive,
if it makes her smile, i'll do anything. =)

alot of people commented that i'm just too 'wei da', too over-good ler.
i'm starting to feel the same too..hahas.
but its just what i believe in. =(
i want her to be happy. =)

i remember those times in secondary school where we
used to share who we liked and crushes that we have. =x
those little secrets that we often bottle up and tell no one
we will force the other to spill..hahas. x)

honestly i never liked the idea that she gets into a relationship by online-gaming. =x
i can still remember that time i saw her so close a guy, i feel so worried.
but at the point of time i never realised i cared for her so much. (._. )
i didn't know i already had feelings for her already. hahas retarded me. =P


hahas. i guess at the end of the day, =_
"Corinthians 13:4" always reminds me:

"Love is patient, love is kind."
"it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
"it is not rude, it keeps no record of wrongs"
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."
"it always protects, always trust, always hopes,"
"always perseveres."

I will persevere, no matter the outcome.
i'm still gonna be me at the end of the day.
always so retarded i guess. hahas. xD
For now, whatever that's gonna happen...
If i fall, i'll just have to pick myself up. =)