have faith.

"Just to update everyone"
- i'm a o-lvl(2006) 15 pointer
- i'm not schooling anywhere because i withdraw from my course(2007)
- i'm re-applying by DAE back into Singapore Poly again.
- 2 more weeks would be my result.
And i already excepting my chances in National service. =/

another 2 weeks.. then i can really confirm where i'll end up in.
its just a bad time to make life-time decisions,
i can just end up anywhere 2 weeks later and just break my promise.

but its really been bugging me..
i just don't know what to do. =/
should i simply stay faithful or i just end the wait. faithful in the sense because,
Because i still do.

But really i often get discouraged so easily.
i keep seeing this view that another party is stepping in...
i want to do something about it but,
i can't do anything about it.
plus... i'm already hurting.

kept wondering about this party..
he gave more concerned for her than me,
he's more engaging to her than me to her.
he always constantly stays-by and encourages her when she's down.
he just a perfect angel sent down for her.

i'm just, well.. jealous. =(
i just keep getting paranoid about each message he leaves for her.
he's just so better than me. =/

then.. i just thought.
should i allow them to happen?
perhaps things would turn out better than what i did..
maybe he'll bring her more joy than what i can even give her.
i just feel so depressed thinking about it.
i just tear, quietly everytime.
Deep down i just feel so much in-pain.
like i'm not whole anymore.

but ultimately, if that person is able to do better than me..
i guess i'll let go.

but i know at the end of the day,
my feelings for her stays in my heart.
i guess my love for her is that i just want her to be happy.
i don't care whatever pain i may receive,
if it makes her smile, i'll do anything. =)

alot of people commented that i'm just too 'wei da', too over-good ler.
i'm starting to feel the same too..hahas.
but its just what i believe in. =(
i want her to be happy. =)

i remember those times in secondary school where we
used to share who we liked and crushes that we have. =x
those little secrets that we often bottle up and tell no one
we will force the other to spill..hahas. x)

honestly i never liked the idea that she gets into a relationship by online-gaming. =x
i can still remember that time i saw her so close a guy, i feel so worried.
but at the point of time i never realised i cared for her so much. (._. )
i didn't know i already had feelings for her already. hahas retarded me. =P


hahas. i guess at the end of the day, =_
"Corinthians 13:4" always reminds me:

"Love is patient, love is kind."
"it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
"it is not rude, it keeps no record of wrongs"
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."
"it always protects, always trust, always hopes,"
"always perseveres."

I will persevere, no matter the outcome.
i'm still gonna be me at the end of the day.
always so retarded i guess. hahas. xD
For now, whatever that's gonna happen...
If i fall, i'll just have to pick myself up. =)