Reveal.

updates!
ello people! 10 days since i last post.. never too late. xP hahas. just had a hair-cut. looks weird but think it'll be okay after a few weeks.. everything is short except my fring, side parted. not going to post any photos cause i think many people will vomit. xD hahas.
pray that you'll see me, or wish you'll rather not. lol


giving thanks.
Yeah! finally 13th company return me the money from the cakes i've been buying for the 3 months birthday babies. $105.40. a total of 3 1kg cakes.
now i can finally account to my elder bro and mom why i keep borrowing from them. but still i cannot keep lending money from them.. pray for a job soon! but i'm also gonna start private school soon, hope i won't get so occupied, or perhaps it'll be for my own good. =/ at least i won't think so much i guess.

YES! YES! YES! i'm am so blessed! just checked the SEAB of MOE, registration for private o'lvls are still not too late. =)) but will be ending soon this may before the mid-year-exams from secondary schools. still can submit but i need to pay extra 50 bucks for late submission. plus each paper is not cheap, another 100 bucks for each piece. i need to get a job!

Finally i start opening the bible! lol. after 3 years of being a christian i'm finally reading it on my own. hahas. hmm. i hope its not a days passion, pray i'll be more and more devoted to really taking up my bible to read. =) must be obedient. hehes.


my life.
i guess finally i'm opening it up to readers after so much procrastinations. hahas. not that i didn't wanna share but, i just dunno where to start. it has always been a topic that makes me.. emotional.
time flies so fast. i have already fallen in love with uncountable girls and date 6 of them. sounds really flirt i know, but i don't think it'll be any better if i explained my innocence.. no one listens. =(
a week ago i chatted with someone i used to know when we were still in primary school.
she was one person i used to liked.. but now its a whole lot different matter. she have her life, i have mine.
she casually asked if i were attached and i said i wasn't. she didn't believed. told her i already had 5 failed relationships. she joked i was a playboy, how much i wanted to explain. =/ when i asked her the same question she told me she had no records. then she told me because she was obedient to her parents. then i finally understood. at that moment i really respected her. a simple obedience that prevented her from falling into a state like mine.
perhaps im really a playboy. perhaps i'm really not as 'chi qing' as i thought. i feel cold inside now. its the same feeling that always happen when i just couldn't cry.

So much things has changed.
Never really took a stand.
Always hopped on so easily into a passing wind,
getting into another envelop of misery.
but with each misery i always find true beauty within,
its just so pure. So, beautiful.
But at the highest peek i fall,
where my faith so brings me,
stumblingly i fall.
Onto the concrete, i face.

I recover with a missing heart.
The pain was never like the physical;
So sharp and impactful.
My pain was more of the opposite;
Slow. Yet it laments in wait.
My mind, always somewhere else.
Things just pass so meaninglessly.

Because of fears,
the truth is always buried,
kept in slumber whisper.
Bottling all sorrows in prayers,
with every sleepless nights.

Soon will the day come,
where distance was becoming too great.
no longer can that mile shorten,
no longer can fulfillments be sustained,
no longer can doves fly in pairs.
New trials surface with each doubt,
pillars fall in wakes of uncertainty.
Many things are a blur as time takes flight.

Questions always clouded my mind,
how often do doves think of the other pair?
which dove will try to mail to the other pair again?
when will doves learn to fly once more?
after much bird-talk i realise,
i'm no better at all.

many things are shared,
many issues are conveyed.
many emotions been spoken,
many feelings left in doubt.

i've already taken the step into freedom, yet i still remain behind, thinking i missed something. your messages was read, but to whom i'll never know. i do not know why i stayed behind, pehaps i still do. but for all possible reasons, i know one is certain. Simply that i still care the same, as always.

A new door appears in the fog. Its unclear in the distant mist, yet the glow still humbly shines. Chances are its another envelop waiting to be revealed, or maybe its just another mirage. i know if i take the step into the woods i'll be away from the clear blue skies. but if i don't i'll never find the flower beds that might be waiting in faith.

now i walk on the border, looking out for that clear skies to see the sunrise and catch the sunset. at the same time, i patiently walk at the border of the woods, anticipating to catch glimpse of the garden that i can walk up to. but i know i'll need to walk as slow as a tortoise, because i know i'll be defenseless if i rush, and i might even trip over if i walked too fast.
Whatever it is, i pray day by day to have patience to take a stroll in everything i do, for nothing has became good when i ran.

lol. type and type till it became so poem like. hahas. woah, 4:20am. and my arm's hurting again. =/ already checked with doctor and he gave me some pills to swallow and a ointment to rub. my elbow is slowly reforming back into its normal shape, however i'm still unable to bend or straighten to its usual potential. =(
oh wells, nights people. =P

Bitter as you might know,
i'm slow as a retard. =x