I want things the way it was used to be.

It is just so, so heavy to hold those mask of smiles.
I feel so broken. When can i get well again?

she said i have that desire to dwell in sorrows and now i'm finding it true.
I must find back the old me, the older me which never keeps the tears but counts the blessings. This is the message i need to hold n close now.

you're the only one who can read this now, and there's so much to tell but i am just not matching up to you anymore, i find it so hard to be like we used to. Something did happened recently and it changed my life forever.

Right now, i am weakening, in spirit. i feel as though i can lose the older me anytime, soon. Sometimes i get nights when i feel utterly vunerable, I slipped in deep thoughts and become comepletly unstable, confused, heartbroken, for hours through the night.

My will is much stronger now, but i feel the tension with my emotions lying on a thin, gold thread; i don't know when i'm going to break.

Once you told me that i meant almost as if nothing to you, all except a math study buddy and teacher. Now i wonder if it is still the same but i fear the answers, and i fear slipping again more.

It is not about infactuation, love or what not; it has already become more than those. once you told me you'll be the lit candle on the other side of the tunnel, but every reaction or inaction i get makes the tunnel seemed longer.

Was all those memories for naught? Why do i remember them? Why do i question them? countless things i wanted to know, but when the opportunity comes i couldn't say a word. I'm speechless.

If i write another sentence i know i will slip again. I wish to, but i can't tell you to treat me like those you cared equally.. because i was always there for you and i understand how you would feel. Obligations is not a thing i want. I want what you want, whatever that makes you happy, but i see history repeating itself, and it horrfies me.

I don't know what to expect from reading this, but all i wish it can be just another post you would forget, and we still live our lives the way we used to.

Perhaps things might change, perhaps things will get better.
The last thing i would want is you to get affected as well because i know best how easily you could be by everything around you.

Perhaps that's the reason why i always keep things from you, why i can never open my heart to you. Lets just leave these ramblings as it is,
another page just left to be forgottened.

Bundle of thoughts that never came to light.

purpose. 5th Jan 2011; 8.29am.
It's been a very long time since i last posted, well let's cut to the chase shall we?
Firstly i came here to blog instead of leaving messages in my FB account is because i wanna avoid having too much attention as FB really helps broadcast your messages too fast sometimes. hahas. Plus i feel more comfortable writing my thoughts here, it gives me more time to process what's on my mind and it's a place where people read & understand your feelings. I'm not that focused in wanting attention either, just somewhere to leave my thoughts be.

the mind. 8.38am.
Recently i came to realise (as much as i want to maybe not admit) perhaps maybe i'm just too quiet and i think too much for my own good.. When it comes to the girl i'm interested in, i always tend to read too much hints or rather, i put all of the hints into consideration. I stay too focused on the details and kept deriving with all kinds of possibilities of what's she's thinking and why.

I was too preoccupied on reading on every hints take she make, and as well as those she may not. Often i feel that most of them are just plain delusions, bringing myself into a situation where i put fort too many theories into the issue where only one can be true.. I'm often confused and at the end i couldn't choose.

plain english?
hahas okok enough of literature; i'm just practically confused right now, i keep trying to read her but i can just never find where i stand in her heart. There was a few times i could clearly see where i stand whenever we come to that topic randomly; i saw myself as a buddy. But passively, when i'm with her i feel that we could be more. sighs, i know it's cheating to be able to read minds telepathically, but for once i just want to see where i stand in your heart. :)

confession in the midst of confusion; 9.02am.
The girl i'm writing this too may never get the chance to read my blog, or maybe i changed my feelings towards someone else instead again, realy i wouldn't know. It's a big risk, creating future irritation in my relationship life; but for now i want to say it for you.

I don't know, seen as a flirt most of the times because of my long long history of relationships, but they always forget the details that it was all short-lived, that maybe because i was too soft, and maybe i never knew what was wrong between the relationships i had, and that i was always looking for love in all the wrong places, and that i couldn't find someone who truely feels the same. But anyway, back to my thoughts for her.

Many a times i try to fit into your life, gave everything i could to you, always trying to be part of your life. Without notice, i soon realise that i always set high hopes that maybe you'll see my efforts shine and read my hints instead.. inevitably fall from each disappointment that uou miss the hints and get hurt each time. My heart has always been brittle, ever since i couldn't find someone to settle down with.

As much as i want to be able to hold that responsibility, i know your life is as difficult, and that i maybe more privileged than you.. But this makes me all the more motivated to be by your side, offering all my time for you whenever you need. Just count the number of times i said no to your requests and you'll understand. :)

But it's just so sad to me sometimes, i feel that i was born too early for you, i feel that i am too old for you, that we could never become a item at all. The more i think about it, the more i realise so much incompatibility you might feel towards me..

But i guess our thoughts would hardly have the chance to come into the same idea. Her life now is getting complicated by the minute, and i am patiently waiting for a time to fill your painful gap and love you in my own special way.. But I'm always very afraid that i may miss or even never have the opportunity at all.

I will never know if one day you might come to understand how i feel about you, i can only pray because i'm too much a coward to confront and confess to you.. And further more i keep seeing a brittle side of you; like a little angel with broken wings, you felt too precious that i did not want to stress you any further in your troubled life.

I feel so discouraged and hurt that i couldn't let you understand how i feel about you now, and i don't know what to expect in return from you as well.. In simple terms i just want to have someone that i could tell my love for and she would feel the same..

My heart is in a mess, and maybe it's not that far like yours too. hahas.
But i think i'm in a confused state now because i don't understand where i stand in your heart.. i read every detail you make and try too much into figuring out myself the answer, never able to come into a solid conclusion of your feelings towards me.

It's like a mystery that i couldn't solve. I just wish that you could just tell me straight when i ask you directly, but i keep fearing of you thinking i am weird again, eventually avoiding and receiving the silent treatment again..

to make you feel my love, 10.11am.
All i ask is a simple girl that i could make her feel my heart with,
to share that bond that i always hoped for and would never abandon.
She'll always be on my mind, and she's that girl i want
to spend my precious time with every time.
She's a girl that i'd say mussy stuff & tease her,
just to catch a glimpse of her sweet smile and hear her cute giggle.. :)
She's also someone I'd always say words to her, to make her feel so special,
always letting her know how important she is to me in my life.
She's one that i would never let go no matter what happens,
and it's one relationship i'd never, never end.
But still, never stop trying to make you feel happy is all i hoped for..
"so, would you be that special girl? "
It's an answer that i'd never know.

Just direct me.(old post)

Just tell me what to do & i'll do anything, if it's for you.
Because i've always believed in you even if it's just a bluff or a prank;
because i never want to stop believing in you.
I trust you, i always do, you know that,
and so much more i have for you..
I want to uphold my words,
to bring you to places where i told you i would, to make you happy. :)
I will keep trying, even if the next 3 years would to prove fruitless, i will wait for you.

The Change.

"Did i lose it all?
or was there even anything to lose in the first place?

I am so disheartened.. i just can't keep the negative thoughts out. I know all the more you would feel more disappointed at me for feeling so, but it's really just me. you once told me that you don't like to change because it's just who you are. I am but trying to change, it's not easy. Many a times i would feel so lonely, i always hoped to find glimpse of joy in my life from you, even if it's the smallest of things, that would put a smile right up. Nothing else could bring me up any higher than the little things you do, even if i wasn't in the picture.

Why. Why has Language need to be that barrier that makes me feel so out casted? Why couldn't i just not feel anything and submit totally to you? Why must i think so much? Why didn't i try even harder to understand your thoughts? Why did i even misinterpret your intentions? Why Did i Even Not Stop Myself From Sending you That Last Text That Night?

Why. Why did i ever put that word in my last text.
I did intended to use an alternative.
Why am i taking everything so seriously?
Because i was always serious about you.
Why Didn't i send you the draft sms i made last night to you today?
Because i didn't dare, everything just feels like it's crumbling apart.
Why did things always fall apart?
maybe it's just because i think too much which resulted me to often misleading myself and misinterpreting stuff....
Why, Why aren't you even crying now?
Because i'm hurt so much, hurt so much that i lose my soul to even cry for myself.
Why are you posting this? Don't you know it'll only make matters worse?
It's simply because i wanted you to know, but you know i would forget."
All those thoughts went away when i saw your text reply a minute ago.
Don't you see the impact you have in me? I was able to cast them away just because i got to know you still chose to reply me. You're that source that drives me, that fuel's my soul, had always been since the first time i liked you.

Up until now i've never changed my stand, it has always been the same since it first began; 3 years is a long year. You told me that what if you don't accept me even after graduation, you hinted me that the future is unpredictable, and it could mean it would happen so. But i chose to motivate myself and remain firm on my stand to not let the chance pass, even if it's just a needle in the ocean. I want to try, even if it's a no for an answer since the very beginning, i want to try.. to get back to those close moments which i never forget.

I want to do all those things i've said that i would do for you, i want to serenade to you once more and even more professional before.. i want to realise that i can Love you and break open those shackles within me that binds me down by all the failures i ever had. I want A relationship that never breaks, one that lasts long and never ends. I want to love you all my life, happilly and tenderly, romantically if i ever had to be.

But more importantly, i want you to be happy, that's my first and forever will be first priority to acheive it for you.. Even if it means that we would never to be together, if that's what's happiness is to you i would freely give it to you, i would willingly give you anything, you know that don't you?

Don't you know that I even believed though i already knew it's a lie, i would genuinely to put my trust in you, because i never want to stop believing in you as i let my heart decide than my mind to judge you, because i never want to do that to you. Even if it's bluffs or pranks, i would believe in you, always.

MI TRANSCENDENCE. :D + thoughts.

ok. here to post because someone just told me to
cause she won't sleep until i post something for her to read about yesterday.
lol. here goes. :I

*lets start with the good stuff first bah. :D

21st may, MI TRANSCENDENCE. time now: 1.07am
YES. that day was a big day for
the Flaming Rambutans as they played their piece.
Us performing "Don't stop Believing" by Journey on Centre Stage,
seats filled with friends and families who came down to our school
to watch MI Transcendence2010 in Millenna institute in the evening.

crew:
Claudia was our main singer, Terry as the melody pianist,
Randon as main guitarist and lastly me as the bass.

behind the curtains.
To realise the excitement that we're going to perform on stage, in front of a full house centre stage filled with people just made us all the more nervous. all of us were chewing on sweets just to claim ourselves for our act next as we hid behind the curtains watching as Sara who was performing before us came to a close end of her piece on piano.

Claudia, Randon & i were all so anxious about our turn; we were all ready with our guitar stripped on our shoulders with the sound cable dangling, waiting to be plugged in for our play. terry was on the other side of the stage hidding behind the curtains too, waiting for Sara to exit so we could all come in and quick set up our guitars and begin our play.

Not long after, we had the sounds of the audience's applause, which marks the end of Sara's piece, alerting us its our turn now and also reminding us of how huge the crowd is that we were going to perform to next. all of us readied ourselves and went in from the sides, personally i didn't dared to look at the audience and just hurried to set up our instruments.

position.
I was taking the bass guitar piece, in which i was pretty worried i'll mess it up again during the play because i know i did during rehearsals and that i couldn't perfect it yet. My amplifier was right at the centre back so i was positioned right at the centre of the stage to perform, which means i had my own spotlight right next to Claudia's. I don't know just how many people were watching me at the point of time. lol. so i kept my head low and didn't dared to take a peep at the audience.

Music began, i could hear Randon's pluck counts coming in, which means 2 more cycles who be Claudia and my entrance to play, i looked left and right for the band's composure and steadied myself for the last time, to hit the right time for my entrance. First note cycle played through, unknowingly i glanced up to see the audience for the first time in this dark hall.

It was one of the most beautiful sight i could never expect to see.
Seats all filled on each succeeding rows of the pitch black hall, each one holding up colourful glowing sticks in their hand, all waving back to us as we played our intro. i've never got the chance to perform and see for myself hundreds of "illuminated", excited audience cheering back at us. It was as if we were watching and playing for fireflies in the cooling night hall, only that the voices from the audience kept pulling me back to reality that we're still performing. :p

As Claudia entered with her voice into the play, we could all hear in the background cheers coming from the audience going mad and people behind the curtain supporting us. And as we all played on, the sense of nervousness began to diminish as we start to remember why we love to play music, that joy that we almost forgot when we were all so clouded by our anxiety.

This was thrill to perform, and i'm sure we would never forget how it feels to do our play in front of so many audience, all listening to the music we played for them. :D

end of transcendence 2010 thoughts.
Hmmm. that's roughly all i could remember. and on a note its quite sad to see everyone had their friends and loved ones who came down and became part of the audience amond the fireflies.. and at the end had people to talk to after the end of the transcendence.
hahas, how i wish i had people to go to after the end of everything..
Claudia even got a big Sun Flower when we ended our play.
that's so awesome lah. :D

Oh wells. maybe i might have better response next year, or maybe i might have someone special supporting me next year. lol, i wouldn't know, lets see whether i manage to get through auditions again next year first. :)
sighs, still hoped you could be there. too bad you had curfew. :I
yesterday: 1.07am
hmmm. well. here's the not so nice stuff i guess. hahas. i know you'll be reading this so this part of the post here can be a little message-like, but i'll try not to spoil it too much. hahas. :)
(still editing, after i get my haircut now. BRB! ;p imcomplete.)

new posts, new me.

Hey people its been quite a while. :)
actually near a year to be exact. lol.
Hmmm. Reason i started blogging again well, yeah i guess its just somewhere i like sorting my mind out. hahas. well, just to give a summary of the current me:

-Repeated my year 1 for MI.
_(no regrets. :D )
-Last year for hockey A-Div.
_apparently too old; next year only allows 1991 and above only. :P
-More updates i'll fill it in when i have
_the time if not usually a new post. LOL. :D
_*somethings just never change do they?* :)


the reason. 1.37am
Anyways. Mainly i'm here because i couldn't post things on facebook cause it draws too much attention? haha. oh well. keep it to yourself & me people. :)

Hmmm. Basically i just maybe realised something that it could be why things are always happening as it is; and this something is one question i have been wanting to ask myself for a very long long time. I never could comprehend why situations always ends up like the way it was not until the simple thought just flew into my mind.
Something just so hard and i never could find the answer to just got blown away by a simple thought: maybe its just that you don't have appearance for people to simply believe you had.

Ha. For all those times which i felt so hurt, got so easily answered in the eye's of a child.
Well. Things are the way it is or maybe i could be just wrong in my conclusion.
But, honestly i don't know. However that logic fits well to past experiences i guess. hahas. :p

However, I haven't given up yet.
Patience is a virtue; and i'm going to wait.
For how long i wouldn't know;
But for where it stops is when
i know the avalanche has been transformed
into a precious, cute snow field. :D
A place where she can build her snowman. :)
now. 1:56am
Back to homework. Ganbette!

maintainance.

( O_O) blog is under going maintainance.. will take 'some' time before i'll post anything i guess. :/

need to change for school now.. chal people. =)

dead blog?

hey just to let you all know i won't be posting anymore as much as before.
hahas. i honestly admit its practically a dead blog, maybe some anniversaries once or twice a month but afterward not much updates ler. hahas.

Quite sad in a way, but i don't want people keep coming back to this blog and always get dissappointed if you're still visiting, which is like near immpossible anyways. haha.

But to cut things clean, alot f things has changed, maybe some things hasn't. I'm not that all I.T. savvy so i guess any of you desire my current situation, just grab a net and spear to hunt me down; oh don't forget the bait.. i think sitting down with me for a sakae-sushi buffet works best. xD hahaha. me and my lousy sense of humor. lols. chal peeps, love you all. =)
7.06.09, 5:04pm.

away.

apologies
Heys, sorry for the super-duper long pause.. =P
honestly i don't know who has been visiting my site vigilantly,
i'm so sorry to disappoint your nice efforts. =x
.
Confirmation of my studies.
Anyways, i'm now confirmed studying at Millenia Institute..
though i have to admit i'm having problems with my sciences;
Well i;m glad at least my maths still haven't failed me. hehes.

News!
Hmmmm, anyways: Truth to be Told!
It sure has been very long since i've last thought about having feelings for someone.. i guess the time has come. =)

i think finally i'm starting to open up that stoney heart of mine after sooo long. hahas. There's this someone i knew from my class.. she's lively and fun-loving. But i think i mentioned before that i have a fear for dating girls younger than me, and she's younger than me by 2 years. But she really brings out the youth in me(she calls me old btw. T-T), lol.

Sighs, but things like this i've never really been claim about it.. i mean after all, i've always tried to put my best in everything i do but things just never worked out. i think i've mentioned before also about that hollowness in my heart right? it just feels so physically there, like an abyss. i really wish someone who really cares for me can fill it up one day..
.
.
.
.
.
But somehow i feel she's that person who can fill that gap in my heart for me.. its like a magical feeling really, she gives me that hope to be able to love again. =) hahas.

But the thing is, i don't really know what she feels about me. =/
sighs. how i wish things can be simpler. haha. =x
.
.
.
I guess every guy will face the problem like this huh, lol. Its just ganbette for me huh. But if by any chance one day if she would to see this page, i really don't know what to say. hahas. i mean she's good in her studies and i'm already suffering in my sciences.. i would have to stabilise my Chem H2 & Phy H2 before i think i'm good enough for her.. =/ tough life yeah? hahas.

.
.
now. 10.57pm
gosh, i spend so much time blogging again. =/
oh well, just somethings i want to highlight before i go:

-I can't idolise someone that's why God is First. =)
She and everyone else is second. And i am third.

-i will be leaving for another long pause without updates again, cause school's really a time-consumer. o_o i haven't even adapted to the constant homework. =/ In any case, just take note if you're going to visit this site please do it once every 2 months. xP

-Lastly, now that i think about it, hopefully you people can keep this to yourself? At least don't start rumoring about this in school, because i feel that its bad to talk about things behind my back. I'm sure i've never wronged anyone in my life before and been very nice to each of you right? haha. At least please return me this favor of keeping this to yourself? Thanks! =)
Okays! time now is 11.08pm.. i got lots of homework to do. o_o
Until next time, chal Friends. =)

updates!

hey peeps! lol. So sorry for my constant 'mia's from Internet connection, i guess life in Mi really occupies my time more than anything else now. hahas. To be real honest, i got 2 news, one good, one bad. i guess i should start off with the bad one..

But before that, here's my combi' for my course:
..........................................
Stream: Science, class s101.
(3 H2 subjects, 1 H1)
.........................................................
Chemistry H2,
Physics H2,
Mathematics H2,
Arts H1
...........................................
*i'm aiming for Medicine degree in NUS! jyjy!


Bad news:
argh! i have no chemistry foundation! sighs, i'm totally going to die if i do not start revising O'level's syllabus! Plus what's even worse is that i must get an A Grade for this subject to get into Medicine degree in NUS. i am really in dire need for revision! My Physics too need just as much attention for revision for my chem. My dreams of becoming a Forensic is becoming darker and darker.. =/

But, i won't give up. The results from the coming exams in march will determine my fate in my education. I will take action into revision of my foundations in science for my road into Forensics, but surely this will be a lonely and tough avenue, i really pray i can walk through this bravely.
But at least i think i can cope my Math H2 and Arts H1. =P

Good news:
Okays, enough sweats, time for the better side of the coin. You know what's the best thing that happened in my life? A second chance into education! Though i believe many of you guys will not understand, because you guys never experienced what i've had been through. Just to be able to be going to school is a blessing to me everyday. Now i really appreciate school and can relate to people who really wish to get into a school for education. The sense of maturity is truly there along with my past, i believe i will be more encouraged than ever to take my mentality for learning into my priorities.

Giving thanks:
To be honest, i really want to be grateful that God has put me away from schooling background for 2 years. I was very naive when i was in poly, thus i never cherished education. Now, my perception has indeed changed and i wish to strive for my Forensic goals. I also want to thank God for preparing me in those 2 years in preparing me for the matured mindset to achieve my Goal in MI. Also not forgetting that God had provided me with such a school which is totally covering my needs, i'm very grateful for His wondrous plans. Nothing else can be more perfect than this, none that i've could ever imagine. =)

Ps: i'll leave edits for next time, so sorry for the short edits. =P
its already 10:20pm, i should be dead asleep. hahaha. good night people!
PM my chatbox if you have PURE Chem/Phy textbooks!!! I'm in desperation!

current statues

hey! so sorry for being so away for very long!
hahas. Just to let you nosey people know(opps),
i'm schooling for a week now in Millenia Institute (MI), 3-year-jc school.

friends :)
Was quite a surprise that Yee Tien & his friends were schooling there too. i consider it quite a miracle, cause i thought i was going to have problems mixing in school due to i'm older.

Got to knew a girl in my orientation group who's also kinda in the same situation as me.. at least there's someone who can understand half the pain i'm going through. So it kinda lessens the discomfort.

Also got to know a great guy, literally. Man, though he some bad points yes, but he's really one trust-worthy fellow to me, a real kind-hearted guy in the inside. He has my total respect! hahaha.


educational_route: s101(science).
hmmms. in this expect i have already conquered my nocturnal-lifestyle! wahahaha. And yes i won't let my guard down, going to keep this good habit up!

Also i suddenly had an aspiration to reach for my Secondary school's hopes of becoming a Forensic Pathologist. Maybe because kena psyched by the School's orientation programme or something, hahas. But i remember my secretary shared to me her dreams, i was inspired by her. So i guess this is my chance to reach out for my goal in life!

I'm going to set the impossible: To Get
my Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery!
Ganbette!

"though it seemed miraculous,"
"but suddenly i've forgotten, and moved on."

renewal.

Hey-ee. Just got back from youth camp yesterday, before that fulfil the agreement of a feast after youth camp! Had a great fellowship meal with Cherlyn, Joleen, herng, tien, nern, Marcus, Elvis and Joel. hahas. Suddenly i realise that we're all from different backgrounds, but i guess we have one thing in common;
we're all family in Christ. :) hehes.

Having lunch with them was great! haven't had so much fun over a meal in a long time. =) hahas.
But its a sad thing not everyone could join us. committee members, people who left halfway through camp..
Well, its not well organised but i'm still looking forward to the feast right after YC'09. hahas.

Camp games.
Games were great. Had a big scale competition between 4 groups based on the board game "Risk". just that the ending is the "Final showdown" between the Four Kingdoms, "Israelites", "Egyptians", "Babylonians" & "Romans". Got roles like soldiers, knight & house, cannons to be in the battle, it's really like a war out there. Truly this year's games Committee made a lot of effort creating this feel. it was real and fun. i'm sure everyone in Youth camp loved it. =))

camping days.
Though i was a camper, my mature age was not overlooked. =/ became the Bunk IC instead. lols. Oh wells, someone had to take care of the younger ones. hahas. Guess i learned too much from too many camp-exposure. =P

Life.
Well, we had lots of meaningful workshops and messages, and on the last day of devotion i found out i realised who i was. I am a child of God just like everyone else. There's no need to sin anymore. Though its simple, this truth answered my life. its like a renewal, to be reborn again. Sometimes just believing isn't enough, its the faith that you have for Him that pulls you through no matter whatever happens. =)
The love that i've always looked for in my life is this; One that will never fade. =)

mind.
I guess i always go coo-koo in youth camps. hahas. i remembered last year i brought in the cheer from one advertisement about the same 3 person doing a dance after the soccer match hit a score. lols. Then this year's is Madagascar's "I like to move it!" lol. i'm anticipating next year's to be "It's Elvis". hahahas! ONLY people who been to youth camp get what i mean. hahahas.

Fill in the blanks!
"He Stole the _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, "
"and Empty all the _ _ _ _ _. "
"He gobble up a _ _ _ _ _ _ and another _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _, "
"Oh Yes!"

hahahas. lets keep this up to next year to sing shall we fans of Elvis? hahas. wanna know the song? Join next year's youth camp! lol. i guess the only thing that can loosen me up its ony youth camps. i can only be my wacky self then without people calling me crazy. hahaha.

hmmm. Anyways, being a soldier was fun, got to employ some tactics into the game. xD But.. i kinda spoiled other people's fun.. =/ sorry guys if i caused any unhappiness between everyone. But i'm glad most of the game play changed very fast which in the end changed the whole structure of the games. =) my brain don't adapt so fast anyways. =P

Now, 12:01am. 3 Dec.
woo. it's so late already. i'm tired. hmmm. tomorrow i'm going for another trip to Malaysia, but with my family and relatives. a week duration and 2 places to go to, Genting and KL. shopping spree! hahaha.
OH. and i promised someone i'll get her PRESSIE. xP hahas.
Kays, more updates in the next post later or the coming afternoon.
Chal people.

"Last year's theme was LOST, "
"But this year i found out who am i." =)

Youth Camp!

yeah it's finally here! hahaha.
hmmm. Camper for the third time..
i think its because been a GL too any times in BB. =/

Details:
Youth Camp 08 ( Glory Joy Christian Church).
Venue: Christ Church Secondary
Date: 28 Noc -1 Dec.


Oh wells. Camper usually is safer...
But honestly i don't quite like the idea of wearing "props". hahas.
Prefer Flags, banners and stuff like that. lol, like going for war.

Anyways, this year is Headband.
Got to design it with Yee nern(GL) & Elvis.
Our identity is 'Rome', so we painted 11 Roman Laurels, leaf-crowns. =)
Originally our headbands is already in navy-green so its quite in favour, so we cut out cardboard leafs and use white paint to imprint the perimeter with brush-strokes to create a nice spread effect. I'll photograph it once the camp's over. =P

I heard we're the more hardworking ones cause got groups used simpler methods like cut-outs then spray. Hahas. Never mind bahx, save money. LOL

Then only able to reach home by 1 plus..
2 plus then i can finally rest from all the work since 3pm. hahas.
Then had been awake from then till now. wow. i need caffine. =x
Should be meeting my group for breakfast at Sun plaza..
Hopefully we can all get along. =) Oh wells.

Now: 5:55am, 28 Nov.
Nice timing, lols. Anyways.
i haven't got a chance to pack my bag for Youth camp. Hahas. i'm such a creep for being so last minute. lols. i also stayed up overnight for the trip to Sunway, because was afraid of waking up late, then pack bag early morning just before i leave the house for holiday somemore. I'm losing my rest here and there... Seriosly shorting my life. lol. Gotta watch my health now.

Then this time also the same, i'm also blogging here and haven't started to pack my stuff yet. only got 3 T-shirts on the bed only, hahas. oh wells, at least today i'm EARLY. i'm suppose to meet them 8.45am for Breakfast at Sun plaza mac'. LOL. 2hours and 40minutes. How am i going to last. hahas. Hmmm, anyways i think that's enough for posting this morning.

Hmmm. Lets all pray may this Youth camp change
more lifes of others who haven't recieved the Gift. =)
May this be another unforgettable event in everyone's hearts.
hmmm. Chal people. =)

Back.

Hey people. Just got back from Sunway Lagoon, Malaysia.
hmmm. This trip really changed my perception of theme parks.
I used to be very arrogant about theme parks.
But now seriously i believe for anyone, the feeling of
falling out of your seat-belt from like 7 storeys off the Viking,
for like 10+ swing times and a super slow 360?

wow.
that's a experience you can only imagine when you are up there. haha.
you can really feel yourself falling off your seat everytime it gets closer to 360 for like 10+ times? it's really a WOW experience for 'freaks' who just have a death wish.
lols.

Shopping-Spree.
Lets see, i didn't expect i could be capable of
finishing all my RM there also anyways. lols.
And wow. the shopping mall there was like enormous.
Completely insane to even visit all the shops in that mall within 3 days.
Brought a Black button long sleeve, 3 nice slim ties,
1 random T-shirt(i was out of options).
Ah, and yes also brought gifts for my friends too. =)

issues.
Christopher actually asked me on the second day of the trip that set me thinking about them all the time. Till now i can't get it out of my mind. sighs. i always don't know where did it turn wrong in the past..
Guess i'm a real dummy about the thing he asked me. hahas.But he has a point though.. Perhaps i'm really that boring to begin with. =/ lol. Nevermind. i'm so tired already. i'll have to keep the edits simplier for now, sorry.

Now: 8.06am, 24 Nov.
I so want to sleep! lol. Played War craft with my younger brother the whole night till now. Plus its somemore right after i reached home no long ago. LOL. i don't know how did i survived. =x Anyways, i'm dying for a good morning dooze already.
Good Nights people. =)
"where, will i go?"

Official M.I.A. (21st -23rd)

hahas, just kidding. i'm only going over to Malaysia with my Cell group members this Friday early morn' till Sunday evening, which is also 1 hour later i'm gonna leave the house. lol.

Details:
Sunway Lagoon, Malaysia.
21st - 23rd nov.
Coming back at Sunday evening,
Will be contactable by my HP.

Random post.
Hours ago was doing a little shopping for presents..
It was so awkward. lets just say i respect differences.
hahahas. Someone should know what i mean. lols.

To be honest its not cheap,
but its alright to me. :)
Giving does not weigh in the quality of the Gift,
but the Sincerity of the Heart. =))

Now: 5:03am, 21st Nov.
Hmmm. Now doing a little transferring to my cell group member's PSP memory card and off we're playing lan in the coach! lol. Bags still not packed yet. =x hahahas. Going to pack right after this post is done. haven't slept since 7pm yesterday..
oh well. i'll get my snooze in the coach. =)

Think this is enough posting for now. I'll try to kick in the habit of uploading photos here when i'm there.
For now, take care people, Byes. =)

27 days.

ohhh...
this got to be my longest record for not blogging. =x
As the heading says: 27 days.

Well.
For starters, sorry for those people who kept visiting my dead blog for the last whole month and so. I just feel a little empty these days.

I know i've promised myself not to think about those stuff that makes me go hollow, but it just gets to me wherever i go: outside with friends alone at home. sighs, i can't imagine a life of a bacjelor. lols. oh wells. i shouldn't let it bother me so much. hahas.

News-flash.
Anyways, Exam's over! since 7th Nov.
A-math paper went well, just that i never took time as an factor. Missed out 11 points which i know i can do it.
Could have got a A2 grade if i've done that question. :/
oooh well. at least i know i'm not going below my current O's grades. lol.

Confession.
Literature. Ok, here's the truth.
I didn't went for the paper. I know alot of people will be deeply upset about this but the truth is the fact.
I don't want to lie to anyone.

But all i ask is that please keep this to yourselves, i don't wat to make a big fuss about it. Plus it won't deprove my O'cert so its going to be okay. The reason i didn't go? i think its pointless now to even reason myself out now. lol. a Big sorry if i've disappointed any of you, i too am disappointed in myself about it. =(

Now: 4:04am, 21 nov.
Okays! enough of chunks of text, time to end post here.
you know, i've never thought of breaking up when it all began..
Ha! very random. lol.
Kay. Got to go. Chal people. =)

22 Oct.

20 days since i last blog. lol.
Think i've lost all the blogging enthusiasm.
Anyways, let get to topic.

22Oct is the start of my retake O-level exams.
Which is, tml? hahahas.

A-math paper 1
1400 hours at Riverside Secondary.
Now going back and do my last moments of revision.
Chal people.

It doesn't really matter much anymore.

Finally.

Hey All! sorry i left my blog dead for so long, i kinda lend it to someone and only gotten it back just recently after 2 weeks.. 4 days ago. =x O'okays, i was lazy to update. =/ hahahas. Dunno if my blogging language have changed or not, oh wells i don't think you guys know what i am talking about to begin with. Nevermind, lets get to topics! Had so much i want to blog over the weeks, don't think i'll remember everything and blog about everything also. hahaha.

topics to cover.

my finally establised wishlist, coping with shortage of $$$, health worsening, my upcoming new enrolment back into polytechnic, pictures of memories, current passion, and a incident when i remembered i nearly drowned...
Gosh there's just too many i wanted to talk about when i view a slideshow of the pictures that was taken i class when i was in poly 2 years ago. sighs. Life of a dropout, now i understand what's its like. i will start cherishing my education in polytechnic once i get in. =) onwards!

topic no. 1: "renewed life".
The days are coming, and i will soon have to embrace these days to come.. the life that i've been trying to get back for 2 years. its already the month of October, and my Exams starts on the 22th Oct. its getting ever closer each day, and so far i don't think my current standards will get me a better grade than what i gotten 2 years ago from my O's. i'm gonna start mugging already, and it shall begin with this very day. After i wake up later(3rd Oct), i shall start my studying till my end of my exams in november 7th, period. strictly no more fun and games, this is where i will concentrate into.

Soon, the days of enrolment will come. Deep inside i'm honestly feeling very uneasy. think i mentioned this before, as i enrol back into SP, i'll find all the year 3 students are people who were my classmates. To be truthful, i don't know how to face them. By then it would be seeing them for the first time for 2years, and that goes for the lecturers. these are all my worries and many more yet unspoken. =/ prehaps i'll share it another day. i've said enough for today.

failing Health.
i think this will be my last topic for now, hahas just bear with me. Recently i don't know what's happening. its like my cough never gets better. i've been in cough for weeks every since that last time i've gotten flu, last satuday. I just cough when the air isn't clean, throat iches, warm weather, everything. i seriously can feel my health failing, like its slowly falling apart. i just pray it doesn't affect my studies, i wish not to get sudden mood swings, it makes me miss out an important effort that i want to put in to change my entire life. Call me "thinking to much", but its just what i feel. i've seen how fatal "don't want to study" attitude can be, and i really hope i won't become so. i shall work hard for this! =)

Now, 6.21am.
hahas. my current health only allows me to update this much. lol, i sound so like a dying person today. hahas. oh wells, sunday is coming soon and i can't wait to get my old guitar fixed. i so miss the sounds of acoustic. Pray i'll get my studying mindset later. =)

lol. i just had a sudden thought of hearing 'Ganbette' from someone. well, doesn't matter, it'll never get to my gan mei anyways. hahahas. oh what am i saying. =/ must be lack of sleep.
Good nights People!

Sublimation for life,
till the day i turn pure.

exams.

are today!
6hours and 30min to go! and i only got to know this yesterday before going to cell group. sighs. just pray i'll do my best no matter what happens. Been 2 years since i last took O's.
.
This gotta bring back all those memories. =P
Time to sleep now!

Now, 1:33am.
Day of A-math paper 2, mock exams.
Ps: i forgot to post up the song, hahas.
Here it is. enjoy! chal.

All i have.

--
Lyrics:
What have I in this life.
But the love in Your eyes.
This empty world will one day fade.
Only Your truth will remain.
--
chorus:
Jesus, all I have is You
You're the hope I'm holding to.
I might weep but still my faith
Rests in You.
--
As the heavens hold the skies
It's Your hand that holds my life.
And Your love will lead me on
When all else is gone.

passion.

hey. Here to update my blog. Well actually...just wanna take a break for a while. hahas. Been practicing guitar the whole noon like the last few days. hahas.

songs.
Trying to learn a few worship songs i love. (oh i love music by the way) so far i've only grasp the song "all i have". i'll post the song below if you're interested to listen. So far i still can't get the "c" note perfectly. =/ practice my boy, keep on practicing.

progress.
But at least by practicing this song i've manged to learn how to sing and play together. hahas. Took me a month to learn to play an acoustic guitar. So far can manage a few simple songs for now. Now trying to learn "Becasue of your love". Used to be Glory joy's youth camp 06/07 theme song. Got some help by trying to learn online, "www.leadworship.com", with Paul baloche couching by video. Well good thing is i can pause the video whenever i want and can replay no matter how many times. lol.

question.
One thing is that i finally got to learn music. it has always been my secondary school wish to learn music. hahahas. However one problem about any passions you have, is how long it last. i just hope it'll stay that way forever, because i can't imagine losing my sense of hearing. Random example anyways, hehes. Hope i don't get caught to be guitarist though, haha. i still don't know how to face the crowd. hahas.

prayer.
Anyways i heared the good news today! Finally the prayers has been answered. =) Non the less i will keep on praying, for there's so much more to be answred. Remember to stay strong.
=) You'll always be in my prayers.

Now. 11.32pm.
Time to get back to my guitar practice! er, but its already near mid-night. =/ think junn's already asleep by now. Oh, she's a maid in my house, under training by my mom to take care of my grandmother. junn's learning from my mom because my mom knows my grandma best. =) think i can't practice in this house.. everyone's sleeping everywhere. lol.

tonight & tml.
will be sleeping in my living room cause my bed been dismantled to move to the bedok apartment for my aunt's use this sunday. dismantled earlier so they can mve in the morning then. hahas, i'm used to sleeping on floors anyways, lol.

tml's plan.
Guess i'll spent the night practicing or just going to sleep. tml going over to 589a to settle some things before the GB go have their camp there. Then after i dunno if i'm going to go attend a sister's church for the celebration. seriously i think it really sounds like a personal invitation..

oh well.
i'll just behave. LOL not that i am one. ah, don't care to explain myself to muna they all ler. lol. never seen them for 2 years and they called me a pervert for no reason. ah but its nice to meet up with them again anyways. hahas. oh post getting longer and longer. ending it here.
nights people! =)

"though it may not seem that way,"
"i pray i'll release my shackles one day."